Should I tell my ex I have met somebody else?

[mafj99]

Hello,

Well it has been a few months since I broke up with my ex, wasn't too bad as far as break ups go at the time though I suspect that I am about to receive the fallout soon.

Anyway, been going out with mates and just enjoying myself to move on and get over my ex. I have been doing ok, I had stopped thinking about her all the time and was in a good place.

The other week I met somebody while out, just sat chatting with them and we hit it off. We exchanged numbers and have met up for a couple of dates. She is really nice, good fun to go out with and I have really enjoyed spending time with her. I wasn't actively trying to find somebody, it just kind of happened.

Now out of the blue I have heard from my ex, telling that she still loves me and misses me, she knows that I don't want to go back to her and I have made that clear but she wanted me to know. She is really low at the moment by the sounds of it and she has said she is trying to get over me but is finding it difficult.

What should I do? I don't want to tell her at the moment that I have met somebody else, for a start it is not serious at the moment and I don't know where it will end up leading but mainly I don't want to hurt her. I feel at the moment telling her would be a bad idea as she is very upset and seems quite low at the moment and I don't want to add to that. However on the other hand if I don't tell her she is no doubt going to be angry with me if she finds out.

She has already made me feel responsible for her feeling bad for breaking up with her, even though she arrange to met up with me when we broke up as she wanted to breakup with me. I just agreed with her reasons. For those of you who read the previous thread about the breakup, it feels like she is putting me on the emotional roller-coaster again.

S

[SirWagginston]

Wait, so who did the breaking up?

[Mish]

Don't say anything to her and minimize contact with her as much as possible

[mafj99]

Wait, so who did the breaking up?

Good question, she made plans to meet up with me to break up with me. I kind of knew it was coming as I was feeling the same way so it was a 50/50 kind of break up really.

[mafj99]

Don't say anything to her and minimize contact with her as much as possible

Seems like the best option, it was what I was trying to do.

[damn2010]

You can still do it by not answering her calls and texts, and if you have to reply, reply hours later or with one word answers. Just try to drop her out of your life and work on this new girl because it sounds like it is going well!

She is your EX for a reason!!!!

[xxazurexx]

No I wouldn't say anything. I just wouldn't initiate contact with her and if she calls you, then don't stay on the phone long. The fact you are enquiring about this, kinda tells me that you still care for your ex and you aren't just the type to ignore. So if she starts calling regular and stuff, then you are going to have to be straight with her, tell her that you do not want the relationship back because it wouldn't work and you'd like to be 'friends'....no more, no less. She is either going to be happy with that, or not and she may decide she can't do 'friends' and back off totally.

[mafj99]

The fact you are enquiring about this, kinda tells me that you still care for your ex and you aren't just the type to ignore.

I do still care about my ex which is the problem. I have no intention of going back as we tried that twice before and it never worked as things were exactly the same, she says she understands that I do not want to get back with her but she wants to stay friends with me. I don't initiate contact with her, haven't done for ages and I have told her that she can't just call me for a chat like she used to.

S

[cmacattack1]

She's playing every card in her deck and you know it's out of desperation. She's looking for her own needs here, and she's coming to you when she needs something.

It may be brutal, but there is no really nice way to go about this. Being nice to her in a way raises false hope, even if you don't insinuate you want to be back with her. The fact that you are nice enough to talk and listen to her shows her through your actions that you care and she keeps trying to strum at your heartstrings. We all do it and we all know it's not the right way to go about it.

If her texts are like that (I love you and miss you and just want you to know), I wouldn't respond. If she calls, let it go to voice mail. If she's got something important enough, she'll leave a message. Take it from there. You are doing this for the good of both of you, as you need to live your life and give your new girl your full attention and your ex needs to break her dependence off of you. Even if she doesn't realize this, you have the best intentions here.

[mafj99]

Yet again you have pretty much got in bang on there. As per usually got he obligatory "Sorry for the other week text" from her, I am going to start distancing myself more from her.

I am giving my new girl my full attention as she is very nice and has brought out a completely different side of me which I haven't seen for years now as it was kind of lost with my previous ex from several years ago. It is good to recapture that part of myself as I kind of missed it.

S

[xxazurexx]

I do still care about my ex which is the problem. I have no intention of going back as we tried that twice before and it never worked as things were exactly the same, she says she understands that I do not want to get back with her but she wants to stay friends with me. I don't initiate contact with her, haven't done for ages and I have told her that she can't just call me for a chat like she used to.

S

They tend to want to be friends and when they still have feelings.

If you truly care about her, let her go and because it's in her best interest that you do.

And I know what I'm talking about, having been in your exes shoes and recently.