Does she like me or not? Need advice!

[MisterPink]

Hello!
Hope you can help me with my problem, it's driving me insane.
I'm a 19-year old university student and I graduated from college in June this year.
My first year in college I became friends with a girl in my class. Her name is Emma and at first I felt really attracted to her. Nothing happened though, we stayed friends. I never even made a move. I got a girlfriend during my 2nd year at college and the relationship with her ended in August this year.
That's pretty much the whole background story.

Now let me tell you about my relation with Emma...
We have been friends for about four years now (we do three years at college in my province in Denmark). The first year, we weren't that close at all, but from the 2nd year we began to develop a much closer friendship. In our third year she told me that I was her best male friend - she hasn't had one before.
We never hung out in our free time but we always hung out at college. It was great. We would laugh and joke about everything and talk about serious stuff as well. When we finished college, in June this year, we stayed friends. I was supposed to be moving to Holland to live with my girlfriend but I was dumped around August. Emma was the one who helped me getting thru the whole process... it was well hard but she helped me a lot. From when college had ended (June, 2004), we'd been calling each other about two times every week. We'd speak about everything. But when I got dumped, we started talking more and more. Almost three or four times per week. About a month ago, I thought to myself that it would be great to start seeing her. Not dating, just start hanging out with her as a friend. I mean, she is the best girl friend I have ever had!
Anyway, I pretty soon realised that I had feelings for her. And no, it's not one of those rebound things. I'd already had one of those and it lasted for about two weeks. Im 100% sure that I am over my ex at this point. And I'm pretty sure that my feelings for Emma are real. I think about her all the time, she makes me feel all fuzzy and warm inside, you all know what I'm talking about. ;-)

The first time we met, we just watched a film at her house and ate some pizza. Nothing more than that. The second, third and fourth time we did the same. And we played some playstation. Hehe. Anyway, the fifth time we met (at her house) we did the same thing; watched a film and ate. Thing is that... when we were sitting in her sofa waiting for my bus to come, I thought that I'd try and flirt a bit with her. So I started massaging her feet very very gently. She didn't mind at all. Ten minutes later I left and she gave me a hug (not a big deal, we always hug when we say goodbye). I felt pretty happy and thought to myself that I'd try the same thing the next time we saw each other. So anyway, we saw each other again, played some cards and ate some food. From 6PM to about 11PM we played some Playstation and we were both sitting in her comfy chair (it's pretty big so there's room for the both of us in it, and she was the one who asked me if I wanted to sit next to her in it). It felt a bit intimate. We were sitting pretty close (obviously, since it's a one-seat sofa) and it felt really nice. Then we sat down in her bed and started chatting ... and then we realized that I'd missed the last bus. So I had to stay till the first bus got there in the morning which would be about 5 hours later. "Yay" I thought to myself. Hehe. Anyway, we were lying in her bed the whole time and... I thought that I would try to "touch" her again. And it worked. During the whole time from 12 to about 5AM I was stroking her over her arms. Very gently and even passionated. We were very intimate with each other. I also massaged her feet, I stroked her legs and our faces were really close to each other. I wanted to kiss her but didn't... too scared I guess.
I asked her if she felt uncomfertable and she said "no, not at all". I asked her if she liked it and she said "yes". When I left she gave me a hug which felt... a bit more intimate then the usual hugs. Might have been my imagination though.

I was pretty sure by now that she was a bit interested in me. I wasn't sure though but I'd noticed that I'd started to analyze everything that she said and did. We still spoke on the phone as much as we had done before. At least once per day. And she would usually call me.

Anyway... I saw her again, yesterday... We ate some pizza for lunch and then went up to her room. We were both very tired so we just chilled in her room. I tried "touching her" again and she said "not now.". Damn. Anyway, around sixish she layed down right next to me in her bed and I tried to stroke her again... she didn't mind at all. I took it a step further and started stroking her back whilst she was lying on her stomach. From her arse and up to her bra. I asked her if she liked it, she said "yes", if she wanted me to continue, she said "yes". I shifted from stroking her arms to stroking her legs to stroking her back. I asked her if she could "do me", and she did. It was great because we were kind of flirting with our hands. It was on my initiative, though, but she didn't try and stop it for a few minutes. Flirting with our hands = touching, stroking, massaging, you know what I mean.
Anyway, don't know how to put this but... when I left, and she gave me a hug, it was a lot less passionate than the hug that she'd given me the last time. Although that could also have been my imagination. But the funny thing is that she was the one who hugged me but only after we'd been looking at each other in silence for about 10 seconds. You know like they do in films right before they kiss, hehe. She might have felt a bit unfomfertable.

Now, let me tell you a bit about Emma. She is the type of girl who is a bit reserved. She never went out and got drunk when she was 15, she's always been a very calm girl and she's never been in to "la vida loca", the crazy go out and drink lifestyle (although she does go out about once per month). She has never had a guy as a close friend before so therefor I'm not sure if she knows how to handle the situation... Does she know that she's leading me on or does she think that it's usual for guys and girls who are friends to do this? Because it's normally not... normally that is. And also, I find it very hard to believe that she'd see this as a friendship thing. She's not that "loose" at all if that makes sense. I think that she is the type of girl who only wants someone to touch her if she likes that person a lot.

Also, perhaps the most important thing is that she started seeing this guy about the same time as my ex broke up with me. She saw him for about a month but he didn't want a relationship. The stopped seeing each other about a month ago, after having been seeing each other for about two months. She told me that she's felt sad because he didn't want a relationship with her. She's been wondering if there's something wrong with her and I've been doing my best to make her feel better. I asked her yesterday "have you gotten over him yet?" and she said.. "I'd like to think so but probably not since I still ask myself what I did wrong and since I still feel a bit sad because nothing happened". So my guess is that... she doesn't want to do anything with me yet, or she is unsure or.. actually, never mind, Im clueless when it comes to this.

She has also never had a boyfriend or been in a serious relationship before. And the other day she said to me... "it's so annoying, I can't find anyone no matter how hard I look", and I was standing right in front of her, lol. Was she implying that Im not dating material?

Does she like me or not? I mean, if I'd had a girlfriend, or if she'd had a boyfriend, what we'd been doing wouldn't have been appropriate at all. It's too intense and intimate to be counted as a friendship thing. Well, that's what I think anyway.

I'm really lost and hope that you can help me. What should I do? Asking her if she has feelings for me or vice versa is out of the question. That's way too emberrassing. Should I wait or... what? It feels like she's giving me different "signals". Like when we spoke on the phone a few days ago, the day after she'd been out, and she told me that she went to a gay club with her friends and that it felt good to be at a club with gays since they don't try to flirt with her. And then she added, sounding a bit nervous, "but I wouldn't want to do anything with anyone now anyway". Is it because of her ex that she hasn't gotten over or because of me or simply because she wouldn't want to? Why would she tell me that she wouldn't want to do anything with anyone unless she wanted me to KNOW it?

I've been asking my friends for advice but they all say different things. Some tell me to kiss her, some tell me to take it slow and _all_ of my girl friends just complicate everything by analyzing stuff and confusing me. :-\

I would really appreciate if someone could help me because I am extremely confused and lost.

Thank you so much in advance.

Alex

[ltj5253]

well im telling you right now like ive told all these other people. your considered a friend to her. that means that she never looks at you sexually or as a partner. your her friend. thats it.

[jb5k1]

Wow I actually read that whole thing. I can see why you're so confused.

That's the thing about girls, they send mixed signals all the time. I'd say that maybe if your lying in her bed or something, if you haven't yet, put your arm around her. If shes uncomfortable with the idea she'll most likely let you know. Or if you two are messing around and stuff like rest your head on her stomach and see what she does about that.

Flirting is good but if you do it wrong it won't help much. I don't really have good advice to give but it seems like something could happen. I don't think it would ruin anything if you put your arms around her when you were sitting and talking pretty seriously. Life if shes sitting down with you behind her. I always found that to be a good way to let a girl know that I'm interested but it's ok to just be friends.

Don't get upset if it doesn't work out either. Trust me because I know, the let downs are the greatest thing that will happen to you because they hurt but when you get over it you'll have more confidence to try again with someone else, and you'll learn what did or didn't go right with it.

[jb5k1]

damn ltj, you beat me to posting about this, but you also have a point. It never hurts to try though, because like I said, confidence is what you need for a situation like this.

[Prodigal]

Hi, Alex.

It does seem like more than a simple friendship. There are two possibilities: She likes you, or you're just a 'friend with benefits'.

Friend with benefits: You touch her a lot, you guys 'did each other' as you said. Maybe what she says is what she's truly feeling. The way you're looking at it, this is what you're leaning towards.

She likes you: Have you considered the possibility of her saying this stuff as hints to you? "It's so annoying, I can't find anyone no matter how hard I look", could suggest that she wanted you to notice that she said that. She wanted you to notice to maybe hint at you that she wants you. It's also normal to not be completely over someone and like someone else. Love takes you by surprise, right? It's definitely not a feeling you can stop even though you think you're thinking about someone else. Nervousness may imply lying on her part for the "but I wouldn't want to do anything with anyone now anyway". Could be like an excuse to herself for being scared about taking it further with you.

Here it is, clean and simple. You gotta make up your mind, and you gotta make it up quick. She could be seeing this touching as just wanting her body, when it seems you really do like her. I think that if you don't come upfront with her with your feelings or just give up thoughts of a relationship altogether and stay strictly friends, things will begin to backfire fast. You gotta take a stand for yourself. Pick one side or the other... not tread the fence. It's all you can do.

Believe me. I've had a few opportunities in my life, even if I don't want to admit it. It failed every time. It failed because I spent all this time analyzing it and going over it from every single perspective. It doesn't do shit. Without taking some sort of action, nothing will ever happen. Indecision chooses for itself... usually the least favorable choice, at that. If you don't choose to do something, you'll regret it. I guarantee it. Being sorry is better than regretting. Regret is a horrible thing... if you ask her and it doesn't fall through, at least you get out of it knowing the answer. Always keeping it in and never asking her.. you'll wonder about it for so long.

I have faith in you, Alex. Make a decision.

-Robert

[ltj5253]

well thats the first think that comes to my mind jb5k1. lol. you dont know how many times ive heard lets be friends and then i go to realize that you cant even get that out of them.

[Fishy]

you shouldn't eat so much pizza. It'll get you fat

My advice: Back up the flirting with something rock-your-socks-off so she tips and falls over the edge for you.

[misombra]

i just cannot get myself to read a thousand lines of text in this forum. my advice to you is...

WRAP IT UP!

[Nice Lover Boy]

Hello!
I tried "touching her" again and she said "not now.". Damn. Anyway,

She has also never had a boyfriend or been in a serious relationship before. And the other day she said to me... "it's so annoying, I can't find anyone no matter how hard I look", and I was standing right in front of her, lol. Was she implying that Im not dating material?

Wow, the "not now" words were really strong. I don't know about that. You should try to ease up on touching her and rather try holding her on accident.

Also, when your friend said those words to you about not being able to find someone in front of you, I actually wanted to say that to my friend that I am in love with. It's a way to find out if the other person(you) actually cares and wants to see what kind of response (you)to give to her. So, what did you say when she said that in front of you? I bet you just shook your head in a sign of, "I don't know what to do". I hope not. Think about that. Hey, you want to find out if she likes you? Take her out to a movie or something and try to create unforgetable moments with her.