bf hd slept wid 1st cousin,n now alwys with her..help

[elizaa]

My boyfriend and I have been together for more than 3 year. We went to the same high school, and now are in the same college. This is probably our first serious relationship. Anyways, after a few months into our relationship, while discussing our past, he told me he had kissed his cousin (who is 3 years older) several times, and even had sex once after they got drunk from some party (he was around 14 years old.) His parents weren’t home, his so called cousins this hot 24 year old famous salsa dancer. She usually always tours around.’Shes not close with most of their family.But they have been real close friends since childhood.

I found this terribly repulsive at first, and then decided to forgive him, mostly because he was honest and he felt guilty l. I told him that’s fine, but I can’t somehow ever forgive her, so I told him to stay away from his cousin as much as he could. I know the next two and a half years he did exactly that even though that girl used to message and call him all the time.

But then later his sisters wedding came up, and all the cousins got together for around 2 months for this huge wedding, and I guess he felt sorry for her or something (she had this terrible childhood), and they went back to being real good friends. Though I was frustrated.I ignored it then because she her work takes her around the globe and lives in either Dubai or Brazil and is never home.

We have a holiday now, hes been really busy with his family stuff, and we have just gone out a 2 times over the last 2 months, but we talk on the phone for 1- 2 hours (nothing compared to the usual 5 to 6 hours). Yesterday he told me hes going to pick up his cousin from the airport, and that shes going to be living with his family for the next month. I got really angry, asked if there was no way he could ask her to stay with some other relatives, but he got really mad and told me that its not possible because after all they are family and his parents wouldn’t agree. And he cant completely ignore her just because I seem to have some childish needs. He told me he loves me and should never feel threatened or anything. Its just his past and hes already forgotten it, and he told me to get over it too. I requested him to at least stop hanging out with her and mingling with her, we got into a fight (no shit again…), and I called her a slut.n stripper and stuff. He told me I was being filthy and hung up on me. Later he messaged me twice, he just called me for a minute today to find out about some assignment for college.

This is my first time hes completely ignoring me for a full day . We always patch up real fast and I think he doesn’t love me any more. This whole issue along with my complaings of him not giving me enough time to meet up etc… I think he is bugged, I don’t know what to do. I love him, I know he does too, but I am confused now… its Just he is always with his family now(Not just his close family, but his extended family too). He had always been a family guy, but not this much…

I feel stupid, and don’t know what to do. I want him to love me like before, I hate his stupid insensitive cousin, she knows all this and is still not moving away from our life.

What should I do?

[anonymous12345]

1. Geesh that was tough to read...literally. lol
2. Sounds like your being alil selfish on your end. Your insecurity is driving him away. But tho it can't be blame cause he is reconnecting with an old lover (even if it is with a cousin eww). Anyway i think you may have played alil wrong in this situation, to me it's fine if my gf is jealous and express her jealous to me for me to be aware. But you shouldn't be hateful and curse his cousin out. She is his family and there's alot of stuff between them other then the fact that they slept together once. You should right now givie him his time and space. Just text him that you love him and just wait for him to come home to you. It's right to be jealous and fearful of the other woman but this is his cousin, if he cheats on you with his cousin again and you guys break it he has alot more to lose. His family will find out and that's a real mess. As a guy, i don't think it's worth it at all to cheat and to even cheat in his conditions is not smart. So just relax, text him once and give him the space, he will come back to you. But if you seem nagging and possessive your just weakening your position and driving him off more.

[vashti]

I wish I had the patience to read that. It sounds like good Jerry Springer drama.

[TheTooya]

bf hd slept wid 1st cousin,n now alwys wid hr..help
My boyfriend has slept with his first cousin, and is now always with her, help!


My boyfriend and I have been together for more than 3 year. We went to the same high school, and now are in the same college. This is probably our first serious relationship. Anyways, after a few months into our relationship, while discussing our past, he told me he had kissed his cousin (who is 3 years older) several times, and even had sex ???? after they got drunk from some party (he was around 14 years old.) His parents weren’t home, his so called cousins this hot 24 year old famous salsa dancer. She usually always tours around.’

I found this terribly repulsive at first, and then decided to forgive him, mostly because he was honest and he felt guilty but also because no big thing, cousins lol. I told him that’s fine, but I can’t somehow ever forgive her, so I told him to stay away from his cousin as much as he could. I know the next two and a half years he did exactly that even though that girl use to message and call him all the time.

But then later his sisters wedding came up, and all the cousins got together for around 2 months for this huge wedding, and I guess he felt sorry for her or something (she had this terrible childhood), and they went back to being real good friends. Though I was frustrated, I ignored ??? this thing because she lives in Dubai and Brazil and stuff and is never home. (Lives in dubai and brazil and stuff???)

We have a holiday now, hes been really busy with his family stuff, and we have just gone out a few times over the last 2 months, but we talk on the phone for 2 hours (nothing compared to the usual 5 to 6 hours). Yesterday my friend told me hes going to pick up his cousin from the airport, and that shes going to be living with his family for the next month. I got really angry, asked if there was no way he could ask her to stay with some other relatives, but he got really mad (no ****ing shit) and told me that its not possible because after all they are family and his parents wouldn’t agree. And he cant completely ignore her just because I seem to have some childish needs. He told me he loves me and should never feel threantened or anything. Its just his past and hes already forgotten it, and he told me to get over it too. I requested him to at least stop hanging out with her and mingling with her, we got into a fight (no shit again…), and I called her a stripper and stuff. He told me I was being filthy and hung up on me. Later he messaged me twice, he just called me for a minute today to find out about some assignment for college.

This is my first time hes completely ignoring me for a full day (GASP!) We always patch up real fast and I think he doesn’t love me any more. This whole issue along with my complaings of him not giving me enough time to meet up etc… I think hs bugged, I don’t know what to do. I love him, I know he does too, but I am conused now… its Just he is always with his family now(Not just his close family, but his extended family too). He had always been a family guy, but not this much…

I feel stupid, and don’t know what to do. I want him to love me like before, I hate his stupid insensitive cousin, she knows all this and is still not moving away from our life.

What should I do?

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You should let him have his space. Its his god damn family for christ sakes, don't try to compete with the family, ESPECIALLY since he is a family man.

This cousin thing... its gross, but if he didnt cheat on you, its HIS past. Let it be left to the PAST.

[iHEARTu]

Honestly. You're being really selfish. You seem to be jealous and in that "grade-1 mode" where you're like pulling on him and saying "MINE!" You expect him to give up his family for you? Sorry but if i was him i would be absolutely shocked that you would expect him not to see a close cousin EVER.

It's his COUSIN. And he was 14 when they did it. You know guys and their hormones? He probably didn't know what he was doing. Well he did, but not in the higher sense if you know what i mean?

And exactly what TheTooya says: its the PAST. Forgive, forget and move on with your life.

[elizaa]

the thing is,i trust him more than myself.But that girl is almost crazy,she keeps acting like this damsel in distress and coming back to him n crying all the time.Thats how they ended up making out (seems she came up to his room and started crying and said she was scared etc,and while he was trying to console her she started smooching him.I dont think i can even blame him for that).I think all her family issues etc has turned her into a sex addict or something


I texted him "hey good mornin" just now,he replied "mornin, I'm driving, going out with friends. bye"

I remember while i was kind of complaining few weeks back he told me " babe don't worry,pls don't confuse me here.Im busy right now.Its not tht i dont wanna talk to you but theres so many things i gotta do,(his dads a big time business man so he's kinda helping out now i guess) .Just give me time,give a little space so i can sort out my life and get back to you.Once college starts im sure all this is gonna end""
I guess i'll give him his space.What exactly does that mean? should i not call or message or anything? its so hard since we both have been always in touch,i mean always until the past 2-3 weeks.

[elizaa]

1. Geesh that was tough to read...literally. lol
2. Sounds like your being alil selfish on your end. Your insecurity is driving him away. But tho it can't be blame cause he is reconnecting with an old lover (even if it is with a cousin eww). Anyway i think you may have played alil wrong in this situation, to me it's fine if my gf is jealous and express her jealous to me for me to be aware. But you shouldn't be hateful and curse his cousin out. She is his family and there's alot of stuff between them other then the fact that they slept together once. You should right now givie him his time and space. Just text him that you love him and just wait for him to come home to you. It's right to be jealous and fearful of the other woman but this is his cousin, if he cheats on you with his cousin again and you guys break it he has alot more to lose. His family will find out and that's a real mess. As a guy, i don't think it's worth it at all to cheat and to even cheat in his conditions is not smart. So just relax, text him once and give him the space, he will come back to you. But if you seem nagging and possessive your just weakening your position and driving him off more.

i edited my post.ANYWAYS I THINK YOU ARE RIGHT .I guess i have done exactly that,and scared him off or something.He wants space and time (thats what he told).You are suggesting i don't bother him in anyway until he calls back right?Letme try that.Its gonna be real hard.Cant understand why he's fighting with me over that girl.

[elizaa]

Honestly. You're being really selfish. You seem to be jealous and in that "grade-1 mode" where you're like pulling on him and saying "MINE!" You expect him to give up his family for you? Sorry but if i was him i would be absolutely shocked that you would expect him not to see a close cousin EVER.

It's his COUSIN. And he was 14 when they did it. You know guys and their hormones? He probably didn't know what he was doing. Well he did, but not in the higher sense if you know what i mean?

And exactly what TheTooya says: its the PAST. Forgive, forget and move on with your life.

No come on i wouldn't ask him never to see her or anything.I just told him not to go out with her alone(Shes stayin at his place,imagine what i would be feeling?? He told me shes asked him to take her shopping beacuse she doesnt really know anyone here).Thats the kind of stuff i asked him to avoid.I know her,she would play with his emotions and make him think im being impossible or something.I DONT MIND THEM BEING TOGETHER AS LONG AS THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE WITH THEM.

Her facebook profile picture is 1 with him.And theres this whole album dedicated to him.ISNT THAT WIERD?? I asked him about that and he was a little shocked(he's not in facebook and didnt know that).THOSE PICTURES WERE FROM HIS SISTERS WEDDING, and she had photoshoped(cropped) jus the two of them out !!