He's on probation for assult on me almsot 2 years ago. I left and came back on the promise that he was going to seek counselling for himself and attend Anger Management. Part of his peace pond and probation order is that, if I ask him to leave he has to leave the property and contact his Probation Officer, aswell as he cannot return until his PO say's he can.
Since this has all come to be, I have asked him many times to leave( always due to arguements), usually becuase I feel threatened or scared or just plain and simple he wont leave me alone about an arguement when I say I'm no longer discussing it for whatever reason. Now, when I say I no longer want to discuss/argue/fight about something for whatever reason, I will tell him I need to be left alone right now and we need to cool off. If I leave the room he follows me and gets really volatile about it and continues it. Thus turning it into a screaming match. He usually manipulates me out of him having to leave. Even though our agreement with his PO is that he's supposed to leave when I ask and if he doesn't I'm to call the cops because it's a breach on his PB.
On June 5th this year ..... We were driving around in our car and he kept asking me what was wrong. I told him nothing was wrong, which there wasn't. He sai "Well you look pissed off! What'd I do?!" I told him " I might look mad because the sun is in my eyes and I forgot my sunglasses in my truck, I'm not mad at you I'm just squinting right now." Well after a while he had himself convinced that I WAS po'd at him even though I told him many times I wasn't. When we finally got home, he sat in the car and was all mad because I wouldn't tell him what wrong. Even though I had. I went to grab some stuff out of the trunk of the car, and threw the rear window saw the car was sitting in Reverse, and I heard him say something " ..... Run you over" Thats all I hear to his sentence and for me it was enough. I grabed my stuff from the trunk, opened the backdoor up and told our daughter to unbuckle herself and to come in the house with me and told him to go for a drive and cool off. I wanted to avoid any fighting so I simply told him I didn't want our daughter in the car with him because of his anger and told him to go for a drive and chill out. I got in the house and realized I had left my keys in the car along with a couple other things. I ran outside and asked him if I could have my keys back before he drove away. His response was "Why?! So you can go to Prince George and leave me?!?!!!!" I said "No I just want my keys back" ... he drove off cursing and swearing calling me a buncha names and whatnot. I came in the house, pissed off because he was withholding my keys from me and I felt trapped. He came back 2 mins later, I walked outside soon as I saw him pull in the driveway, he got out, with my keys in his hand ( he made a fist so tight his hand turned red and his knuckles were white). When he walked up to me I said "Give me my damn keys" ... I didn't scream or yell I just plainly in my normal tone said it. When he held them out and I went to grab them and he pulled them away and started walking away calling me a bitch and said HE WAS going to call the cops on me. I turned around and walked into the house, as I was walking into the house I realized he was following me, I told him to leave before the situation gets worse I went to close the door and he was trying to push his way in, he eventually pushed hard enough that he got in. Soon as he came in he looked as though he wanted to throttle me and he scared the shit outta me. His face was red and I could see the veins in his neck, his teeth were clenched, his fists were clenched and he was really loud. I grabbed the phone and called 911 to send a cop to our house. Cops showed up within 10 mins seperated us and talked to us. After I had gotten off the phone with 911, before the cops showed up he was ranting about " OMG What'd you do? What'd you do? DO you know what this will do to me?"
Now, from my understanding he broke his peace bond/probation by not leaving. The cops told him although it's not illegal for him to have my keys, if I ask for them he's supposed to give them to me as it's a control mechanism.
We had counselling this past Sunday and started with this incident. He put all the blame on me and didn't take responsibility at all for his own actions. I don't believe that it's my fault. I asked for my keys that is all. I didn't swing at him, I didn't yell at him until he tried pushing his way threw the door after I told him to go away. I was willing at that point to let go of the fact he had my keys and it was stupid.
After this incident happened I started typing a letter on my laptop, about how I feel about everything in our relationship up to this point. One thing in said "If you want to have a happy and healthy relationship with me you need to go to anger management liek you promised almost 2 yrs ago, counselling for yourself and a mens group for healthy relationships." I'm in a womens group for healthy relationships and heard there s mens one aswell. I find it's help me as a person alot.
Am I wrong to ask him to do these things for the sake of our relationship?
I know I can't make someone change, but he keeps saying he wants to change and be better. Yet when I suggest these things to him, he says he doesn't need anger management, he has no problems therefore he doesn't need counselling, and he doesn't feel that the mens group would do him any good because he already ( in his mind) does the things they'd tell him to do, therefore putting the blame on me, making it seem like I'm the problem. He's even told my family that I'm the problem in the relationship.
Am I wrong for asking this of him? Am I the one to blame?
We've been together comming up on 3 years, these past 2 years have seemed like hell.
Is it worth fix anymore or is it beyond fixing?