Is she no longer interested or do I still have a shot?

[Chris4984]

Ok, there was this girl I had the biggest crush on for a while and I finally got the courage to ask her out. This was last Tuesday. She said yes but said that the week wasn't good for her but maybe Friday or Sunday. I, being an idiot, neglected to tell her that I had prior obligations all weekend and couldn't get out of them. I just told her I'd give her a call. Plus, she works at my gym and I see her all the time.

The weekend came and went and I failed to call her until Sunday night and I got her voicemail and asked her if maybe she wanted to get a drink sometime this week. I told her she didn't have to call back because I'd see her the next day and we'd talk about it then. That day came and I didn't see her. I saw her yesterday and she smiled real big when she saw me and I asked her if she got my message and she said she had, but didn't get it until Monday night because she left her phone somewhere. She then proceeded to tell me that weekdays aren't good for her because she works and then she has to train (she does fitness/figure competitions) for a big show that is coming up soon. We talked for a minute about how intense her training was. She said she would still like to get coffee sometime though.

Me, making another idiotic move, told her that I understood she was busy and told her to let me know when she has some free time. I then walked away. I later realized that she said nothing about being busy on the weekends and it was two weekend days that she initially suggested we get together. So now I have no clue what to think. Is she now telling me she's not interested? If she wasn't interested, why would she mention something about still getting coffee and why would she only specify that she was booked up on weekdays? Then I feel like if she was interested, wouldn't she have suggested the weekends or another day? But then again, maybe that's the guys job to coordinate it? Maybe she's not as straight forward as other girls and likes the guy to do the work?

So what can I do to salvage this? Is she not interested or is she playing hard to get? Should I call her up and try to arrange a date on the weekend sometime? I feel like if she wanted nothing to do with me, she wouldn't have mentioned getting coffee still, and would have just said she's busy all the time and not just on weekdays. I'm confused. I feel like I should just call her and let her know that I'm really interested in taking her out and if she can do it on the weekends. Good idea? Bad idea? I really don't care if I blew it at this point, I have nothing to lose.

[girl68]

Don't do that.


I suggest calling her and ask her when the next time she is free for that coffee she suggested...

[Chris4984]

So it's a good thing she suggested getting coffee still?

[Car Chick]

It sounds fine to me. Her schedule has just changed because of the show and all. Just call her and see when she is available.

[girl68]

So it's a good thing she suggested getting coffee still?

could be I've said that though and I didn't mean it. ask her directly "when is the next time you're free" (followed by for that coffee you suggested we get *wink wink*). After that if is doesn't happen leave the ball in her court and walk away.

[Chris4984]

could be I've said that though and I didn't mean it. ask her directly "when is the next time you're free" (followed by for that coffee you suggested we get *wink wink*). After that if is doesn't happen leave the ball in her court and walk away.

Now why would you do that? Why would you say something you didn't mean and let the guy think you're interested?

[girl68]

it's the same as " hi, how are you?" to an aquatince, I don't give 2 flying shits how that person really is, I ask becasuse it's polite or you 'should'. Same with coffee, I meet an old 'friend' we catch up and then say "yeah, we should grab coffee sometime" we both know that isn't going to happen it's just a polite end to the conversation.

In your case she could have said it to be 'polite' or could really mean it.

FYI- it's almost always easier to agree than to disagree (ie, sure we'll hang out full well knowing you don't like this person and don't really want to hang out, it's just much, much easier to say yes.)

[Chris4984]

Well, if she didn't mean it, why would she have given me her number and said yes when I asked her out the week before?

[girl68]

Are you selective reading my posts? I didn't say she didn't mean it, I said it's POSSIBLE she may not.

Are you aware there are people pleasers? These people will do nearly anything becasue someone asked or told them to. Not saying she is, I'm saying there are people who will give out numbers, fake interest, mention outings all the while having no intention of making it more than that all because they want to be people pleasers and can't bear to disagree or say NO.

[girl68]

You're coming off as incredibly young at this point. How old are you?

[Chris4984]

26 years old....I have no clue what Im doing when it comes to dating, I got out of a 5 year relationship about a year ago and now I'm finally ready to start dating, but I have no where to begin and I'm clueless when it comes to dating

[Chris4984]

And how are they really pleasing anyone if they give out numbers and show fake interest and let the guy pursue until he gets that it will never happen and then he will be upset. That's not pleasing a person.

[girl68]

so do as I said up there call her up one last time and ask her specifically when she's free. I would normally say after the first "call me when you're free" should be the last time you iniate conact but you were a bit of an idiot when you said that and just walked off. I'd almost take that as an "okkkkkay then he's not interested in me anymore..." so to correct that ask her out once more. Ask her when she's free, if she gives you the I don't know line then you say ok well I'm free when you are, give me a shout and don't expect to hear from her ever again (unless you're really lucky).

Call SOON.

[girl68]

Because for the time you're happy thinking SWEET, she's pleasing you. I never said anything about the long term negatives, obviously I know this isn't a good idea I'm just shining light on something you aren't thinking of.

[Chris4984]

I will call her either tonight or tomorrow