we want two totally different things. what to do?

[thewhiterabbit]

I have this friend who I went to school with from the time I was in 6th grade. He dated a friend of mine in high school (I've lost touch with her though). I'm now 22, and he's 24. We've never been overly close, but we've always kept in touch with each other. Until recently we'd never really hung out outside of school. Most of our contact was through MySpace or MSN messenger over the last 4 years. We'd have spurts of messages while we caught up on our lives with each other, but then we wouldn't talk again for a few months combined with the occasional running into each other in our hometown.

So a few months ago he messaged me out of nowhere telling me "I thought about you the other day, and thought I'd better message you before you forget all about me.". We've been talking via text since. Every day actually. He hits on me a lot, comes to see me at the park I hang out in before work (I don't have a car, so I have people drop me off there around their schedule because it's near my job), and comes to my job just to give me hugs when I'm having a bad day. Because of this I asked him what he was looking for. He said, "Would you hate me if I just wanted to be friends with benefits?" I'm not against casual sex, but I've never had a boyfriend because of a friend w/benefits that lasted over 4 years that I ended up having feelings for. I explained to him that I was really looking for a relationship, and he said "I understand. I'd hate to lose our friendship over a few orgasms.".

What I need help with is that he's still doing all of the stuff that made me ask him what he wanted in the first place. In fact he just sent a message where he called me babe and regularly calls me baby. Is he just being a natural flirt? Does he think if he hangs around I'll put out without a commitment later? Does anyone think that maybe he has changed his mind? I'm so confused!

[xxazurexx]

God knows what he's thinking.

It's up to you and if you continue to chat with him, but I for one would've sent him packing and when he asked me to be an FWB. I'd have found that really insulting....the fact I was good enough to screw, but not good enough for a relationship.

If I was you, I'd be very cautious. He could start the 'heavy sweet talking' and to get in your pants.

[Mish]

I think he's testing the waters to see how far he can go

[cmacattack1]

I think he's testing the waters to see how far he can go

Bingo. Funny how NOW that he is showering you with all this attention and making you feel good to consider it more than a friendship. To find out he just wants to be a hook up buddy has to be a bit of a let down. Appreciate him for the fact that he is very honest about what he wants, but if you want something more meaningful, don't have a dream that involves him changing his mind. Even if he did change his mind eventually, it might be much too late.

Yeah, I would probably be insulted too. Some would be flattered. Where's the romance?

[xxazurexx]

Actually and even though I'd find it insulting, I'd also at the same time appreciate his honesty.

It's a shame that the majority of guys were not like him and then we could make a choice as to whether to get involved or not.

[thewhiterabbit]

You'd think I'd be insulted, but I'm pretty used to hearing that from guys. Apparently, I'm doing something wrong... It just felt different this time. I was totally blindsided by his response.

[cmacattack1]

You'd think I'd be insulted, but I'm pretty used to hearing that from guys. Apparently, I'm doing something wrong... It just felt different this time. I was totally blindsided by his response.

I'm a guy, my odds from hearing that, even from slutty girls, are slim to none. Guess it's hard for me to understand.

I still stand by the fact that it's a bad idea if you want more then a friend with benefits situation. If it goes on long enough, one person usually ends up hurt. Sorry I couldn't be of more help.

[NBT]

Actually and even though I'd find it insulting, I'd also at the same time appreciate his honesty.

It's a shame that the majority of guys were not like him and then we could make a choice as to whether to get involved or not.

That's probably because the majority of guys know that most women would react like YOU would: Insulted and uninterested. lol

[IndiReloaded]

FWB = **** buddy until something better comes along.

Tell him he shouldn't be hitting up on his 'friend' with this horn-dog attitude. That if he wakes up and decides to act like a gentleman he can ask you out on a real date and you might consider it.