My bf and I have known each other for over a year now. We broke up for 6 months and have been happily together for the past (nearly) 5 months. It has been frequent that he brings up marriage... he never did this before... I don't want to ask him about it because I think it is WAY to soon to discuss this. I'm not even thinking about marriage, I haven't even finished college yet. He is 4 years older than me and I'm thinking that he is thinking about getting ready to settle down.
He says things like, "If you and I ever get married...." "If we date long enough to get married..." "After college, we could do this..."
He also wants me to meet his birth mother.. someone who he practically doesn't have a relationship with, never introduced a girlfriend to, and now he wants me to meet her. Surprise!
This is just so frequent now... I told him I loved him a year ago and I haven't said it since because of what happened afterwards.. the breakup and post-drama. He hasn't said it yet (reason being that he has too much drama going on with his family ie. divorce, pregnancy, STD's, more drama in the family), but he's bringing up marriage like he is..
Will someone clear things up for me? I am confused by this.. don't want to ask him about it because I mean, hey, in total we've only been dating nearly 11 months.
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Thread: Might he think that I'm the one?
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07-07-10, 11:13 AM #1
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Might he think that I'm the one?
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07-07-10, 11:15 AM #2
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How do you expect your relationship to function if you won't open up and talk to him?
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07-07-10, 11:16 AM #3
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I feel like it's too soon.. he hasn't said I love you yet, so I don't think I should be jumping to marriage.
I need opinions.
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07-07-10, 11:25 AM #4
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Saying "I love you" should not be a precursor to a serious conversation. You guys are clearly in a long-term, exclusive relationship. He is supposedly making plans for a future with you, a future you're not sure you're ready for. It's time to say something.
Again, relationships thrive on free-flowing communication. If you can't talk to him about issues that concern you and your relationship together, then things will either dissolve or explode.
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07-07-10, 11:45 AM #5
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Perfectly sound logic, I couldn't agree more!
Originally Posted by lahnnabell
It's obvious that he has strong feelings and that he loves you. It sounds to me like he wants to hear it from you first to get some confirmation, and that he's fishing by bringing up the idea of marriage. He wants you to show the same affection that he is showing you so he feels that he made the right decision. However, if you don't start giving anything in return then things will...well...either dissolve or explode.You're never too old to learn something stupid.
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07-07-10, 12:10 PM #6
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Would it bother you if I didn't close my parenthesis leet? function v(kinda like this... Originally Posted by l337acc
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07-07-10, 12:56 PM #7
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I don't quite understand what you mean Tooya
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
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07-07-10, 01:10 PM #8
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...)
Nothing, your name just suggested you are a heavy duty coder, and I felt like being random.
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07-07-10, 01:14 PM #9
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Oh I got ya. For some reason I thought you were suggesting I misquoted something from you at some point....
And yes.....yes it would
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
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07-07-10, 10:21 PM #10
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I've almost said it a couple times, but faltered because of what happened a year ago. I'm kind of scared to say ILY again. Last time I said it, it blew up in my face. Literally. All downhill from there.
I know he's feeling a lot more for me than he ever did before. I've met all of his best friends, I'm one of few girlfriends he's ever had meet his family, wants me to meet his birth mom, take me to meet his friends across the country and do all this stuff... oh boy
Takes me to places that mean a lot to him...
I still feel like it's too soon for me to bring up marriage.. I'm only 21. I feel like I want to just date him more and then discuss it. It honestly does scare me; the thought of marriage. And what else, he just visited me this summer, left yesterday, and I won't be seeing him till August. Even if I were to bring it up then, I wouldn't want to do it over the phone.
We do usually have open, flowing communication, obviously just not this....
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07-07-10, 10:29 PM #11
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I'm not surprised it scares you. The last thing you will be wanting at the young age of 21, is to be tied down.
I would tell him that marriage is the furthest thing from your mind at this moment in time. Be HONEST.
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08-07-10, 03:06 AM #12
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See he's 4 years older than I am.. he probably is thinking about getting ready to settle down...
I think the next time he brings it up like he does I will say something. I don't want to just bring it up out of the blue because WHAT IF I am over-analyzing things? I usually do. Sometimes he says things without thinking, maybe this could be something I wasn't supposed to take seriously?
I'm just waiting for ILY from him... that's all I really want from him right now. Nothing more, nothing less. He knows that I want to finish school, get a masters degree, find a job, and then worry about marriage. He knows this. It is what I've wanted for a long time.
Does his excuse of not saying ILY make sense? That he's got too much going on with his family..? Sometimes I don't think it does and sometimes I do. I've brought it up once or twice and he says the same thing, "I would have said it already but I've got too much going on with my family." I certainly don't pressure him at all, it was just at that point where I needed to ask.
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08-07-10, 04:17 AM #13
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I don't know hon, men are different. But I don't think I would be taking a guy seriously who hadn't said he loved me, but will refer to, 'When we are married, etc, etc.. Originally Posted by ladeeda80
Actually my ex would talk about what it would be like if we were married a lot. I think some do it tending to joke you know. Not saying that is in the case of your guy though.
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08-07-10, 08:08 AM #14
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You can bring it up whenever you're ready. Simply preface it by saying, "You know hun, all these comments you make about marriage have me thinking..." And go from there. But you have to say something.
You keep mentioning that he's older than you and he's probably looking to settle down. You are assuming these things when you need to ask and talk about it. I think you're afraid to tell him you're not ready because you think he will leave you. You must combat this fear. If it turns out that he wants to get married sooner than you're ready for, then it may be that you have different goals in your lives right now. But don't be silent because you're afraid of losing him.
