She is seeing someone else

[Cizzel]

There is a girl I have been seeing for about two months. We had talked about our relationship and both said to each other that we were not sure what we wanted out of the relationship but that we were both enjoying each other company and essential were seeing each other exclusively even though we did not give each other the "boyfriend", "girlfriend" title.

I had been traveling a lot for work and had not seen her in a while and recently in the past two weeks she started growing distant and admitted she started seeing someone else after I hinted she was acting different. I told her that I was disappointed to find out but appreciated her honesty. I obviously care for this girl so what would be the best move from here other then just leaving it alone and seeing how it plays out? It would be wrong of me to profess my love to her because both her and I were not there yet but it is frustrating to me that what was developing into what I thought was a good thing was essentially terminated prematurely. I would like to keep the door open for a possible second go and at the same time not chump myself out as being a secondary option. Thoughts?

[chris7781uk]

This exact same thing happened to me around 3-4 months ago. I had not long finished a relationship, just before christmas, then thought i'd be single for a good year or two. But i met this girl, and we seemed to click, i'll admit, after the second date i was smitten by her, and so was she with me (or so i thought), anyway this went on for a few weeks til eventually i started to feel like i was getting the cold shoulder from her. So i asked her, and she then told me, not looking for relationship, blah blah blah. Then i found out there was someone else anyway. Anyway, i then got over it, and now, only two months or so later, i've met someone else whos the love of my life, and the best thing now is, the girl i was interested in has text a few times asking if i wanna go out. So my advice to you would be, not to get too attached, i would try and get over it, coz if she says she doesnt want a relationship, or is actually seeing someone else, your just setting yourself up for heartbreak if you continue it. I admit, i was gutted when the first girl told me she didnt wanna know, it kept me awake and i found it quite hard to take. I think its rejection more than anything. Just enjoy your single life, you'll meet someone better

[Gigabitch]

You know the old saying, Cizzel, "strike while the iron is hot"? Well, the iron was hot and you didn't strike. It's not very attractive to have someone give you a "well, maybe" kind of response, and that's what you and this girl both gave each other. I'm not surprised she kept looking. You should keep looking too, and hopefully you'll find someone that is a definite YES for you, not a person who makes you want to wait and see how it pans out.

[Kaius]

as long as yall are not having sex, then just play by ear.
I would never sleep with someone who is not exclusively with me. That's just asking for trouble.

[Cizzel]

Gigabitch,
I dont necessarily agree with your view point respectively. Yes I made this mistake of not conveying enough interest in the girl but its not as if we has been together for an extended period of time to where I can say definitively say she is the "one". Clearly enough feelings are there for me to make the effort to talk to several other friends about it and post my situation about it on a public message board for some constructive input. I just cant imagine that the best move is to be so dismissive, write her off and move on.. Mistakes were made on both are parts but I dont think any of it is not irreconcilable. The question is really, do I make effort to reach out and have a dialogue with her and discuss how I would like to make it work or play the ignore game and see if she comes back. Or is there another option I am not seeing...

[lahnnabell]

Games never work out. Honesty is the best way to go. Giga isn't saying that you had to tell this girl that you wanted to be her one and only. However, it is apparent (based on your current feelings about this girl) that you weren't very aware of your feelings in the first place. You weren't sure about anything, and so you let the "relationship" sort of just coast. No real direction. Now that you don't have her at all, you want her.

If you were traveling for work, did you make any attempt to contact her, or let her know you were thinking of her? That's not a commitment, but it would certainly let her know that you're still into her. If you just went silent for "a while" as you put it, I'd probably cash out too. And if she wasn't contacting you then perhaps she was not as interested in the first place.

[Cizzel]

If you were traveling for work, did you make any attempt to contact her, or let her know you were thinking of her? That's not a commitment, but it would certainly let her know that you're still into her. If you just went silent for "a while" as you put it, I'd probably cash out too. And if she wasn't contacting you then perhaps she was not as interested in the first place.

Yes we were talking throughout all my travels although If we were keeping score she was initiating the interaction slightly more. I dont mean or want to play games with her whatsoever but I am concerned of the risk of expressing my feelings to her and then she strings me a long while she continues to see someone else. Not saying that for sure would happen but its a possible outcome.

Never make someone a priority when you are only an option.

[lahnnabell]

Well, just as you don't appreciate her playing games with you, she won't enjoy it either. If you want, you can inject a hell of a lot of negative energy into this "relationship" by attempting to play a game with her emotions in an attempt to get her back. However, that doesn't seem like a very forward, honest thing to do. And the best way to behave going into a relationship is by being honest. She was honest with you when you questioned her sudden lack of interest in pursuing something with you.

Now, another thing. You need to understand that by not committing to one another, you and she were still on the market. Maybe you didn't feel this way, and that is why I said you were not very aware of your feelings from the start. If you were truly comfortable with letting things coast, you would not be upset about her casually dating. She made no promises to you, and you made none to her. So, in her eyes, you don't have much of a reason to be upset.

Understand that there are risks when you get involved with another person emotionally and/or physically. It is a big decision to put yourself on the line. Relationships are a gamble at times. You make this effort to put yourself out there, make your feelings known, and you're never sure if it's going to work out. Even when you are in a committed relationship, life still happens. This idea you have of "you and her" doesn't exist outside of time. People can break up for reasons having nothing to do with how they feel about one another. Sometimes it just goes that way. Is it sad? Yes. Without sadness, we wouldn't know happiness. Those two polar opposites, and the gray area in between, are what help us define our world.

That being said, I think this is less about how you feel about her and more about how her decision makes you feel about yourself. She decided that she wanted to date someone else, which means she is less interested in you than you thought. It's an ego blow, but it doesn't mean something is wrong with you. I think it's good that you are not committed, and you should log some casual dating hours in the mean time. Then you can commit to someone you KNOW you want to be with.

[Gigabitch]

Clearly enough feelings are there for me to make the effort to talk to several other friends about it and post my situation about it on a public message board for some constructive input.

Those feelings were not made clear to her. The message you sent was that she was your Miss Maybe.

If we were keeping score she was initiating the interaction slightly more.

Looks like she was keeping score. Girls hate it when they feel like they're chasing a guy. It's humiliating.

[mrtdg82]

Wow i was once in the exact same situation as that however despite us both making loads of effort she would never commit to the relationship or whatever it was. Strangely we acted like boyfriend and girlfriend but never actually made it official. The she went quiet, ended the whole thing and i found out there was someone else.

I simply moved on from it, its all you can do. I tried the keep distant tactic but fact was after our 2-3 month thing i wasnt right for her so she moved on. I accepted that and did the same.