I finally did it, I broke up with the guy I liked, any opinions on his reactions?

[xxazurexx]

I think what I've done in this situation is, is to let him know how I was truly feeling. I know it's hard to come clean sometimes about what you are feeling (I was there recently), but it's honestly the best thing you can do.

I'd have told this guy that I'd have liked a relationship with him, but that I knew he wasn't seeing me in that way and because I was aware he'd tried to get back with his ex and he was dating other girls. I'd have also told him, that despite how much I cared for him, how much I valued his 'friendship', I could not go any further in this 'friendship' or whatever it is and because it was all preventing me from moving on and I felt I needed to be moving on. You are then leaving no doubt in this guys mind, as to why you are opting to exit.

I think it takes a brave person to do what you did actually and because you did it and knowing that this guy may not return and you aren't afraid of the consequence of losing him for good. A lot of females would be scared to loose the guy, which is why a lot of females continue on and in situations they aren't happy in, just hoping the guy will change - but he rarely does change.

Thing is, you went about it the wrong way - you should have told him the truth of how you were feeling/why you were ending it.

[xxazurexx]

I think you will be greatly disappointed in the results of this point of view. Even if you meant a lot to him, he would still move on after a break up, because that's what break up is, an official termination of a relationship, for most people there is no going back. But given that you've only been together for 2 months and he already had some doubts the motivation to move on for him will be even greater. I think if you still have feelings for him, breaking up with him was a mistake on your part. There are other ways to communicate your feelings or issue in a relationship and resolving these issues while still being in the relationship.

Though, what's done is done now. I think your best option at this stage is accept that the two of you may not have been the best match and move on yourself.

Yeah, agree with the 2 month thing. Because it's only been 2 month....there is nothing stopping him from moving on and way. It's not like they have this long history together and there will be anything to 'miss'....

[sheenietee]

I know you're absolutely right, that's why I told him last night what was really going through my head. I didn't really get a feel for what he was thinking though because some new interesting developments occured lol. I was chatting with him last night on msn and decided to tell him the other reason why I chose not to date him was the relationship issue and that I felt guilty for leaving it out since he was so confused. Well....he was hardly responding and it turns out that the girl he mentioned above was sitting right next to him on the couch! Haha so that's why he was feeling awkward and not really responding...what I didn't get was why he was talking to ne in the first place....he shoulda said he was busy and that he would talk later and idk if the girl was like looking at it/let her know he was talking to me, cause otherwise I don't understand what she'd be doing while they were sitting there...but anyways...he told me he had to drive her home but hed call me tomorrow or if I stayed on for a half hour hed be back....well 3 hours later he came back lol but I didn't talk to him. I'm not too worroed about the girl...it's obvious they were doing something sexual since this was from 1-4am his time lol and were watching movies. This made me happy with me breaking things off...this is a pattern with him moving on reallllly fast...like with me when things didn't turn out with his ex he started treating me more and more like a gf immediately.....any thoughts on him or the girl or in general? He'll call me eventually and I'm going to stay strong and tell him I am still happy about my decision and maybe inquire as to what he thinks of the girl and me....but I'm not going back.

I don't know if this is just a temporary feeling, but I don't feel attached to him to the point where I can't be friends with him. Like, if he wanted a relationship with me then great, but if not, I care about him in a way where I want to be in his life as a good friend. I am no longer trying anything to get him to like me.. I'm just moving on and staying a good friend to him, confident and happy with my decision. I know he's not ready to officially date anyone right now because all his past relationships were long term and all the girls cheated on him, my impression is that he just wants to feel in control for once and halve non pressure fun which cool, totally respectable.. just not in my place to date him. I feel comfortable enough where I don't even really feel jealous about the girl (but maybe that's cause I think they were sexual (i think) too fast and she's just someone to keep him company).. but I'm fine with it, even happy he has someone there for him while I was LD.

Basically, I care a lot for him but I'm okay not dating him.. and no longer feel the need to try anything, and am very happy with my honesty and decisions made and if things work out for us in the future then great but I'm not trying to make things work, just living life and seeing what happens. The only thing I worry the most about right now is that he'll be a senior in college and me a sophomore, and I really don't wanna lose touch/friendship with him but that's a long ways away.

[sheenietee]

Yeah, agree with the 2 month thing. Because it's only been 2 month....there is nothing stopping him from moving on and way. It's not like they have this long history together and there will be anything to 'miss'....

Well, I know.. but at the same time I was really there for him in those two months when he was really heartbroken about his ex. He told me stuff that he said he has never told anyone else besides his best friend since first grade, lol. I also don't think he could care less about me.. I mean, I told him about issues with my mom and he told me he would always be there for me to talk to in bad times.. he is very honest.. even about things you wouldn't really want to tell someone lol, so I trust that is genuine. Also, he must have cared somewhat to still want to talk to me even though the girl was right next to him.. i mean, at first we were just talking about stupid stuff like movies.. but he didn't have the want to say he had company and was busy? lol.

and no, I don't think this means he loves me or wants to be with me or that we have so much hope for a future.. haha.. I just think it means we both care about one another and want each other in our lives as good friends and maybe/if ever the timing is right, maybe we could have something.. but that's not important right now.

[IndiReloaded]

I think you will be greatly disappointed in the results of this point of view. Even if you meant a lot to him, he would still move on after a break up, because that's what break up is, an official termination of a relationship, for most people there is no going back. But given that you've only been together for 2 months and he already had some doubts the motivation to move on for him will be even greater. I think if you still have feelings for him, breaking up with him was a mistake on your part. There are other ways to communicate your feelings or issue in a relationship and resolving these issues while still being in the relationship.

Though, what's done is done now. I think your best option at this stage is accept that the two of you may not have been the best match and move on yourself.

You break up to.... break up. If you want to work it out, you don't threaten a breakup. You work things out. At least that's what emotionally mature adults do.

[sheenietee]

I strongly disagree that I should not have broken up with him. Even though he was holding off on doing anything with the other girl because of me, he still was hanging out with another girl and contacting me less than usual.. sorry, but I think that's just a clear setup for my hurt lol.

[AlastairBarnes]

A guy wouldnt mention any girl that fancied him, and if he said he liked her too, what was stopping him dating her if he cant do long distance. Casual dating is no commitment. Something doesnt make sense, he's probably exaggerating about the girl, and she's probably not a big deal, but he just wants to make you panic and get worried, because uv prob got him worried. You are playing mind games and the best thing you could do is let it sink in for a few days.

[xxazurexx]

I agree that you should have broke up with him and if you wanted more than he wasn't giving. It is totally pointless and painful and to remain in a situation that you are miserable in. I broke a friendship up with an ex and because I was no longer getting what I wanted from him, but he knows why I did it and because I told him.

But at least now you have put things right and he knows. But if you are still gonna hang around as a friend....then what was the point in breaking up??

I thought the point of 'breaking up' was to move on, not to remain in contact.

You say you still want to be his friend....so what exactly have you 'broken up' because friends is all you two seemed to be anyway??

[sheenietee]

We had a sexual relationship as well and always flirted, it wasn't just a friendship.. but I think what makes it nice is that we have become good friends in the process. He was honest with me from day one which is why I never let myself get too attached to him and why I think I'm handling this relatively well right now. I don't want to lose him as a friend, so i don't want to not contact him.. just drastically limit it. Right now he's supposed to call me but I'm not fretting about it and am fine with whenever he decides to call lol.

[xxazurexx]

Okies. Well if you can handle friends with him, then all well and good. I couldn't handle friends and despite how great our friendship was and I had to leave for good.

[IndiReloaded]

I strongly disagree that I should not have broken up with him. Even though he was holding off on doing anything with the other girl because of me, he still was hanging out with another girl and contacting me less than usual.. sorry, but I think that's just a clear setup for my hurt lol.

I didn't say it was wrong to break up with him. What I don't understand is why you are still thinking of him. Isn't it over?

You are creating unnecessary drama for yourself and possibly him as well. I think the best method to break up is to be honest and firm about things not working for you. Then leave and mean it.

What you are doing is extremely insulting and manipulative to threaten the relationship to try to get what you want. You are hoping that if you stay friends he's going to have some kind of epiphany. LOL. Aren't you smart enough to think of something better than this? I hope he finds a new GF asap.

[Mish]

I strongly disagree that I should not have broken up with him. Even though he was holding off on doing anything with the other girl because of me, he still was hanging out with another girl and contacting me less than usual.. sorry, but I think that's just a clear setup for my hurt lol.

Well, to give you a credit after reading your post on his promiscuous behavior, I agree that breaking up with him was the right thing to do. I think what is in question is not the break up itself (which was the right thing to do in this instance), but your motivation for break up (i.e. breaking up in an attempt to make him work harder for you). I don't know if you will agree with this, but generally speaking breaking up with someone to "make" them do something is not a very practical idea. If you are sure that he is not good for you and treats you with disrespect (which he is) then break up and don't look back. If you still want him and want him to try harder then stay in the relationship and raise your issues, set boundaries and give an ultimatum to break up if you really really have to, to show that you are one foot out the door, but don't break up until you are completely sure yourself that it's over and there's no going back.

[sheenietee]

I didn't say it was wrong to break up with him. What I don't understand is why you are still thinking of him. Isn't it over?

You are creating unnecessary drama for yourself and possibly him as well. I think the best method to break up is to be honest and firm about things not working for you. Then leave and mean it.

What you are doing is extremely insulting and manipulative to threaten the relationship to try to get what you want. You are hoping that if you stay friends he's going to have some kind of epiphany. LOL. Aren't you smart enough to think of something better than this? I hope he finds a new GF asap.

lol, wow. No, I want to stay friends because I want to stay friends. I care deeply for him as a person and love being there for him and seeing him happy and if I can handle that with relatively little pain (of course I can't control all of it), then why can't I be friends with him? I have already been fine throughout the whole ordeal with his ex so it's not as if I haven't been in a stressful situation with him before. I said above that I'm done trying to manipulate things, just want to be his friend and maybe one day things could work out, what happens, happens, not "oh, omgz, I think he'll see we're meant to be and I'm going to try to desperately try to manipulate him to see it!!"


Thank you azure for really trying to understand me, the guy, and the situation for what it is and not just generalizing things. You really helped me in this by giving me honesty in a constructive, not demeaning, critical way.

[IndiReloaded]

Okay, well if you are sure then I apologize. But I suspect you aren't being honest about your feelings. If I'm wrong, tho, then shrug and good luck.

[sheenietee]

Well, to give you a credit after reading your post on his promiscuous behavior, I agree that breaking up with him was the right thing to do. I think what is in question is not the break up itself (which was the right thing to do in this instance), but your motivation for break up (i.e. breaking up in an attempt to make him work harder for you). I don't know if you will agree with this, but generally speaking breaking up with someone to "make" them do something is not a very practical idea. If you are sure that he is not good for you and treats you with disrespect (which he is) then break up and don't look back. If you still want him and want him to try harder then stay in the relationship and raise your issues, set boundaries and give an ultimatum to break up if you really really have to, to show that you are one foot out the door, but don't break up until you are completely sure yourself that it's over and there's no going back.

You're right, I was emotional when I wrote that so yes, it wasn't right.. which is why I went back and was completely honest with him about why I really couldn't date him. I'm not going to lie, I still would like to be in a relationship with him but am okay without one too. I'm just going to sit back, enjoy my life, talk to him when I wish to, reply to him when he contacts me, and just enjoy his company as a friend and not expect anything to come of it.. if it happens than cool, if not, it wasn't meant to be.