Up until 2 weeks ago I was dating a girl that I really liked. (And when I say "girl," I mean "woman." We're both comfortably over 30.)
We dated over 6 weeks and had about a dozen dates. They were all good. We did get intimate rather quickly, and she expressed doubts about that. I was kinda thinking maybe we should have taken it slower, too. We talked about this.
I was honest with her and told her about some of my insecurities. She was honest with me and told me about some majorly screwed-up things that happened to her in her past.
She's busy trying to advance her career. She works a lot. I work a lot. I'm trying to launch a creative endeavor on the side.
Anyway, two weeks ago, We met up for a drink and had a nice time. The next day she texted me and invited me over that night to hang out. We had a good time (no sex, just a drink and some kissing).
The next morning, she calls me and it goes like this:
Her: "You know, I think we got too intimate too fast, and I feel bad. I don't want to hold you back."
Me: "If you're calling me to say we can only be friends and you can't see me for a while, then there's nothing I can do about that. I've just got to move on."
Her: "That's not why I'm calling you."
Over the next week-and-a-half, I called her once and texted her two or three times. She returned my messages with what seemed like "courtesy texts," like she was just doing it just to be, well, polite. She returned my one phone call the day after and kinda busted my chops for even questioning why I hadn't seen her in over a week. She said I knew she was sick. (This was a Thursday and the last I had heard from her was 3 days before in a text. I had no idea she was still sick.) As a side note, she was driving to work and working a few hours here and a few hours there while she was sick. She didn't initiate any contact with me over those two weeks, i.e., yes, she responded to my phone call and a few texts, but she didn't contact me outside of responding to my messages.
I called her last week and left a message saying, "What's up with me not seeing you in 2 weeks? We haven't even talked in a week-and-a-half." She returned with a voicemail saying that I was trying to make it sound like she was to blame and reminding me that she had responded to my phone call and texts.
Today I left her a message and told her honestly that I think she's done with me and all I wanted was one last conversation to clear the air and so that she could tell me what happened. Very doubtful we'll ever have that conversation.
Anyway, life sucks sometimes. You go out with someone, spend a lot of time with them and the dates end with kissing and cuddling. You think some moments are meaningful and it turns out, those moments are rather fleeting. That's the funny thing about those moments in life: reflecting on them, there's a beauty and a sadness all at once.