Did I deserve to be called a fcuking b#tch?

[TheTooya]

Guys like him, don't tend to change.

Ever.

My mom is in this type of relationship with my stepfather. Get out before you feel truly trapped. I promise you, you will feel much happier...

And about the "you bitch" part, no it was dick of him to say that... I know I wouldn't ever say that... but still it does suck having to wait, even only 30 mins, you feel forgotten :/

[l_girl]

I have to admit that I would be pretty pissed off at being picked up 1/2 hour late from work. Some people are bone-tired after working all day. Do you have a history of such irresponsible behavior? If so, I can understand why he lost it with you. And after such a long relationship, if this was the only instance in which he called you a f*cking bitch, I don't think it's a deal breaker. The other stuff might be, though.

I've never been this late ever before. One time I wasn't there to wait for him to get off work he got really mad too. Not this mad where he called me vile things but took off too. That's why I always go early vs see him get mad. 'sigh' I've waited over an hour in the car for him to get off work before and it's ok. I don't make a big fuss and start yelling if he picks me up late (does that a lot too). It just seems very one sided how he can explode and he has the right to explode while I don't.

I know being called a f'ing b!tch shouldn't be a deal breaker but it just seems to make everything worse after all the other crap I also tolerate. I may be a sponge but after enough soaking I will explode too. I know I can't continue if he doesn't change.

[LailaK]

I'm sorry, it would be OVER if my man seriously called me outside of my name. There would be a huge fight, he might bleed a little, and then we would be done for good.

People will only disrespect you if you let them. If you forgive him he will go on thinking that any time you do something he doesn't like he can verbally abuse you and call you a bit*h. Is that the way you want to live your life? Tied to an emotionally and verbally abusive assh*le? Is that the man you want to be the father of your children. I said it earlier today but I'll say it again, life should be fun, rewarding, and good.

If you're in a relationship with someone who doesn't love and take care of you (and vice versa) get the f*ck out.

[francoatgrex]

How can you possibly love him when he treats you like crap? There are pigs out there, but there are also plenty of good guys who'll treat you properly. You should follow your sisters advice and just cut him off completely.

Why? The Son Falls in Love with "Mother", The Daughter with "Father". See what she wrote about her father and his way to deal with his wife/family and you'll understand why.

[francoatgrex]

I don't really remember if he was this bad when we first met to be honest.l.

He probably was but you didn't see the signs because you were blinded by love, infatuation whatever it was that brought you together. It's easy to tell you "just dump him" or something to that effect, but I know that it won't work. Even if it did work this time around, you might unfortunately find yourself in another similar relationship with someone else sooner or later. My advice is that you (and maybe you and him as a couple) go seek the help of professional relationship counselor.

[the_robot]

Why? The Son Falls in Love with "Mother", The Daughter with "Father". See what she wrote about her father and his way to deal with his wife/family and you'll understand why.

Oh come on with that Freudean logic!

[francoatgrex]

Partly my fault as I took his cell phone that night to call home as he has unlimited long distance calling. Another reason for him to get super angry at me like I did it all on purpose. I only called home to talk to my sister as I suddenly got the mini wake up call after spending the evening with friends in another city the day before. They have a new baby and I am so jealous of my friend how her husband is soooo accomodating like changing the baby's diaper without being asked etc. I suddenly got the feeling I needed a confirmation if my fiancee wanted children and if he will truly be there for me as he don't do much to take care of our dog. I was very envious of her as I wanted what she had and it seemed so simple to have yet so hard for me to get.
Thank you all for replying. I'm leaning towards booking a flight and go home to sort out my feelings. I'll take my dog and we'll go home so I can mend my heart and think clearly as to what I want to do with this relationship.

Again, please seek the advice of a professional; we can't give you a good advice because we only have *your* side of the story. That's probably not what you want to hear but it's the best solution.

[IndiReloaded]

Someone is about to be banned if he doesn't smarten up^.

Its a free forum. People understand the advice is simply opinion, no different from what you'd get in a pub among friends.

@ I_girl: Taking some time to reflect on things is never a bad idea. While his language is certainly offensive, if its the only time he has ever done this and there aren't any other dealbreakers ongoing, I would just accept his apology and let it go. Guys are allowed to have bad days too.

[Kaius]

No woman deserves to be called that. This is probably the worst thing you can say to a woman.....
You already know the answers to your questions. You know he has not been treating you well.
You don't deserve to be stepped on like that. Good men really worship their women....... you need to realize this.
Get out while you still can.

[roy_delene]

no you didn't deserve being called that. You seriously need to leave this guy he's no good for you

[cmacattack1]

Guys like that don't ever change, because no matter what they do, if at the end of the day they still have you, they will not feel the need to change. Regardless of who works and who doesn't, I still think things should be split down the middle. No offense azure, I know you are very traditional heh.

He could approach this subject more tactfully and could probably be more honest with you. I think the reason why this blowout occurred was because he has harbored so much resentment towards you. Naturally, you wouldn't know this if he put up with it for so long and didn't tell you what he was thinking or how he was feeling. As the same for you, putting up with his bullshit until you are going to explode.

As for cooking you a meal or cleaning around the house, any guy that loves his woman would at least make an effort. It's sad when guys can't be on their own and do their own chores, and even if they were terrible at them, at least they could try (even if that would be you cleaning up his mess trying to clean heh).

I'm sorry you are unemployed. Maybe this has taken a toll on your self esteem (and his behavior isn't helping). Are you moping around the house? Is your sex life going down because you "aren't ever in the mood"? Are you making an effort to find new work, some kind of work (even if you are overqualified for it)? He could be losing his love and attraction to you, and not feel like he could say this to you, as you wouldn't take that well. Just some theories, it's currently a mess and I think space would be good for both of you. Possibly you moving away for a while would will help him realize what he is losing. He could very well have become too comfortable seeing as how you guys have been together so long and he may think he'll never lose you. That's him being lazy and not growing. Relationships can only move forward and become stronger if you guys are both trying to grow together. No matter how it works out, figuring things out before you get married is always a good thing.

So he needs to be more open and honest with his feelings and more patience with you, and maybe you could use a job and some self esteem building.

[Mish]

I've never been this late ever before. One time I wasn't there to wait for him to get off work he got really mad too. Not this mad where he called me vile things but took off too. That's why I always go early vs see him get mad. 'sigh' I've waited over an hour in the car for him to get off work before and it's ok. I don't make a big fuss and start yelling if he picks me up late (does that a lot too). It just seems very one sided how he can explode and he has the right to explode while I don't.

I know being called a f'ing b!tch shouldn't be a deal breaker but it just seems to make everything worse after all the other crap I also tolerate. I may be a sponge but after enough soaking I will explode too. I know I can't continue if he doesn't change.

I agree with Vash on this one. I think you need to separate these issues if you want to have them resolved. Bunching "all of the other things" into this event is not helpful and only looks like an attempt to prove your innocence at any cost. For a moment not thinking about all of the other extra stuff you added on top and just thinking about this one incident, was he right to call you what he did? Definitely not, it made him look like an ass, irresponsible and uncaring. Was it right for you to come 30 minutes late to pick up a partner who you knew was uncontactable because you had his phone? Definetly not, it made you look like an ass, irresponsible and uncaring. So what score do you have at the end of the first round? I'd say it's a 0:0. Thus, if your question is only about this one particular incident, then the answers are pretty clear. Was he wrong? Yes he was. Were you wrong? Yes you were.

The other issues. One question to ask yourself is, would you tolerate all of that other stuff if this incident didn't occur? I don't know the answer, this is something that you will have to ask yourself. From my point of view though, is he wrong to demand you do all the house chores and treat you in demeaning manner because he works and you don't? Yes he is. Are you wrong on not working and not bringing any money home to cover the expenses an put food on the table? Yes you are.

Please consider your situation in this context and you will most likely have the best approach to tackle the issues troubling you.

[doppelgaenger]

I think you're just resenting him because you're unhappy and probably don't know how to communicate properly with him.

Give him the benefit of the doubt if that's not how he usually is when you pick him up.

[Illusional]

personally i wouldn't stay in any relationship where my chick didn't appreciate me. i don't care how much money she makes or how good the sex is, you can always find happiness else where.


raverboy

[xxazurexx]

Guys like that don't ever change, because no matter what they do, if at the end of the day they still have you, they will not feel the need to change. Regardless of who works and who doesn't, I still think things should be split down the middle. No offense azure, I know you are very traditional heh.

So cma, you wouldn't mind coming in from a hard day working on a building site, sun beating down on you all day, carrying heavy materials and you sweating your bollocks off and expect to be told 'Dear, there are two loads of laundry to do, oh and I like a lasagne for tea tonight'....lol..

OK, well I want you for my husband then!!....haha

Nothing to do with being 'traditional', I feel that it would be only fair and that I do everything and if I'm sat around on my ass all day doing nothing, while he's at work slaving away, lol. I wouldn't mind having to do the washing up, loading the washing machine, ironing and general housework...it would take me all of 2 hours, not even that!!, lol. And his meal would be on the table when he came home every night. If my guy is at work and earning the money, then I appreciate that he is and I'd show my appreciation of him for doing so

The last thing a guy needs to be told to do and when he gets home is, 'Dear, there is a sinkful of washing up to do' or 'You can make the meal tonight' and especially if I don't work and I've been home all day - I am capable of doing all that. A guy wants to relax after a hard day at work, not run around doing other stuff.

If he didn't work and I didn't either/or we both worked....then equal chores.

I know my mum would run around after step dad and even though he didn't work. He hardly ever lifted a finger, except to read the newspaper. That would have drove me mental because I wouldn't play slave to any guy who was just lounging around.