6ys - a break; how to show my commitment

[Takeshi_K]

Hi ladies,

I've been dating the my love for 6 years. We dated most of the way through college and she moved to a new city with me for my job. We've lived together almost the entire time. We've talked of children and marriage, our families love both of us.

I love her from the bottom of my heart and I want to spend my life with her....it just took me a while to realize it, due to lack of relationship experience, some emotional immaturity, and international career uncertainty.

I've had trouble expressing the depth of my love for her for the reasons listed above and I think it has hurt her deeply. She has sacrificed a great deal for me and shown a lot of patience, and I've given little in return. I recently started saving for an engagement ring and to my devastation, she has asked for some time apart.

I feel I can't propose now, but I want to show her that I'm willing to change and have taken concrete actions to do so.

She knows my feelings, but I think she doubts my resolution. I feel I need to demonstrate it, but I don't want to come off as desperate, needy, or panicky. I also absolutely will respect her request for time and space.

Its been a couple weeks apart now, and I was thinking of asking her to dinner, giving an elegant inside-joke / romantic gift, explaining my feelings, demonstrating what steps I've already taken (single-relationship counseling, strengthening my own social support, etc.), and ask her ONLY to think about it and what we could have together. Then, maybe after another couple weeks going on another date/activity that I know for a fact she wants to do but I never provided.

I know there is a very good chance I might fall flat on my face and lose the love of my life, but I have to try. I need to reiterate my feelings, demonstrate renewed maturity, and not suffocate her when she needs space.

Do you think this is a wise approach, given the situation?

Many thanks,

dumb boy

PS-Please only address the question at hand; I really don't want to hear about how she is cheating on me; or that I'm not sure what I want, etc.

[carl1222]

Anything you do now will seem to her like a reaction to the break (which, of course it is).

Nonetheless, if you want to keep her, you have to start somewhere. It's time to have the exact conversation you described: "explaining my feelings, demonstrating what steps I've already taken (single-relationship counseling, strengthening my own social support, etc.), and ask her ONLY to think about it and what we could have together."

Be prepared to answer, in all frankness and candor, why she had to break up with you to get you to admit your true feelings. And I don't just mean just answer to her, but answer to yourself as well.

Carl.

ps ... But you ARE "desperate, needy, [and] panicky" ... So answer this to yourself: why do you want to hide these feelings from her?

[EnjoyingLife]

The best you can do is communicate and tell her how you truly feel and why you haven't committed to her in 6yrs. Say that losing her has made you realise that she is the one you want. But be prepared for her to have given up on your relationship. Good luck.