Difficult situation =/

[TuoRtopeer]

I was going out with a girl for 3 months, this was 3 weeks ago, everything was good, we werent telling parents, or anyone because we both live in a pseudo-gay hating, intolerant part of town part of town. 3 weeks ago she said she was scared her parents would find out and broke things off. I never really believed that was the reason she left, but i partly didnt blame her because im terrified if my parents find out that im gay. Last saturday, she had come to see me, and she said she no longer cared if her parents found out, and that it was a mistake to leave me. Im really not sure what to do. =( I did love her, but she kind of left me off in a bad state

[Alex love]

Hi Tuo,

As you will know, 3 months into a relationship can be a pretty intense time. Your girlfriend was probably going through a big emotional change, and facing the prospect of really falling for you deeply. This type of deepening in the relationship would have sparked a number of questions in her mind. Is this the one? Is this someone I could live with, or even bring up children with?

As such, she may have faced, for the first time, the prospect of telling the world about her sexuality. Of course, you are in the same situation, but we all react to things differently. It may be that she's explained things to you exactly as they are: She knew that if the relationship were to continue her sexuality would, inevitably, have to become common knowledge. She was terrified of this, but her love for you overcame that terror!

I would welcome her back with open arms, and show as much compassion as you can for the huge psychological change and period of growth she is experiencing. In a complex relationship like yours, this type of selfless support will be necessary in the years ahead You are a blessing to each other.

However, if it continues, and she keeps being flaky, then you will have to ask yourself if the balance of positive to negative is right for you at this stage in your life. You may have to leave her, but I would suggest not yet

Good luck, follow your heart and things will work out for the best

[Gigabitch]

The question of whether or not to come out to your parents and the community at large is a really difficult one. The answer is not always "Yes! Be who you are! Everyone is free to feel good about themselves!" It would be nice if we lived in that kind of world, but we don't. When you're still a kid and living with your parents, coming out can ruin or, in extreme circumstances, even end your life. I know two teenage girls who were disowned by family members when it came to light they were gay and one of them was thrown out on the street.

What I'm saying, here, is that her behavior because of her fears is forgivable.

Find out what she means by "I don't care", though. Is she willing to risk all of that for herself? Is she willing to put you in the same position? You have to talk about this seriously together and decide if you're willing to risk everything for each other.

When you're older and on your own, your lifestyle will be entirely up to you and you'll find that getting out of that narrow-minded little town will be the best thing that ever happened to you. How much longer are you going to be there?

[matty007]

I agree, I think give her another chance so long as she is not too-too flaky. I think you two should be a support system for one another sine you both have not come out even if you don’t say together support each other. If you two are worried about parents you have to be young and I am sure it is hella scary thinking about potential reactions to coming out. I wish you both well and hope things work out.

[TuoRtopeer]

thanks for the advice, ive decided i am going to forgive, i just wasnt sure. after we broke up i was in a pretty miserable state and that ran deep in my decision

Gigabitch i could move out and be completely free of any financial ties to them in about a year, so not too long


thanks again for the help