Will we ever get back together?

[tomatoes]

We've been dating for about a year. Officially in a relationship for 3 months.
We argued and broke up last thursday.

I made a mistake by sending millions of text messages and miss calls to him the first 3 days of our break up.
I was calmer on tuesday and decided to call him.
I apologize and all and he said he'll think about it.
I called him yesterday and at first he said 'okay' to ... start things slowly again.

But after a few hours he sent a text message saying he think about what he wants and he really don't think he wants to get back together. He said he doesn't wanna change his decision and let's just be friends. When I asked him why, he said he's not sure but he thinks that he wanna fully commit himself to himself to improve his studies and other aspects in order to lighten his parent's burden. "And maybe I wanna move on too I guess".

I know I should too. But I wanna know if it's possible to be together again. I stopped being emotional about it (eventhough I'm all broken inside) but I talked to him as if nothing happened; asking him to study hard and stuff.

But all I wanna know is, is it even possible to get back together when things like this happens? What if I move on and live my life to the fullest; will he look back at me? I'm not being desperate. It's just I think he IS that guy. I just wanna know if it's even possible to start off with.

[Cloud206]

Every time a person falls in love thinks that he/she is the perfect person.You'll think the same for the next one .Don't worry and try to get over this,it's nobody's fault just didn't work out.

[tomatoes]

Yeah I understand what you mean. But I know what I did wrong... I just felt like you know; maybe we can fix things in the future. Ah, I know it's stupid.
People tell me that if I leave him alone, he might find me. I wonder if that's true. I am somehow skeptical about it.

[DominicPaolo]

Hey. If you two really love each other, then nobody is going to stop you. Love is so powerful that nobody is going to break it. The question here is: "How willing are you to get him back and your relationship?" I was in the same situation as you 2 years ago. I needed all the help I could get. My friends, family, and some articles and books to solve my situation. I recommend you talk to your friends and ask them for advice. With regards to the book and resources, the one that helped me a lot was this book called [URL="http://romanticdateideas.org/go/Pull-Your-Ex-Back/"]Pull You Ex Back and How to Get Your Relationship Back on Track[/URL]. Or if you want some romantic ideas to rekindle the fire that was lost between you and your partner, check this website called [URL="http://romanticdateideas.org"]Romantic Date Ideas[/URL] and Relationships. I hyperlinked the text so you could check it out. It helped me a lot and I hope it does the same for you. I wish you all the best and good luck. I hope everything will be well because I do not want to see anybody in a broken relationship.

[tomatoes]

well the thing is... he said he wants to be alone for now. he said he wants to like... work on himself. =/

[VincenzoG91]

All those text messages and phone calls have him thinking that you're a psycho. The only reasonable thing that you can do now is give him space. Lots of space. Don't even think of contacting him now. Wait for him to decide that he wants to talk to you.

[NBT]

First question:

Why did you two break up?

[tomatoes]

well... long story. =/
I was having problem coping with my current life and I want him to be there you know? and he wouldn't because he wants to be alone most of the time. He likes to be alone.
then i went mad when he posted on his facebook he wants to be alone and i just cancel the relationship status. it ended up as a real break up.

when I was sobbing like mad (i did this stupid thing by calling him) and beg him to come back.
he told me that it's not working and we're too different.

so after all the mad calling i did, i asked him why he wanted to break up and not get back together again.

He said he just wanna focus and put full commitment to himself right now. His studies isn't as good; and he wants to improve it and lift his parent's burden (i'm repeating myself?) and he said he wanna move on too.

It wasn't working because I was too depressed and upset. Well =/ nobody is perfect and I am not. We're too different because sometimes i just felt like picking fights and disagree on what he said. (he looks cute when i did that. huehuehue)

OKAY SO bottom line it's so my problem right?

[NBT]

Ok. Well first off, anybody who "wants to be alone" all the damn time, DOESN'T need to be in a RELATIONSHIP.

Secondly, YOU need to understand that if he DOESN'T make a good BOYFRIEND (if he DID you wouldn't have had those PROBLEMS) he's not someone you should BE with.

If my girl didn't wanna help me through anything, or be around me, why would I want to STAY in a RELATIONSHIP with her? That's counter productive.

And it's OBVIOUS that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with YOU (for various reasons) so you've GOT to give it up.

All this begging and pleading and kissing his ass and sucking his **** to get him BACK is NOT the way to GO, sweetheart.

Put all that effort into YOURSELF, or, at LEAST a guy who will give the SAME effort BACK to you.

[tomatoes]

Uh... true NBT... true. I know I'm in this 'post-break up-syndrome' where I wish that in the future we can get back together and things like that.

I stopped begging him 2/3 days after and talked to him calmly and he said we can be friends.

I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN BE FRIENDS WITH HIM. you know? Being friends with him may just give me hope to BE WITH HIM again. I don't know if i should even talk to him and I don't know HOW to talk to him as a friend.

You think it's a good a idea to you know, make myself better in every single way and have him to see how better I am going to be? It's not revenge, it's just... i just have that urge to do so.

[NBT]

Uh... true NBT... true. I know I'm in this 'post-break up-syndrome' where I wish that in the future we can get back together and things like that.

I stopped begging him 2/3 days after and talked to him calmly and he said we can be friends.

I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN BE FRIENDS WITH HIM. you know? Being friends with him may just give me hope to BE WITH HIM again. I don't know if i should even talk to him and I don't know HOW to talk to him as a friend.

You think it's a good a idea to you know, make myself better in every single way and have him to see how better I am going to be? It's not revenge, it's just... i just have that urge to do so.

Honestly, it might be a good idea if you STOP talking to him all TOGETHER.

Here's why:

1) You're not sure how to talk to him as *only* a friend.
2) You're too infatuated with this guy to even BE his friend (a REAL friend anyway)

He can't talk to you about other girls, etc. You'll get jealous, EVEN if you don't SHOW it. That's bad for you.

3) If you guys continue to talk on a regular basis, he won't NOTICE a change in you, even if you DO better yourself.
4) If you want him to MISS you, you need to MAKE him miss you (STOP always BEING there!)

By the time you DO talk to him again (in a month, 3 months, 5 months, whatever) he WILL notice a difference in you.

But HOPEFULLY by that time, you won't CARE what he thinks. You'll be a better person FOR YOU, and NOT HIM.

See what you're not UNDERSTANDING is....

Instead of trying to be a better person for HIM, it's HIM that should be better for YOU.

Sadly though, you see HIM as the prize, instead of YOURSELF

(Same guy who doesn't want to be BOTHERED with you, yet HE'S the prize? lol)


I know what it's like to wanna "transform" yourself into the "perfect person" so you can get your ex's attention.

But in the END, it is NOT worth it. Because by that time, it's not just HOW YOU ACT that's the problem, it's WHO YOU ARE!

You need to let MORE than enough time pass, before he sees or talks to you again.

Work on yourself. Improve yourself and FIX yourself (whatever problems YOU think you have)

Then when he sees or talks to you in a few months, just be reeeeeaaalllly casual. Yep. He will notice.

He'll notice that you aren't that same little NEEDY GIRL anymore. No longer immature, picking fights, or needing him to make you happy. You'll already BE happy, WITHOUT him. And that's what'll be attractive to him at that point.

Try it.

[tomatoes]

Okay NBT Thank you.

I was just wondering; I can take time to change, and I will be different and I probably don't need him in my life anymore. (Probably doesn't want him back anymore). Wouldn't he be the same? By then, wouldn't he lives his life fine without me? =/ So where comes the attraction after he moved on? @_@ This is what I don't understand. People tell me not to talk to him in order for him to miss me, but wouldn't giving him extra time makes him forget about me? Ahh. Men are complicated!

p/s: He's not THAT bad. He's having issues as well.

So yeah. I guess I'll stop talking to him for a month or two.

[Charisma]

yeah, NTB said it in a rather fantastic way.

And why only stop talking to him for a month or 2??!?!?! stop talking to him FOREVER!!!!

Stop making bloody excuses for him! He doesn't want to give things a try. He wasn't making an effort. And even then, he's already said he's trying to improve his studies- when do you think he's gonna have time for you?!?!?! er...he probably won't!

Don't you understand that there's probably 500 better guys than him out there for you to meet????

p.s. when people say men will miss you when you aren't there, it's cos they are like elastic bands-the more you pull away, the more they spring back. An elastic band that's together at both sides end up being too slack and stuff.

[tomatoes]

yeah, NTB said it in a rather fantastic way.

And why only stop talking to him for a month or 2??!?!?! stop talking to him FOREVER!!!!

Stop making bloody excuses for him! He doesn't want to give things a try. He wasn't making an effort. And even then, he's already said he's trying to improve his studies- when do you think he's gonna have time for you?!?!?! er...he probably won't!

Don't you understand that there's probably 500 better guys than him out there for you to meet????

p.s. when people say men will miss you when you aren't there, it's cos they are like elastic bands-the more you pull away, the more they spring back. An elastic band that's together at both sides end up being too slack and stuff.

Uh... I can't explain why a month or two. Because... he said we could be friends...? I don't know. It seemed mean to not talk to him like forever >< So I shouldn't talk to him at all? Then he wouldn't realize any differences in me. I do realize that there are better men outside. Ahhh, I'm confused. I just don't feel like being with anyone right now. I don't want to look up to other men right now and him...? I don't think I want to get back together now either.

[tomatoes]

Oh yeah. x_X we have each other's facebook. He even know that one of his friend is talking to me like almost everyday. ( it's not that I WANNA talk to him but his friend just find me alot.) Should I delete his facebook? =0 if i do wouldn't that mean no turning back? x_X and should I ignore his innocent friend?