How to actually meet women (not your typical seduction post)

[WittyUserName]

Alright, I am here to give you girl advice… in a way you’ve never heard it before. I’m not going to tell you how to dress, how to present yourself, what to say, or how to act. I’m going to explain to you the secret of TRUE attraction. I promise you, it is actually relatively simple. I will start by explaining why what is usually explained to you does not work. (Please note that this isn’t a guide for manipulating girls into sex, if that is your goal, you need to grow up. Therefore this guide is not for douches)

Usually, someone who finds themselves completely unsuccessful with the opposite sex will look to his buddies whom are successful for help or will read up on the internet or in books about pickup artist techniques deemed successful by many. These people will tell you to act cocky, be funny, be reserved, play games, lead on, or whatever else they personally know gets them women. The key word to remember here is act. They are asking you to act, like an actor. You are being told to take on personality traits that aren’t necessarily inherent in your own personal behaviour. There are people who can easily mimic these behaviours as they are simply good actors. The truth is that most of us are not. What ends up happening is that when you approach women with these attitudes or behaviours, they seem fake, which sends a red alert in their minds pushing you away. They have every reason to do so as someone who is fake can logically be perceived as a liar, therefore you may be perceived as having bad intentions. I will explain to you how to find compatible matches without acting, but by simply being yourself.

1. Remove that bad attitude you have, meaning that hate you have for women caused by being rejected many times (if you do not have that attitude, you can skip this section). There are as many douchy guys as there are girls. Think of every guy you know who talks to girls for the sole purpose of f*cking them (I use this derogatory term as I do not want to cut the true action short), and discard girls they are not attracted to… well, they are all douches. Think of the girls that do the same from their end, they are also douches. Not every girl is like that, nor is every guy. You simply do not meet these girls because you are too busy trying to attract douchy girls and ignoring the others. If you have problems believing me, simply talk to a girl in one of your classes (if you attend school) you have never noticed before, not necessarily the best looking one, but one that doesn’t seem enthralled by her blackberry or will actually look back after opening a door to see if she can hold it open for the person directly behind her. These are people that are not only concerned about themselves, that are consistently thinking about being respectful to others. She does not have to be mother Theresa, just aware that there are others around her that are relatively just as important to this world as her. This person does not necessarily need to be the girl you start a relationship with, but simply someone worth talking to. This will give you a better attitude regarding the opposite sex and make you feel much more confident (remember, confidence is not a personality trait, it is simply how comfortable you are in your own skin, there is no acting involved).

2. Get to know yourself. You would be surprised by how little you know yourself. If I asked you to write 10 pages about who you are, what you like, and how you see the world, would you be able to do it? My answer to that question is: “10 pages aren’t enough.” But most of you wouldn’t even know how to start. Take the time when you are alone to really think about it. Like I said before, confidence is being comfortable in your own skin. How can you be comfortable if you don’t know yourself? Use the 10 page exercise if you are having trouble with this.

3. Now that you know yourself, get to know what you like in others. The previous step and this one relate heavily, so make sure to build connections between the two so you really understand your feelings. Try not to over think or lie to yourself, there are actually only a few characteristics that make you possibly compatible with another person. Personally, I like people who are opinionated without feeling the need to oppress other’s ideas. Chances are, if you have that trait, I will become friends with you. There are other characteristics that make me even more compatible with others, and I can list them in order of importance in my mind. This becomes a guideline, but not a mould set in stone. I will say this in capital letters as it is the most important thing to remember: IF YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE SAYING ANYTHING THAT COMES TO YOUR MIND TO SOMEONE, IF THEY FEEL THE SAME WAY, AND NEITHER OF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE BEING CENSORED, YOU WILL HAVE A STRONG RELATIONSHIP.

4. Learn that everyone is different. Yes, as I said before, many try to act a certain way because they believe it will increase their chances at being successful (with girls or anything for that matter) but note that their true personalities will come out eventually. This is why relationships tend to fail after a year or two. Both partners become more comfortable to be themselves around the other and they suddenly learn that they were never compatible in the first place. Be confident about your personality. The general rule of thumb is that if your personality does not hurt or oppress others or yourself in any way, there’s no problem with it (although, if it does, you need to seek help. There is no such thing as an inherently bad person, just a confused person). This will allow you to like yourself and allow you to like others.

5. (the last four steps were not necessarily in order), now that you know yourself, are comfortable in your own skin, know what you like in others and have a good attitude towards the other sex, start enjoying your life to the fullest. I’m going to use clubs and bars as an example here as they are the most popular setting for my target readers. You don’t go to a club or bar by yourself, you go with friends to drink and let loose. Some people enjoy dancing while others just enjoy chatting it up over a few drinks. Some enjoy “picking up chicks” (but if you’re reading this guide right now, chances are you don’t, you just really want what you believe to be the end result being a relationship… “picking up chicks” at it’s core will not do that). If you like dancing, get some of your friends on the dance floor and dance however you like. Don’t just jump up behind a girl and start grinding them, girls don’t particularly enjoy that unless they are drunk or you are very good looking. Why would you do that anyway, unless your sole purpose is to take advantage of a girl you don’t know at all. By dancing with your friends and actually having fun, you will get the attention of on looking girls who are doing the same. Make eye contact and invite them to dance with you. If they say no, whatever, you’re having fun anyways. If you just like chatting at the bar, invite people into your conversation that peek your interest. Your friend says something funny; ask the girl next to you what she thinks of the joke. She blows you off, who cares, you’re having fun anyways. If you keep this up, you will end up meeting a girl with a common personality trait which is a definite starting point. Please keep in mind to not get overly wasted (drinking wise) as you will not be acting like yourself. For those of you who do not enjoy drinking or the bar setting, you can still apply this to other social gatherings. Remember, I’m not telling you how to act, I’m just telling you to do what you actually wanted to do anyways. If you do not frequent any form of social gathering and are still hoping to meet a girl, you have not completed one of the previous steps correctly. Even “nerdy” guys can meet girls at things such as conventions, over the internet, or in the field of study they enjoy.

6. Now that you’ve met her, try and see if she’s your type by simply talking to her. Ask her questions. Bring up what you enjoy, your hobbies and see how she reacts. I promise you, if you are truly compatible, conversation should flow. Looking back, you now understand why those first 4 steps are so important. If she isn’t interested, don’t be rude and try to build a friendship. If she really isn’t your type, just end the conversation respectfully and go back to whatever you were doing. Who cares, you were having fun anyways.

7. You’ve determined that she is your type; you can now do whatever you like from then on. Ask for her number, ask her to dance, buy her a drink, keep talking, ask her if she likes you, try to kiss her (hopefully not too early, it makes no sense to be kissing girls you don’t know). Like I said before, you have to be yourself or things will end up not working out anyway. By doing so, you will see if she truly is as compatible with you as you thought. If she wasn’t (say it with me): “WHO CARES, YOU WERE HAVING FUN ANYWAYS!”

Hopefully this will end up leading you into a healthy relationship that will further your understanding of yourself and others.

To all those that disagree with this guide, you are allowed. I am not an all knowing sentient being. Just remember, neither are you.

[hurt_confuzd]

Steps 1 through 5: Get really drunk.

Steps 6 through 7: Have you accomplished 1-5 properly?

[jenniferx]

Being a female, I like the whole don't act thing. The biggest turnoff for me is a guy who tries to hard, and I think it is generally fairly obvious.

Although, i like hurt_confuzed advice too

[WittyUserName]

Steps 1 through 5: Get really drunk.

Steps 6 through 7: Have you accomplished 1-5 properly?

That would be a standard play by play of my own nights, but I wouldn't say it is an effective way to begin a relationship. In fact, it usually ends up messy, figuratively... but sometimes literally.