Am I in a good position to get her back?

[Username37]

Sorry for the long story. I'm a newbie on this forum.

Alright, let me start from the beginning. 3 weeks ago my girlfriend of a year and a half broke up with me because I wasn't there for her at times when she really needed me and I caused her so much stress. She also said we had more bad memories than good (that's a lie that I could prove to her). The day after the break up, she gave me all the gifts I gave her back and we hung out after class. We both began reminising about our relationship and there was a LOT of tears. She then said we should give each other space. So I initiated no contact and during the NC she's been messaging me on FB to "check up on me" and even invited me to her party. She also texted me first a few times (which I replied back too). A few days ago, it was her birthday and she texted me saying that her birthday so far was really bad and that she was crying. I asked her if I could come to her place and maybe we could watch a movie or something and to my surprise she said yes. When I hung out with her, I gave her a birthday card which she said made her day and during the movie she showed some mixed signals like she was touching and looking at me at times, and even asked for a massage and stuff haha but she was also kinda distant from me. After it was done, I left and she said thank you for saving my b-day and gave me a hug. Driving home I felt happy that I made her happy but I was really confused. Did I show her that I still loved her? Does she love me still in a non friend way? Just stuff like that. Later that night, she texted me good night and thank you. By doing this to her, do you think I have a chance to get her back?

[LoveYou]

Yeah i think that you can get her back if you show her that you will be there for here by doing those stuff's.

[Username37]

I'm just worried that I'll fall into her "friend" category.

[IncognitoSir]

The way you dont fall into her "friend" category is to make it clear to her that you WANT to improve and be there for her. Then actually do that. She clearly still cares for you but you've hurt her a lot and she has mixed emotions about you right now. YOU need to giver her something to think about......something good to think about. Youre off to a great start but you gotta keep at it.

[Username37]

So should I just tell her straight that I still care about her and that I'm working on the mistakes I made in the past?

And I think the birthday thing was a good start. I'm seeing her at a party on Friday, I can do something there.

[iceblue]

Actions speak louder than words. So yes, you can tell her that you're working on the mistakes but you have to SHOW her that you're actually working on them. You can check out the site in my sig for more tips.

[Username37]

How can I show her?

Sorry for the many questions.

[IncognitoSir]

I'm not trying to be a asshole bro, but you're asking how can you show her? Think about it, review all the "mistakes" you made in the relationship. If her bday was a good start then you need to do more things like that, ie: check up on her, ask her how she's doing, is there anything you can do if she feels down, take her out, make her feel special....because she is to you right? You're gonna need to go out of your way if you're trying to win her back.

Remember It will definately be harder to win her back that it was to get her in the first place.

[Username37]

I don't think you sounded like an asshole hahaha

And yeah you're right. I'm gonna start texting her. Just simple "how's it going" and "Hi" and stuff.
I mean, she did text me a few times first, what's wrong with me starting?


Also, can a apology bring us back together? I'm planning on giving her an apology soon.

[cmacattack1]

By all means, do what you think is right. However you have to look at the big picture here. She dumps you, but after SHE'S the one coming to you when she needs something. And she is looking out for herself and yes she is coming to you when she NEEDS something. Even when she is talking to check up on you. She wants to know if you are still there, as a cushion in a way. She doesn't want you going anywhere and moving on without her. That's the situation, in a nutshell.

She felt that when she dumped you, your world would be over and screwed up and that you would be begging after her. Which it doesn't sound like you did. Which is good. I think in a way it made her feel like something was wrong with her, why she wasn't good enough to chase after, even though chasing after her would push her farther away. It would feed her ego, but it wouldn't get you any closer.

However, I don't think hanging out with her and trying to start things up again will get you where you want to be. She called you to talk to you on her birthday because it was a shitty day, she felt alone and she NEEDED somebody to be there. That's why she talked to you. You are so ready to prove to her that you are a new better person, why wouldn't you want to? Sure you are getting mixed messages, every day she is battling the idea of whether she made a mistake breaking up with you, but I'm telling you that as long as you guys aren't in a relationship, she is looking elsewhere. She is keeping you around as a cushion and when she finds somebody else and you are all upset and pissed off, guess what she is going to say? "We weren't really in a relationship." That will be a steel-toed boots kick to the nads when you hear it. I promise you.

That's why no contact is beautiful. You wouldn't be getting mixed messages. If you didn't respond to her B.S. checking up on you and so on, she'd feel forced to say how she felt if she wanted you to stick around. And then you would be getting somewhere. Right now, however, you are just getting her wishy washy, fluctuating emotions, bipolar kind of together but not girlfriend. I guess seeing as how everything played out, you can't just tell her that you need to be on your own and that you need space and THIS IS WHAT SHE WANTED. She wanted to break up with you but she still gets to talk to you and have you when she needs somebody? How messed up is that?

Proceed with caution. I really do hope things work out, but if they don't, you have been warned.

[Username37]

Thanks for the great advice Cmacattack1

Like I'm happy I was there for her, but it feels like I'm now in a bad position. And if you're wondering, I wasn't expecting anything from the hangout (like kissing, cuddling, etc. haha)
I felt like I had to be there. I mean for one, it was her birthday. If she had a bad day, she'll remember that forever.

And I got invited to her party on friday, what should I do?