Did I deserve to be called a fcuking b#tch?

[l_girl]

I have been asking myself if I deserve to be called a f’ing b#tch by my fiancée. It all started when I had to pick him up from work two nights ago and somehow I dozed off on the sofa and was 30mins late getting there. He left work and I spent another 30mins driving around looking for him. I was really panicking as it was late, dark and lightening outside with a bit of showers. When I finally found him walking on the side of the road the first thing he says to me is “you fcuking b#tch” then threw his lunch bag into the car. I was very upset by this as I am not sure if I even deserve to be called such a vile word by the man that supposedly loves and respects me. He wasn’t talking to me and ignored me for the past day or so. Tonight, I tried to talk to him but he wasn’t very responsive. I told him that I didn’t like him calling me such hurtful things. He then said I deserved it given the circumstances. After I heard that I nearly burst out crying again as I never thought he’ll say I deserve such harsh words. I guess part of me wish he had apologize and tell me he said it in anger.

We’ve been together for 6.5 years, engaged for 1 and living together for 2 years and it’s very hurtful to hear him say such harsh words towards me. I am starting to realize maybe this is a blessing in a way for me to see another side of him. Since living together he has not done a single load of laundry of my clothes, never help out with the household chores, etc. It’s gotten so bad that I still do the chores when I am sick. Nobody is there to cook me a meal or do the dishes if you’ve got a horrible cold. When I tell him I want him to help out he says he works hard while I don’t work. I’ve been unemployed for the past 4 months and when I was working his excuse was “I bring home more money than you and I actually work at work vs you”. When he says these things it’s very demeaning of me and my self worth. ‘sigh’ this is just the tip of the iceberg as to some of the hurtful words he’s said to me. I used to just brush it off say “meh it’s ok” but somehow this latest bit is hard to brush under the rug. I just never thought I’ll be called a “fcuking b#tch” by the man I love for such a trivial mistake on my part.


Thanks for reading. I’ve been very lonely with almost nowhere to turn to.

[the_robot]

He sounds like an ass :-S

[Alvy]

He sounds like a pig too. No chance of just dumping his sorry ass? I wouldn't even try to salvage this relationship to be honest. Was he like this when you two first met?

[l_girl]

I don't really remember if he was this bad when we first met to be honest as he's my first boyfriend and I don't have much to compare to. At times I've wondered if other guys will cook me a meal if I come home from work exhausted, tell me I look good when I make effort to (he isn't one to compliment me but criticize instead), take out the garbage if it's full, tell me I'm not worthless when my employer says I am etc. vs make me cry. I'm not asking them to do it daily too just every so often. At times I ask myself how I landed myself a guy that is what I hate about the male ego. My dad is the man man where he refuses to do "womanly work" so my mom did everything from washing dishes to raising myself and my siblings. I was very upset last month that he finally confirmed (I found out via facebook) a fact about his family (it's not as perfect as others think it is). To me it's no big deal but just very hurtful that after being together for 6.5 years he can't trust me with it. My sisters think I should kick him to the curb and start fresh as he's emotionally abusing me. I'm not sure I would use such harsh words as emotional abuse with the way he is towards me. I think the problem is I probably love him more than he loves me hence I've made a lot of sacrifices for him (moved to a new city for him) vs him giving a crap of how I feel.

[Alvy]

How can you possibly love him when he treats you like crap? There are pigs out there, but there are also plenty of good guys who'll treat you properly. You should follow your sisters advice and just cut him off completely.

[lilly1185]

Get out.
Now.
Accidents happen, and he's a man. He obviously isn't made of sugar and a walk in the rain won't kill him.

If this is your first relationship, also get out now. Don't damage your future dating career by hanging around with this loser and getting divorced with three kids because he beats you and/or them.
If he's willing to abuse you for a simple mistake, it will only get worse.

*Edit* It is abuse. You have Stockholm syndrome. Especially get therapy for your damaged self esteem, he's had years to wear you down.

[SirWagginston]

... don't you two have cell phones? Why didn't he just call you when you started running late instead of trying to walk home?

[the_robot]

At times I've wondered if other guys will cook me a meal if I come home from work exhausted, tell me I look good when I make effort to (he isn't one to compliment me but criticize instead), take out the garbage if it's full, tell me I'm not worthless when my employer says I am etc. vs make me cry. I'm not asking them to do it daily too just every so often. At times I ask myself how I landed myself a guy that is what I hate about the male ego.

Yes, there's guys who would do that. He is crap, get out and find a better guy.

[l_girl]

... don't you two have cell phones? Why didn't he just call you when you started running late instead of trying to walk home?

Partly my fault as I took his cell phone that night to call home as he has unlimited long distance calling. Another reason for him to get super angry at me like I did it all on purpose. I only called home to talk to my sister as I suddenly got the mini wake up call after spending the evening with friends in another city the day before. They have a new baby and I am so jealous of my friend how her husband is soooo accomodating like changing the baby's diaper without being asked etc. I suddenly got the feeling I needed a confirmation if my fiancee wanted children and if he will truly be there for me as he don't do much to take care of our dog. I was very envious of her as I wanted what she had and it seemed so simple to have yet so hard for me to get.

Thank you all for replying. I'm leaning towards booking a flight and go home to sort out my feelings. I'll take my dog and we'll go home so I can mend my heart and think clearly as to what I want to do with this relationship.

[xxazurexx]

So, let me get this straight. He goes to work all day and you are sitting at home. You expect him to do the houehold chores, despite the fact he's been to work all day?? I would feel that in this instance and if you aren't working and have time on your hands, that you should be the one doing the chores and while your guy is at work....you should have his meal on the table and when he comes in from work.

As for his violent outburst, well that was uncalled for and I wouldn't be happy at being called a 'f**king bitch' either and for accidently being late. He also doesn't seem to be respecting you in other ways, puts you down, belittles you...a match made in Heaven it would seem and a match that certainly won't run the course.

[l_girl]

So, let me get this straight. He goes to work all day and you are sitting at home. You expect him to do the houehold chores, despite the fact he's been to work all day?? I would feel that in this instance and if you aren't working and have time on your hands, that you should be the one doing the chores and while your guy is at work....you should have his meal on the table and when he comes in from work.

As for his violent outburst, well that was uncalled for and I wouldn't be happy at being called a 'f**king bitch' either and for accidently being late. He also doesn't seem to be respecting you in other ways, puts you down, belittles you...a match made in Heaven it would seem and a match that certainly won't run the course.

Yup, he's at work and I'm at home hence I must have to serve the almighty master by making sure his food is cooked, clothes cleaned, house cleaned etc. The problem is I've been doing them reguardless if I worked full time or not. Being unemployed is bad enough but to be told that I must do these things to say "earn my keep" is pretty hard to swallow. Personally if I had a choice I would like to work and out earn him so I can see what other excuses he can come up with but I guess that won't happen till another few years.

[xxazurexx]

Yup, he's at work and I'm at home hence I must have to serve the almighty master by making sure his food is cooked, clothes cleaned, house cleaned etc. The problem is I've been doing them reguardless if I worked full time or not. Being unemployed is bad enough but to be told that I must do these things to say "earn my keep" is pretty hard to swallow. Personally if I had a choice I would like to work and out earn him so I can see what other excuses he can come up with but I guess that won't happen till another few years.

I couldn't be with a man who made me feel like I owed him something, or made to feel his servant. It sounds as though he doesn't appreciate you.

I know that when I wasn't working and my husband was, I did all the chores, I didn't expect him to do anything else and when he worked. His laundry was done, a meal on the table, etc, etc but it was appreciated by him, which is why I liked to do it.

I feel that if both couples work, then chores should be share 'equally', you take turns and to cook meals, do the laundry, etc and if he wasn't doing that, then he just must be an all over lazy bas**rd who likes to be waited on.

Doubt you will be still together in a few years, so I wouldn't worry about what he'd do.

[l_girl]

I couldn't be with a man who made me feel like I owed him something, or made to feel his servant. I know that when I wasn't working and my husband was, I did all the chores, I didn't expect him to do anything else and when he worked. His laundry was done, a meal on the table, etc, etc but it was appreciated by him, which is why I liked to do it.

I feel that if both couples work, then chores should be share 'equally', you take turns and to cook meals, do the laundry, etc and if he wasn't doing that, then he just must be an all over lazy bas**rd who likes to be waited on.

Doubt you will be still together in a few years, so I wouldn't worry about what he'd do.

Yes, he is lazy. He's used to be waited on by his mom and I guess I continued doing it and spoiling him. Thinking about it a lot the past couple of days has made me realized he's a lot like his dad. That man is the laziest person I've ever met. Practically does NOTHING but sit there all day while his wife works her ass off. Worse is he puts down his mom with me there too! My fiancee is almost 30 and he's probably cleaned the bathroom/toilet less than a handful of times!!!! 'sigh' not sure why I put up with so much at times.

[xxazurexx]

^He expects it and because it's what he has always seen and is used too. If all he ever witnessed was his mum running around after his dad and from being small and he himself is used to being spoiled, then he will continue to want that. I've known guys like him before. They want a 'slave' not a 'partner'...

Because you don't bow to his every whim, (and rightly so), is why you two will constantly clash. You are different people, who want and expect different things from a partner.

I would suggest having a serious talk with him and letting him know how you feel. That you are not his mum, that if he doesn't buck up his ideas then you will leave him and for good....and mean it!!
But I imagine you have already tried this and failed. Guys like him, don't tend to change.

[vashti]

I have to admit that I would be pretty pissed off at being picked up 1/2 hour late from work. Some people are bone-tired after working all day. Do you have a history of such irresponsible behavior? If so, I can understand why he lost it with you. And after such a long relationship, if this was the only instance in which he called you a f*cking bitch, I don't think it's a deal breaker. The other stuff might be, though.