To trust or not to trust

[marc1983]

Not sure if any remember my last thread but have since totally got away from my ex and focusing on my current girlfriend.

I love her dearly and honestly I know if I met her at a later stage of her life we would be plain sailing into the sunset, but I didn't.

She is 19 and I'm 26 maybe its an age gap thing or maybe I'm being naive I don't know. She is a very easy girl to get on with and attracts a lot of attention from blokes.

She recently went travelling and has been gone for over 3 months, currently 2 and a half weeks left. Its been a bit of a roller coaster, I've seen loads of pictures of her with guys and a good few of her planting cheek kisses for the pictures. She has about 100 new friends that she has added on there that she has met while travelling with a high majority of them being geezas. I even see one pic of a bloke wearing her dress which she explained was a bet where all the blokes put on the girls dresses but I didnt see any other blokes wearing any. Basically I've had a fair bit to test me but no actually proof and when I bring it up she gets really emotional and hates that I'm doubting her. She has been pissed most nights and out clubbing and she even recons her drink was spiked one night, she rung me when she was in the room alone and she did sound weird, but then the next day said she went to sleep with a tampon in and woke without one, but didnt feel any different down there. Could this just be a cover up so she can accept that she cheated and block off any guilt? She swears blind she wouldnt cheat on me and said she wants to marry me indefinately. She bought some claddagh ring that she wears constantly and you can see it in all the pictures, means her heart is taken or something, but to me this could just be something that she knows may make me more comfortable but she dont really give a shit about. she has also easily spent �3k+ on keeping in contact with me.

I know it sounds crazy considering all that and I never once had any of these doubts before she went away because we got on so well. Honestly I've never felt so close to anyone or that 1 person was this perfect for me, but its all changed since she has gone. She has admitted her mate who she is travelling with has slept with untold amounts of blokes and Im certain they have invited blokes back to there room.

I'm really stuck most of my mates say I'm being naive and at her age of course she is going to cheat, but hand she has declared so much to me and how much she wants to only be with me and that no other bloke interests her that I believe her on the other hand. Its weird at the beginning of the trip she was so anti bloke and she was saying she has been acting like a nun and the hassle of blokes was driving her mad, but after about a month or so she stopped mentioning it and seems really happy in pics with all these blokes round her. Could she be having her last bit of fun before coming back to me? I couldnt deal with that!

Then this is just the start of it, she is off to uni in september and we all know what its like there, I honestly think I'm gonna end up destroying myself or our relationship if I cant just trust her.

I really want to let go and not have to worry about her but at the same time I feel if I let my guard down then I'm gonna get burned!!! I'm actually really worried that because I have all these doubts when she comes back the not knowing if she done anything is gonna make me a lot more reserved. I'm dying to have sex with her but at the same time the thought that someone else couldve been there is repulsing me!

Would love to hear from people who have been in a similar situation if there is!

[girl68]

WTF the tampon part, it don't just fall out... Sounds like she's crossed all sorts of lines but may or may not have played with dick.

[marc1983]

HAHA she said she doesnt remember a single thing from the night. When I asked her did anything feel different down there she said no but she said she did have a tampon in and woke up without it. She said she'd normally take it out but as she cant remember anything she werent sure what happened maybe she just went to the loo.

In my eyes yes she definately has but when I speak to her her reassurance is so persuasive that I do end up feeling like an idiot for doubting her.

She does have a hell of a lot of bloke "friends" and has no problem meeting them, I just feel that she shouldnt be putting herself out like that because I don't! I have no interest in getting matey or keeping old contacts alive it confuses me why she is like it!

I'm a firm believer that male and females arent ever just friends I may add!

[asdfg789]

I think for her age and in her environment, you need to let her be free to experience the world and make friends.

If you feel that you cannot trust her, you should let her go. Better for both parties concerned.

[xxazurexx]

So she went to bed with a tampon in and woke up with it missing? Why the heck would she tell you that kinda crap?

If her drink had been spiked, then she would have been totally oblivious to everything going on around her. The tampon could have fallen out without her being aware it has, (ie: toilet), or if she's been messing with some guy, it may be trapped inside of her. She will know soon enough and if that's the case and she starts to get cramps and all of her insides become infected. She should take a trip to the docs and to check things are ok.

She's 19, good looking...of course she is going to have guys flocking around her.

If you can't accept that and become paranoid over the slightest thing, which it seems to me you are doing, then perhaps you shouldn't be in the relationship.

[xxazurexx]

She does have a hell of a lot of bloke "friends" and has no problem meeting them, I just feel that she shouldnt be putting herself out like that because I don't! I have no interest in getting matey or keeping old contacts alive it confuses me why she is like it!

Probably because she is 19, still young and enjoying herself!!

If you don't want other guys to look at her, then perhaps you should buy her a hijab....

[girl68]

I'm a firm believer that male and females arent ever just friends I may add!

I think THIS is the main problem. I don't care what you think about that, she doesn't agree. Something needs to give and it could be the relationship. I think she's too young (clearly- by her actions) to be so seriously tied to you.

[Charisma]

She recently went travelling and has been gone for over 3 months, currently 2 and a half weeks left.

So, lemme get this straight. She's travelling for about 3 and a half months, and you thought she'd never speak to a guy ever the whole time??

This does seem like a difficult situation for you. I can't tell if she's cheated or not. I can't even tell if she's lying about cheating or not. What I can say is that she's probably thinking *wtf* at all the stuff you're asking about the blokes and stuff. Your reaction is pretty justified, since she's your gf. But at the same time, it's the kind of stuff people do with their friends if they are on holiday or travelling or whatever for a long time. They party, do crazy stuff, talk to utter strangers. And wake up in the morning not knowing what's happened.

I really think it would have been better for you to have spoke about this kind of stuff with your gf before the trip. So she'd understand your reaction to random guys in her dress, and also for you to understand that she'd be drinking and partying and stuff. Now, she's gonna have photos for like reminders of the trip, and you're gonna question every one that has a bloke in it, and she's gonna be thinking of reasons/excuses or if she was drunk at the time trying to figure out just who is the bloke in the pic. Doesn't sound very fair to either of yous. You shouldn't have to worry about her, and she shouldn't have to not make friends with men to make you happy.

So I can't think of any advice.

Personally I'd be feeling pretty guilty that she's spent like over 3k (of I dunno what money symbol that is) keeping in contact with you, and all you've been doing is doubting her loyalty, when she's cutting into her money to speak to you! But that's just me.

[VincenzoG91]

She doesn't sound like relationship material to me. Partying with lots of different guys? Drinking until she has blackouts and memory loss? Letting some random dude wear her dress? Friending 100 people that she met on her trip? She just wants to have fun and doesn't think about how things might look to you. Let her go and date someone who is a little more mature, like say at least 22.

[marc1983]

ok cool so I guess the common consensus here is that I should cut off from her. I know it may not seem it from this but I am pretty relaxed and at the same time although I kicked up a fuss and have mentioned everything I havent liked to her she has always explained that she has no interest in other guys and she is only chatting to them and being friendly. Its so weird cause although I hate that she does have all these guys that are clearly trying it, I don't expect her to sit in the corner on her own at all.

Probably because she is 19, still young and enjoying herself!!

If you don't want other guys to look at her, then perhaps you should buy her a hijab....

So to a girl going out and having blokes chasing her is fun, when supposidly she has the guy she wants to marry at home?

So, lemme get this straight. She's travelling for about 3 and a half months, and you thought she'd never speak to a guy ever the whole time??

This does seem like a difficult situation for you. I can't tell if she's cheated or not. I can't even tell if she's lying about cheating or not. What I can say is that she's probably thinking *wtf* at all the stuff you're asking about the blokes and stuff. Your reaction is pretty justified, since she's your gf. But at the same time, it's the kind of stuff people do with their friends if they are on holiday or travelling or whatever for a long time. They party, do crazy stuff, talk to utter strangers. And wake up in the morning not knowing what's happened.

I really think it would have been better for you to have spoke about this kind of stuff with your gf before the trip. So she'd understand your reaction to random guys in her dress, and also for you to understand that she'd be drinking and partying and stuff. Now, she's gonna have photos for like reminders of the trip, and you're gonna question every one that has a bloke in it, and she's gonna be thinking of reasons/excuses or if she was drunk at the time trying to figure out just who is the bloke in the pic. Doesn't sound very fair to either of yous. You shouldn't have to worry about her, and she shouldn't have to not make friends with men to make you happy.

So I can't think of any advice.

Personally I'd be feeling pretty guilty that she's spent like over 3k (of I dunno what money symbol that is) keeping in contact with you, and all you've been doing is doubting her loyalty, when she's cutting into her money to speak to you! But that's just me.

No I never thought that at all, obviously she was gonna meet blokes but I thought she was going travelling to see the world not a round the world pub crawl! Definately agree we should have spoke more about it all but we was so strong and everything seemed so right it was like nothing would faze us. Honestly she doesnt actually know Im questioning it like this, she thinks we are all fine, I dont want to put anymore pressure on her about it not with only a few weeks to go.

3k is £3000+ the first month her phone bill was £2.5k god knows how much she has spent on credit since.

She doesn't sound like relationship material to me. Partying with lots of different guys? Drinking until she has blackouts and memory loss? Letting some random dude wear her dress? Friending 100 people that she met on her trip? She just wants to have fun and doesn't think about how things might look to you. Let her go and date someone who is a little more mature, like say at least 22.

I didnt say she drunk till she blacked out, tbh when she spoke about the spiked drink I do believe her, she was in her room some guys gave her a drink he didnt want, she left went to a pub. Went outside for a fag and blacked out. Her mate found her and took her to the room where she phoned me. She sounded on another planet and not drunk at all.


I think I'm just gonna have to ride it out till she is back and she how things are then. She rings me everyday and has never once said she doesnt want to be with me, but I guess if she plans on acting like this when she is in uni then I'll have to call it a day!

[girl68]

she makes enough to pay 3k a month in phone bills!?

[VincenzoG91]

...and take a 3-month vacation? No, that's gotta be money from her parents.

[xxazurexx]

So to a girl going out and having blokes chasing her is fun, when supposidly she has the guy she wants to marry at home?

Just because men may be chasing her, doesnt mean she is going to get off with them! Not like she is asking them to chase her is it and she can't help it, if she is a bubbly, friendly girl....it's in her nature to be that way and this is probably what attracted you yourself to her.

And yes, she will like it that she gets the attention of guys, She wil be flattered.....know I was at 19 anyway.

Yet again and I repeat, she is a 19 year old girl who is only just starting to live her life...not a 35 year old woman!!....S-H-E-E-S-H....

And how long have you been seeing her? You mention in your initial post, that you were on here recently, crying over some other woman and this is your new gf. And you talk of marrying? Don't you think you should get to know each other first and before you decide to marry?

BTW, when I was 19 I promised to marry every bf I had too...honestly!

If you are looking for something permanent, pick someone your OWN age.

Don't try to pin down this social butterfly.....for she will surely fly away.

[xxazurexx]

she makes enough to pay 3k a month in phone bills!?

Bit of an over exaggeration I reckon. Who the heck spends 3k a month on calls - that would be a total of 9 and a half k in 3 months...uhm, whatever.

[VincenzoG91]

Who the heck spends 3k a month on calls - that would be a total of 9 and a half k in 3 months...uhm, whatever.

Who takes 3-month vacations? Her family has plenty of money, from the sounds of it.