Fml!

[Teh_wulf]

I posted on here a while ago about me always being argumentative at night. Don't know why and I have only just gotten to the bottom of it really. But It's too late.

She broke up with me about 3 weeks ago now, and I am giving her what she wants... space. and time... We have agreed to talk to each other in two weeks.

I was a complete twat to her, I tried to control her, I wasn't being a very good boyfriend at all. I ****ed up really bad. and she had, had enough of our constant arguing and left me.

Turns out, I could have Severe anxiety and Clinical depression. rooted to the fact I had a bad childhood. but she already knows this but I became to much for her.

I have tried apologising, I have tried putting effort into showing her how sorry I am, (making 3 minute videos of how much fun we used to have, writing letters. but she still wants "Space". She is one of those girls that can get out of a relationship and feel fine with kissing any guy she wanted, because it means nothing. but to me, a kiss is a kiss, you don't just kiss anyone. Every night, at exactly 00:30, I have an anxiety attack, because I may not be thinking about it, but my subconscience knows that, that was the time we broke up. but not a day goes by where I don't think about her, I love her with everything that i am, I love her with all my heart, all my soul, she is the one, and I knew, and still know that she is the one.

Is their any tips i could get, for when we start to talk again. I don't want to act as if we never went out, because it hurts me when we spoke for about 3 days before we realised we couldn't get along and be normal with each other (hence the space idea). All I could think about is how we used to be, and how I couldn't do that with her anymore. Our song was "A Walk Through Hell - Say Anything" and I would like to think that us spiltting up is just a little bit of hell, but together we shall walk though it and rest our feet at home with each other.

Or am I just living in a stupid fantasy world where in reality we will never get back together, she will start seeing other guys, and my heart will still be set on her?

any tips would be nice

Sorry for the long thread, but ya'know =/

[xxazurexx]

Maybe if you weren't a big twat to her, she'd still be with you.

Dont you realise that when you act like a big twat, women will get sick of it and walk eventually.....the ones with any self respect for themselves anyway.

It's probably over and for good. Once females walk, it's because they are finally done and they exit for good. And can you really blame her?

You claim to have a problem with depression....therefore see a doctor.

She may be at the past caring stage and especially if she has given you chance after chance after chance and nothing changed.

You are gonna have to make some big changes and it's gonna take work on yourself and to convince her, that it would be different if she came back.

[Teh_wulf]

I am doing some pretty big things to sort myself out.

I am seeing a councillor. and about the depression and anxiet? well my nan got addicted to the drugs so I am not going on them, and I have booked to start Speech therapy and art therapy. I am seeing a second councillor about what happend in my past, and am expecting a phone call tomorrow for my appointment.

I love this girl with all that I am. I love her to ****ing bits. And always will. Yeah I ****ed her about. But I have heard from her friends, that she still loves me aswell... although I can't trust friends anymore as some of them have made our situation worse >_<

Ivan

[cmacattack1]

Breaking up is a painful and difficult thing to do. It's pretty hard (dare I say impossible?) thing and most don't have the stomach or the self control or the understanding to do it in one day, one instant. So they make it a gradual thing. She feels incredibly guilty, I know she does. Even if you were a dick. The time you spent building the bond you have/had, it takes it's toll on both of you. They will say things like "We will talk in a couple weeks, see where we are then, etc. etc.". The line I got from my ex was "You are the one, just not now." It doesn't matter what they say, you have to look at their actions. And their actions were dumping you. They chose to end building a life together with you to be apart, away from you. It doesn't match up and you shouldn't think for a second that a talk in two weeks will fix everything. If you even talk at all. I say this because that is the reality of the situation.

I mean think about it. Why would she dump you if she wanted to just get back together? What would be the point?

You have to accept that this relationship is over. You tried apologizing. I'm sure you had a speech or two. It didn't work. This is what she wanted. So let her deal with the consequences. Being there for her is actually pushing her away, if it makes sense at all. Knowing that you will always be there for her will help give her a cushion and the confidence to move forward. Because that is what she is doing. She is out there looking for your replacement right now. Many girls don't have the strength to break up UNLESS they have somebody else to jump to that is ready and waiting for them. Sorry if it's the scary truth.

The first thing you should be concerned about is not how to get her back, but how to find happiness, fun, everything that seemed great before, only without her. This is if you really value you and putting yourself first. And I know you want to put yourself first because no matter how much she doesn't want you in her life, you do want her. You did it before you had her in your life. You can do it again. With you having fun and living life without her in it, she will see the person you were before that she fell in love with in the first place. But that's the point of cutting contact and giving her space. To get her out of your system and start moving forward. Easier said than done and it's something you have to commit to EVERY SINGLE DAY. It's a battle every day. You start looking back, you keep looking at her facebook, you keep trying to talk to her, you are just going to fall back into the horrible feeling you are feeling right now.

Fall off the face of the planet. Let the two week period go by, if she talks to you, take it from there. You don't need to talk to her so if she doesn't, no big deal. No matter how this works out, you will be okay. She is not the only person on this Earth for you.

And please, don't make this any harder on yourself and start forgiving yourself as well. You made mistakes, you weren't perfect. But you recognize those mistakes and are working on correcting them, right? Would you say she never made a mistake? Of course she did, she contributed as well. Your experience from this, your self realization increased your self awareness, and you are a stronger, better person for it.

[xxazurexx]

Why would she dump you if she wanted to just get back together? ...

To make him sit up and realise she means business. To give him a taste of life without her in it and for a little while.

It can be her way of saying 'Buck up your ways, or I'm gone and going for good'.

Sometimes it takes walking away, even if only for a little while and to make them realise what they are going to lose or could lose.

I know, because I've done it.

I'm not saying that is the case in this instant, because when some women walk, they do choose to go for good. But sometimes they also walk and to see if he will also change. If he can show he is willing to or has changed/that things will improve, she may give another chance and she may return soon after the breakup. It all depends upon if she has any feelings left for him and if her heart is still in wanting to be with him and make it work.

If the break up is lingering on though and she's still saying she wants space...then it's time to write it off and give up.

[cmacattack1]

To make him sit up and realise she means business. To give him a taste of life without her in it and for a little while.

It can be her way of saying 'Buck up your ways, or I'm gone and going for good'.

Sometimes it takes walking away, even if only for a little while and to make them realise what they are going to lose or could lose.

I know, because I've done it.

I'm not saying that is the case in this instant, because when some women walk, they do choose to go for good. But sometimes they also walk and to see if he will also change. If he can show he is willing to or has changed/that things will improve, she may give another chance and she may return soon after the breakup. It all depends upon if she has any feelings left for him and if her heart is still in wanting to be with him and make it work.

If the break up is lingering on though and she's still saying she wants space...then it's time to write it off and give up.

Right, and I understand that. It just seems like it should be the Plan Z, when nothing else works this is your only option for your own personal self value. As I've said before if it takes breaking up to make them change their ways, they were too immature for the relationship in the first place. And if they know you are going to come back, and the sooner they do, the less chance there is of making an actual change. It takes a long time to really instrument those changes, and how do you know this if you guys are apart? We all can talk the sweet talk but after breaking those promises, you have a tainted view of the dumpee. You don't know if the changes are permanent It's such a risky situation for you. And I'm sure the guy that you did take back bit you in the ass again, right?

[xxazurexx]

^^LOL, yeah that is correct, I won't deny it. I ended it a few times and hoping he'd change. At one point I was gone and stayed gone for 3 months. Things had appeared to have changed, but in fact they hadn't, which led to me finally walking for good and it will be a cold day in hell before I go back. He got chances and blew them all and he won't ever change IMO. I think the problem was, is that he thought I would keep going back and because I'd gone back so many times.....but this time I didn't go back.

In this situation though it's still early days and perhaps a little too early to tell if she's gone for good or not, or if she's testing him.

But you are right of course, if we get back together immediatley, things usually don't change. I mean my situation for example...3 months!! And still no change.

[cmacattack1]

^^LOL, yeah that is correct, I won't deny it. I ended it a few times and hoping he'd change. At one point I was gone and stayed gone for 3 months. Things had appeared to have changed, but in fact they hadn't, which led to me finally walking for good and it will be a cold day in hell before I go back. He got chances and blew them all and he won't ever change IMO. I think the problem was, is that he thought I would keep going back and because I'd gone back so many times.....but this time I didn't go back.

In this situation though it's still early days and perhaps a little too early to tell if she's gone for good or not, or if she's testing him.

But you are right of course, if we get back together immediatley, things usually don't change. I mean my situation for example...3 months!! And still no change.

It took me AT LEAST a few months to really put those changes into effect, and it's taking much longer to really hone these new skills I didn't have before. Something I'm trying to do to get better every day. Did I mention I was an asshole ex? And you have to want to. If you are out trying to chase after another person to take away your loneliness and running away from your responsibility in your past relationship instead of working on yourself, you aren't growing or going anywhere. Many people even have this mindset where they think "Oh if we were right for each other, we would have worked out. We didn't so we aren't." and STILL continue on as the same person. Yikes, good luck with that pipedream.

Short answer: 3 months seem like an eternity when you love them and want to be with them and have nobody else in your sights, but it is not long at all. Not at all.