Student Loan Debt

[Neuro]

Hi All,

I am new to this, and I have something very heavy on my chest I need to deal with.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years. We love each other very much. In fact, he is about to buy an engagement ring and talk to his parents about it tonight.

To make this short, I have a student loan debt (~80K) that I am paying off that he does not know about. I want to tell him before we get engaged to give him an option to think about if this is something he wants to get into before it is too late...

How would you react to this news?

Being a guy who is about to propose - would you be shocked?

Being a female who is about to be be proposed to - what would you do?

Thanks so very much for your input...

[the_robot]

Being a guy who is not about to propose, I'm surprised people get in such debts without being able to pay them. The USA surprise me sometimes..

[xxazurexx]

If some guy proposed to me and I discovered he had a debt...so what?

He's my guy and I'm sticking by him through thick and thin.

So long as debt isn't something he made a habit of aquiring and I'd ensure he didn't

[xxazurexx]

Being a guy who is not about to propose, I'm surprised people get in such debts without being able to pay them. The USA surprise me sometimes..

Honestly...you could at least have tried to IMAGINE you were proposing, it aint that hard, lol

[Neuro]

Thanks for your thoughts...

Don't get me wrong, I am not unable to pay it off... I never said I wasn't. : ) I am perfectly aware of what I was getting into. I have no silly debt - this was nvesting in my education, which got me where I am now, doing what I wanted to be doing ever since I was a little girl.

Having said that, I am not sure you understand, Robot. I am not looking for him to pay it for me. I am not looking for someone who will help me. That is not why I am asking for advice.

I am just nervous about his reaction. He needs to know, in case he does not want to get into this. And I want him to know and not find out when it is too late. Not because I cannot pay it off, but because he needs to know that this may be part of his finances.

[xxazurexx]

Thanks for your thoughts...

Don't get me wrong, I am not unable to pay it off... I never said I wasn't. : ) I am perfectly aware of what I was getting into. I have no silly debt - this was nvesting in my education, which got me where I am now, doing what I wanted to be doing ever since I was a little girl.

There you go then, it was for a worthwhile purpose and a guy who loved you would surely understand this.

[lahnnabell]

Student Loan Debt that you are paying off is not such a big deal at all. If you were evading credit card companies, that'd be a different story.

[the_robot]

Honestly...you could at least have tried to IMAGINE you were proposing, it aint that hard, lol

lol true... Well, if I were about to propose I wouldn't give a damn about the money because it would be all about the girl... but then again, it's highly unlikely that's ever going to happen.

And to Neuro, don't take my comment as a critic or anything, it's just a thought I had... People gets in debts too easily in the US compared to Europe, it surprises me how easily. Cultural difference

[vashti]

Maybe you should tell him you will marry him once the debt is paid off. You are right - this should not become HIS expense. How long do you anticipate it will take to get rid of it?

[girl68]

How are you guys planning a life together and NOT know eachothers financial situation!?!? I think this is a HUGE red flag that you haven't been able to disclose this information WAYYYYY earlier.

(Oh I totally agree it shouldn't become his debt... but I do think he should be aware of your situation and your debt)

[Neuro]

Again, thanks for your helpful thoughts and input.

Well, it hasn't come up earlier simply because we never talked about spending the rest of our lives together up until recently, so I did not deem it serious enough to get into it as soon. I agree that it could be a red flag if we lived together and I deliberately kept this from him, but that is not the case. I do want to tell him about it since I believe he does have the right to know - if I tried hiding it from him, then it should be a red flag. And also, despite the fact that we only became more serious recently, he does know my income and he is aware that I have student loans, so he is not completely clueless. : )

The loan would take about five to six years to pay off... but it would be silly to wait that long until we can start our life together. Also, if I didn't have the education I do, I would not have the same income I do.. and since after the loan is paid off, both he and I will benefit from the income that wouldn't be possible if I hadn't taken out a loan to educate myself... so in a sense, if we will both benefit from my salary, what's a student loan?? Not sure, just thinking out loud.

Thanks so much you all!!

[girl68]

Then just sit him down and have the money talk. Spill the beans. I don't think it's a huge problem per se... but it's something he's got to know. I don't see why you can't pay it off while planning a wedding and all that. If you make enough money for all that then it's not an issue.

[Gigabitch]

He needs to know this before he's actually in front of you, on bended knee. Have that money talk as soon as possible.

[oneandonly]

Is 80k meant to be 8k by any chance? Everyone seems to have Student Loan nowadays. With such low interest on student loan, I don't see it's going to be a huge issue to pay off for anyone with a decent job and discipline after education. 80K is a lot though. That's over 1k every month for nearly 7 years!

I agree he should be aware of that especially if it's 80K.

My ex earns £1k per week so his small student loan won't bother him (wouldn't bother me either even if we were still together). If he was making £1k per month, that would be a different story though.

[Neuro]

It's 80k - if it was 8k, this would not be an issue.

I am just afraid of the potential negative reaction.

I am not ashamed of it, nor do I regret it, but my decisions are different from his and thus I wouldn't want this to be a burden. I guess that's why I want to tell him and I am just so nervous about it.