My Break Up

[Fene]

Hey guys and girls i'm new here, just made my account infact. I just wanted to be able to tell my story of what's happened to people who have been through the same problems.

Well.. Me and my Fiance would have been together 7 years this October, we met back in school when we were 15 and we had and even still have alot in common. We liked all the same things and always connected very well and even after nearly 7 years we never had a single argument.

She broke up with me 3 weeks ago today and her reasons basically were that we had "grown apart". I've been doing alot of reading into relationships and I believe we've run into the common problem known as "Relationship drift" which basically happens to any long term relationship if you allow it where you start to take each other for granted and get into a monotonous routine of doing the same thing day by day. I do completely agree with this and have been spending the time apart to improve myself in the hope that we can be together again in the future, but it's not just for her.

I've invested alot of my time in reading different break up e-books such as "The Magic of Making up", "Ex2 System" and even David DeAngelos "Double your Dating". I've really learnt alot from these books and am in the process of applying them to my life such as the No Contact rule as I understand how important it is for both of us to have our time apart to think about what we both want from our lives.

We had a little get together a week after the break up to have a talk. Basically I asked her to be totally honest with me and tell me exactly how she feels and what problems she saw with the relationship, I never and still haven't begged her in anyway to take me back instead I told her that I respect her decision and actually said I agreed in a sense with the break up as it's been a wake up call for me, allowing me to see exactly what I was doing wrong. She told me that she felt that our relationship had hit a stand still and wasn't moving forward anymore. We both live at home with our parents as money is pretty tight these days but we've never had a problem with this, we've always stayed equally at each others homes and got on great with each others families. I told her that I would love for us to live together and to get married and that the only thing holding me back was the money side as that's what makes the world go round these days. At one point I said to her "I feel that the relationship we had was really great, we've always got on really well and never had any problems" and I asked for her honest opinion and she even agreed and said "Yeah our relationship really was great". So does this mean that the only real problem is the "loss of attraction / spark" in the relationship if she even admits that what we had was truly great?

I told her that I wanted her to have the time / space she needs to make up her mind about what she wants to do and she was fine with the idea as she didn't want to make her decision at that point. But 2 days after our talk she sent me a text message saying "Sorry I have been thinking and i've made up my mind. I love you but I just don't feel the same way". Keep in mind this is only 1 week after we broke up so she still hasn't really had the proper time and space to think. I really would like for us to be able to overcome this and get back together as I believe we could have an even stronger, better relationship. What we had was truly a great thing that brought both of us so much joy and I believe that if this isn't worth fighting for then I truly don't know what is.. I realise that I don't "need" her to live my life and am willing to move on but not before doing everything within my power to try and make this work as I truly feel that she is my soul-mate and I would do anything for us to be able to be together again and have the chance to grow older and have our own place and our own family.

A little bit of extra information now.. We both go to the same gym to workout and the last couple of weeks when we saw each other we just had very brief chats along the lines of "Hi, how are you?" etc.. I know I said about the "No Contact" rule but as they say, you can't ignore them if you see them in person otherwise they'll just think you're being an asshole. But when I last saw her at the gym she was different, she seemed happy to see me and was talking to me alot more, at one point she even called me over to tell me something. This just makes me wonder if the time apart really is working and she's starting to miss us being together, it makes me hope that after maybe a little while longer we can get together as "Friends" and see how things work out. I had the idea of inviting her out to go clothes shopping with me in a couple of weeks time as it would be a great opportunity to enjoy each others company and to just have a good time. I don't want to bring anything up about the relationship or us being together at all.. As I said I just want for us to be able to have some fun together in the hope that we can reignite the spark. As I read from one of the relationship advice books.. "It's not the love that you lost, but the passion. If you can reignite this then there's no reason you can't be together again".

Sorry for this extremely long post about my own life but I just wanted to lay everything out and get the opinions from others to see what they think about the situation. If there's any other important information that I may have missed out that you feel may help you make a better decision just let me know and i'll do my best to answer.

Thanks for reading all, have a great day.

[xxazurexx]

But when I last saw her at the gym she was different, she seemed happy to see me and was talking to me alot more, at one point she even called me over to tell me something. This just makes me wonder if the time apart really is working and she's starting to miss us being together...

Or she's thinking that you have come to terms with the breakup, there is no drama and so she feels comfortable enough talking to you.

It's natural to want someone back that meant a lot to you and I see no harm in giving things a 'last shot'.

I'm gonna be honest. Some relationships stand the test of time and a lot of them don't. It looks like yours hasn't.

She didn't just decide to opt of the relationship and lose her feelings for you overnight. She's likely been thinking about leaving you and for some time, but she's hung on in there and hoping her feelings would change and they havn't.....hence she decided to leave.

You have been together and since the age of 15. People change and what we wanted back at aged 15, isn't necessarily what we will still want at 22, or 28, or 35.

I'm unsure what else to say. I think it's just one of those things that happens. Relationships are formed and they run their natural course, for however long that may be. Some make it, a lot don't....your situation is not unique.

[Teddy057]

"Sorry I have been thinking and i've made up my mind. I love you but I just don't feel the same way". That's your answer man, it's a HUGE kick in the nuts, but that's it.

I don't think you should remain in contact with her, it's just reversing any progress to move forward. How will you feel when you see her working out with another man? Or walks over to introduce some new guy in her life to you? Get a new membership to a different gym, save yourself the heartache.

Also, why the hell are you answering her phone calls and or even talking to her? You know that saying, "You don't know what you got till it's gone?" Yeah, how is she supposed to know what she had until you are GONE?

[hello_gorgeous]

"Sorry I have been thinking and i've made up my mind. I love you but I just don't feel the same way". That's your answer man, it's a HUGE kick in the nuts, but that's it.

I don't think you should remain in contact with her, it's just reversing any progress to move forward. How will you feel when you see her working out with another man? Or walks over to introduce some new guy in her life to you? Get a new membership to a different gym, save yourself the heartache.

Also, why the hell are you answering her phone calls and or even talking to her? You know that saying, "You don't know what you got till it's gone?" Yeah, how is she supposed to know what she had until you are GONE?

Completely agree with this. If you keep talking to her as much as you are, she is never going to get a chance to miss you man.

[Cloud206]

And then there is the chances she'll never miss you,and got over you fast,i've seen how it works for some girls.