Still Feeling Miserable

[ChristianonLI]

Wow, to think it's almost been a year now. Last year in July I got married and 3 months later she left me heartbroken and miserable. I came to this forum a few times since to whine and complain but as the one year anniversary of my wedding looms, I find myself growing increasingly sad and despondent.

She's been gone since October of 2009. The annulment I was forced to sign has been valid since April 1st of this year. I even dated a woman briefly from then until now but two weeks ago I broke it off for reasons I'm not even sure of.

All I know is, after all this time, I am still hopelessly in love with my ex wife. She's long gone, enjoying her life, even celebrating her having gotten rid of me on her Facebook as I saw today. But there's nothing I can do. I cannot move on with my life. I think about her every minute of every day and it permeates everything that I say and do. All I ever wanted out of life was to find a woman, fall in love and get married. So why was I denied that? Why was I allowed to get a sense of what everyone else takes for granted only to have it pulled out from under me so quickly? What did I really do to deserve such a miserable existence?

All I want now is to reopen communication with her. To somehow rekindle the relationship so that things can be set right so that I don't have to spend the rest of my life miserable about this, forever seen by her as a mistake. I don't know what to do. I stopped trying to talk to her months ago because she stopped replying but every day that she gets to be without me, happy to be rid of me, is one day less of my life being lived the way it was meant to be. She was, and still is, the only woman I have ever loved and I knew all along if I were to lose her, I would remain without love forever. And yet, even knowing this, I was unable to hang on to her. She slipped through my fingers and this horrible prophecy of reality has now come full circle. I lost the only woman that was meant for me. So what reason do I have to keep going?

[Fene]

Wow, to think it's almost been a year now. Last year in July I got married and 3 months later she left me heartbroken and miserable. I came to this forum a few times since to whine and complain but as the one year anniversary of my wedding looms, I find myself growing increasingly sad and despondent.

She's been gone since October of 2009. The annulment I was forced to sign has been valid since April 1st of this year. I even dated a woman briefly from then until now but two weeks ago I broke it off for reasons I'm not even sure of.

All I know is, after all this time, I am still hopelessly in love with my ex wife. She's long gone, enjoying her life, even celebrating her having gotten rid of me on her Facebook as I saw today. But there's nothing I can do. I cannot move on with my life. I think about her every minute of every day and it permeates everything that I say and do. All I ever wanted out of life was to find a woman, fall in love and get married. So why was I denied that? Why was I allowed to get a sense of what everyone else takes for granted only to have it pulled out from under me so quickly? What did I really do to deserve such a miserable existence?

All I want now is to reopen communication with her. To somehow rekindle the relationship so that things can be set right so that I don't have to spend the rest of my life miserable about this, forever seen by her as a mistake. I don't know what to do. I stopped trying to talk to her months ago because she stopped replying but every day that she gets to be without me, happy to be rid of me, is one day less of my life being lived the way it was meant to be. She was, and still is, the only woman I have ever loved and I knew all along if I were to lose her, I would remain without love forever. And yet, even knowing this, I was unable to hang on to her. She slipped through my fingers and this horrible prophecy of reality has now come full circle. I lost the only woman that was meant for me. So what reason do I have to keep going?

I know how much this hurts.. I was with my girlfriend for 7 years and we were engaged, supposed to be getting married in the near future but that all went to shit. Even though I still love her and would love for us to be back together I realise that you can't chase them as they've shown that they don't want to be with you anymore so by chasing after them trying to convince them otherwise is just going to push them further away. It's only been 6 weeks since my break up but I like to stay positive and believe that there are greater women out there. You just need to tell yourself that there are TONS of women that are suitable for you, you just haven't met one yet.

[Sonrisa]

behind every great man there's a greater woman. you have to be a great person in order to be with one. otherwise you have to settle for the lesser great.

[Teddy057]

"What did I really do to deserve such a miserable existence?" Bad shit happens to good people. Plain and simple. What do 3 and 4 year old's do to deserve cancer? Nothing at all, that's just how life is. Shit happens.

"All I know is, after all this time, I am still hopelessly in love with my ex wife. She's long gone, enjoying her life, even celebrating her having gotten rid of me on her Facebook as I saw today. But there's nothing I can do. I cannot move on with my life." She's enjoying her life, why aren't you? Also, why would you be checking this woman's facebook if all it does is hurt you? You are right, there isn't a thing you can do about getting her back. The only thing stopping you from moving on with your own life is your own self-pity. Cut that shit out man, all you're doing is feeling sorry for yourself. Trust me, that's the exact phase I went through. Once you realize this isn't the end of the world, it's just another obstacle life throws at you. The way you deal with these "obstacles" really defines who you are as a person. I completely understand how devastating heart break is, but I think it's about time you detach yourself from this woman. If she wasn't happy with you, you need to accept that and MOVE ON. Life won't stop for you, look, you've already wasted a year dwelling on this woman. That's 365 days of misery and being unhappy that you can never get back, why keep going down the same road?

Life could be so much worse for you, be thankful you weren't married for 20 years with kids and she decided to split. Oh yeah, and you're not dying, so quit acting like it.

[cmacattack1]

Glad to see you are still kicking it Christian.

I'm surprised you are still asking yourself these questions. It doesn't matter whether you deserved it or not, it doesn't change the result one bit. Sure you made mistakes, and you can learn from those. Sure you tolerated some of her shit that you shouldn't have, you can learn from that too. All you have is you right now, and you have to push yourself to keep moving forward. We all miss our exes, we all have hit those highs and lows, it's how you deal with them that says alot about your character and how you are. If you can't deal, you are just this sniveling little urchin. I've split with my ex about the same time you have, and you've actually been in more relationships and probably have had more sex than me. So what's there to complain about?

You say you don't know why you split up with her. You do know why, because you aren't a happy individual. You will continue to self destruct each and every relationship you are in here on out because you aren't happy with yourself, you aren't putting to rest what has happened, you haven't achieved any mental stability and come to peace with the facts that are in front of you, and as long as you hold her high on that pedestal, no girl is going to compare to her. She treated you like garbage, and yet you want to worship her?

[Natlee]

You have not lost the only woman that was meant for you. There is someone else out there much better for you than her, because she left so she can't have been right for you. She has lost all contact with you and does not want to be with you anymore, you have to try and accept that you will not get back together. It hurts now but the future once you can put this all behind you, you will be find yourself and be happy. Once you do that then you can start looking again for the right women who wants love and marriage like you do.

[ChristianonLI]

Yes, I'm still alive and kicking. By a thread, though. Most days I really have no desire to go about it. Yes, I know I'm not the only one this has ever happened to but having never experienced this before, it's really very sobering. It forced a full reorganization of my entire understanding of the WORLD. Not to mention it also revealed the meaning behind virtually all the music I listen to which didn't make the coping process any better.

I only dated the one woman since the annulment went through. It went on for about two months but a number of factors went into why I had to break it off. For one, she lives 41 miles away. Secondly, she also makes roughly 7x more a year than I do which I know I shouldn't be intimidated by but it was tough to deal with nonetheless when I was always broke and unable to really be the proper boyfriend I should have been, one who could afford to take her out and at least pay for the very basics of dating. And this was with her understanding my financial situation and being entirely willing to split checks and alternate who paid for the night. But I still felt bad about it.

Truth is she was a bit naggy right from the beginning, but it was all about things I as a man should want to change and have, at this point in my life, already changed. Some of them were things that my ex wife, Jennifer, brought up during the end of our marriage as her reasons for leaving. And then there's this entirely new woman identifying these same flaws after just a few weeks of being around me. Then there's the fact I still miss Jennifer terribly, check her Facebook all the time and pray to God for Him to somehow make this all right (when I'm not even religious and generally hold a very pessimistic attitude towards all forms of religion) and just don't feel that my life was meant to end up like this at all.

Then of course there's the shallow fact I was not attracted to her physically. She was a sweet girl with a good personality and we liked a lot of the same things but, to put it as nicely as possible, she was large. Very large. But I put that aside in the beginning because I know how important it is to look within a person and see who they are on the inside but at the same time everyone has their own preferences for potential life partners. Some care about hair color, eye color, personality, financial status, any number of traits of a person. My primary sticking point happens to be weight and while I feel guilty about this, at the same time I believe there needs to be a certain level of physical attraction present and when a woman's body borders on repugnant let's just say I can't help but not be attracted. It needs to be noted that my ex, Jennifer, was not a thin girl either. She was a little heavy and that's fine with me. But the girl I dated recently was considerably more than "a little heavy".

I'll probably be e-lynched for what I just said but such is life. I apologize for anyone I offended by declaring I'm not really into fat girls even though I will give them a chance (every girl I've dated has been a little heavy or more, I don't attract thin women for whatever reason).

The more I think back on what happened the more I just feel all the blame falls upon me. I was the one who was a terrible husband by not showing her enough attention from Day One of being married and it was I who misinterpreted her reactions to this as signs of cheating. And then it was I who made it all a hundred times worse from that point on by thinking I was calling her out on cheating and myriad other angry things said. I failed her and I failed myself. If I couldn't even succeed at this, the only goal I'd ever set for myself, do I really deserve another chance to ruin another woman's life?

I'd say I don't.

[potmilkz]

ehh im the same way as of now.

just recently i broke up with my gf of 5 years and im only 22..

so i got with her at the age of 17 in highschool.

she lived with me during high school and continue on to up untill last week.

its hard to say goodbye, i truly still love her and want to be with her, but at the end, it takes two to tango. Cant only have one person committed and the other not.

im still thinking of how to take all this in because shes my first, but know this. Shit happens, it will be out of your control.

All you can do is HOPE because thats the only thing you can do.

the more you call, text, try to get in contact with her, the more she will hate you.

[Fene]

ehh im the same way as of now.

just recently i broke up with my gf of 5 years and im only 22..

so i got with her at the age of 17 in highschool.

she lived with me during high school and continue on to up untill last week.

its hard to say goodbye, i truly still love her and want to be with her, but at the end, it takes two to tango. Cant only have one person committed and the other not.

im still thinking of how to take all this in because shes my first, but know this. Shit happens, it will be out of your control.

All you can do is HOPE because thats the only thing you can do.

the more you call, text, try to get in contact with her, the more she will hate you.

This is EXACTLY the same as my situations.. Me and my ex met when we were 15 back in school and we're both now 21 and she broke up with me 6 weeks ago.. I feel the same in the fact that I really want to work things out as I truly love her but I seemed to be the only one trying so i've just left it as it is for now as much as it hurts to do so.. Maybe one day we'll be together or if not i'm determined to have a great women by my side.. It's going to be my mission!