Red, Orange or Green Flag??

[allsmiles]

I've been dating a guy for going on 2 months. He has this friend who happens to be a girl that he has known for about a year during the time he was going through a bad divorce she was there for him. He told me about her from day one but said he has never wanted to be with her and would never be with his friends but he felt that she might not feel the same. Saturday she came out and told him she wanted to be "friends with benefits" he turned her down which he has done on several occasions. He tells me she says he makes excuses why she can't come over to see him. She tracks his texts she sends to make sure they are delivered. She texts and calls him late at night asking if he is with a "Wh*re" She flipped out crying last night wondering why he is rejecting her. She is completely obsessed. I don't know exactly what all he has said to her except that he won't "be with" one of his friends and that he "doesn't want to go there" with her. He hasn't told her about me because she would get mad and he doesn't want to lose her as a friend but he says he recently told her he was at a "friends" house, when he was visiting me and he couldn't talk to her.

I want to believe that he is doing the right thing and that she will eventually get the hint. But I also think he isn't being 100% honest to his friend and possibly leading her on. Do you think its safe for me to continue to get to know him on a romantic level even though his friend is trying to pursue him?

[hello1]

Only way I stay with a guy like that if he cut all contact from her. Its a choice.

[allsmiles]

I'm starting to think maybe I should talk to him about that. she could ruin any relatioship he tries to start.

[Ashurii]

I'm fine with guys and girls being friends, it doesn't ALL end up with the obvious romance. But in this case, holy hell, the girl sounds psycho and he needs to make a decision.

[irrelevant_89]

Well he should at the very least tell her about you and face the consequences. What's gonna take for her to get the point?

[allsmiles]

I've been wondering the same thing. What does he have to say for her to get the hint? I think if he at the very least tells her that he is dating other people she'll realize that he doesn't want her. How do you suggest I bring that up??

[irrelevant_89]

I don't know (inexperienced fool here, really) but I guess I'd just go straight up with it, something like "Look, I'm not comfortable with you hiding our relationship from people, especially a person that is obviously (very) attracted to you... I mean, I think we've got something going here, but it's important that we can be honest and transparent about it."

Again, I know nothing.

[allsmiles]

@irrelevant Actually I think that's a great way to approach it. Hopefully, he will see that I care where our relationship is going rather than me nagging.

[allsmiles]

I mentioned to him to tell her at least that he is dating....he said maybe he should but I know it scares him to do that.

[Gigabitch]

First of all, you're only getting his side of the story. I'd be willing to bet he's slept with her before and that's why she's feeling so entitled.

[IncognitoSir]

First of all, you're only getting his side of the story. I'd be willing to bet he's slept with her before and that's why she's feeling so entitled.

Plus she was there for him in the divorce...think about it. He's told her alll those very intimate details about how he feels etc and before you guys were dating might I add. He feels close to her because she was there when he REALLY needed someone so he's kinda up in the air about the whole thing. She does sound fing crazy though.

[allsmiles]

I agree with you too 100%. I've been thinking the exact same thing. I flat out asked him from the beginning if he has done anything with her because if he has then that is why she is acting that way. I mean after reading a few other threads on here.... he sounds like the guy who doesn't want to hurt her feelings because they have been friends.... so the more he makes contact with her even though he is saying "no" will never get across the correct message without him cutting ties completely. I don't think he is willing to give up this friendship for me because we just met. Great this is the 2nd time this has happened to me. Why can't men and women truely just be friends? I've found that in almost all cases that one or the other is interested in being more than just friends.

[Kaius]

I agree with you too 100%. I've been thinking the exact same thing. I flat out asked him from the beginning if he has done anything with her because if he has then that is why she is acting that way. I mean after reading a few other threads on here.... he sounds like the guy who doesn't want to hurt her feelings because they have been friends.... so the more he makes contact with her even though he is saying "no" will never get across the correct message without him cutting ties completely. I don't think he is willing to give up this friendship for me because we just met. Great this is the 2nd time this has happened to me. Why can't men and women truely just be friends? I've found that in almost all cases that one or the other is interested in being more than just friends.

They can't be friends after they had SEX! He's not giving her up because she could be a potential later in case you don't work out. This guy is not ready for a relationship with you.

[allsmiles]

yeah I agree. I just can't hang around in a situation like this. I hate the feeling of not knowing. I asked him if he wanted to be exclusive and he said "I guess" and that I put him on the spot.... that he isn't seeing anyone else. I just disagree that he is having an emotional affair with this girl which leaves nothing left over for me. So instead of prolonging the agony I just broke it off with him. I have a date setup for Friday anyway hahaha am i wrong for that??

[Gigabitch]

"I guess"?

Oh, hell no. You did the right thing ending this. He's a bad bet.