can i get her back?

[marcopolo182]

hi, i'm new to this so thanks for looking at my post. i'm simply just looking for advise on you think i could do. my most recent girlfriend has recently broken up with just over a week ago and she is a woman that i would really like to be with, i've had my heart broken before about 5 years ago and i know what not to do lol, but i still don't know what to do. we were together for nearly two years, we met at university and we get on freat with each other. we understand each completely also, however at the end of last year the relationship became long distance as i have been in england paying off some student bank loans about 10grand that i'm still paying off and she's working in luxembourg as she is french so she lives there. i know people are going to say that distance can be hard but the honest truth it wasn't a big issue for us so i don't think thats the deciding factor to why she wanted to end it. i'll put some exerts from some of the conversations we've had online and email, but she told me on the phone is that she basically had doubt etc... but the doubts that she was having were completly normal in my oppinion such as finding other people attractive etc it's natural to find people attractive don't you agree?

anyway she still e-mails me (without me contacting her) and still comes online to see if i'm there to talk to me. i thought that maybe i just wasn't right for but she said that i was and that if i finally made the move there it would be perfect and that we would stay together here is one of her e-mail

"ur behaviour was and is utterly perfect.. if we try, I know we will stay together cus we get on good etc.. the pb is not the relationship wasn’t good, its I wasn’t 100 % sure to stay definitively with u (cus it wd have been like that if u came here, I know it ) and oui I know its maybe normal to be sure 100% but the fact is I want to be 100% sure before thinking bout smth with so. I know this will maybe not happen, I willl then not be anyone at anytime, I have too much stuff to try to discover with me, how I react, why I do that, I feel completely unstable at the meantime, I have no idea what I want, what I don’t want, but the fact is I don’t want meeting guys, going to club and all this stuff, no I know I don’t want that, I maybe just want to live quietly, to try to fix myself , to concentrate a lot about my work, to start having a little loan for myself to buy a little flat..and only then I think I will be better inside me, more stable and everything..i have no idea if u understand me, I might be very confusing, I am so sorry about that baby cus I care about u but its like I don’t want a relationship at the meantime..so sorry."

now you also have understand that she is a very complicated woman with a lot of issues, i.e she stresses over everything, has a little ocd, get heart palpatations cus she stresses, but she has refused to get help, she is still convinced that we would have stayed together and worked if i went to france and i tried to tell her that it may not have we never know and she still says it would have..

she also says "i know I wont find someone else as cute as u are babe, u will always stay my little baby, but I just cannot stay with u at the meantime.."

in my oppinion i feel that she is scared that the relationship works. i don't want to let her go but if i have to then i will, but she is my perfect woman and i love her more than anything and i feel that i would have so many regrets in the future if i didn't fight for the relationship.

i'm just simply asking for some advice or outside imput.

thank you for taking the time to read this post

[OCEANNE]

I feel that maybe she's having the same sentiments as I am. LDR can be managed to an extent. Maybe she does love you and wanted the relationship to really work and wished you to be with her the very time she wants and that is now but she sees that can not happen. So instead of prolonging the pain, she would just rather end it now. Or maybe, she's giving you a choice for you to decide. You seem to really love her. In my opinion, give it another shot. DOn't give up on her yet. Talk to her about how much she means to you and you will be willing to give her the time she needs for herself but just for a time being and once everything will be settled on both sides, then be with each other. Give her that assurance that she's not easily to give up on. Give her hope....

Just my two cents....

It's still all up to you....

[Mister Wizard]

I feel you, man. Having had my fair share of long distance relationships, I know how tough it can be, and I understand her reasoning. Its hard to fight the feelings, and you technically shouldn't. She may have made up her mind though about not being in a relationship that is counties apart, but I guess there really is no harm in letting her know that distance means nothing to you and you would love to keep trying. But, if she's not ready for it, and she doesn't want to do it this way, then you'll have to let her go. Also, she seems like she's at a transition in her life where she needs some time alone or some time to think. And maybe, in the future, if you can find your way to her, or her to you, you can pick up where you left off.

[what_now]

I know how you feel as well, seeing as I'm going through something very similar. Personally my advice to you (and is what I'll probably do) is let her know that you're willing to try to make things work. Some people say to just break it off while things are good, so hopefully somewhere down the line you two can give it another try. Me? I don't know if I believe in that. Right now I think that if you can see yourself having a future with that person, giving up now isn't the right thing to do. Either way, best of luck to you!