Okay so heres just a few things that have been bugging me, that i cant really say anywhere else without being told im paranoid or going to his side or something..
Heres the deal; My boyfriend of 1year 4 months has an obsession with looking at breasts and naked women and whatever else is on 4chan.. I knew him for 4 years, i already knew he was a boob man even when we were friends, but i came over for a holiday and ended up staying here with him, apparantly im his first serious relationship but i get the feeling he doesnt take me seriously. I get mad jealous fast, and with all the girls he (HAD) on his msn list (YOUNGER) girls.. It just worrys me.. Anyway, 6 months ish went by, Girls flirted i let it slide i refused to get jealous over it but then i start seeing things like him going on stickam to "talk" to girls, never males.. I see him go on websites and pull girls email to add to his email.. So my head clicks and i start checking up on him, i go through his chatlogs and firefox history, what do i find? him asking girls to get their tits out whilst with me... so i comfronted him with it, told him i didnt like it and i hated him for doing something like this, told him it was basically cheating on me, i dont care if its not physical or not if it gets you arroused and you have the urge to go seek out another girl then your cheating in my books.. So we argued for ages, and finally calmed down he told me he was sorry and how he loved me and would never do it again.. I forgave him ;_; and he ended up clearing out his list of all the girls he didnt know personally.. so hes down to like 3-5 girls on his msn list that he barely talks to anymore.
Few months more ~ I got laid of from my job so i sunk back into myself a bit, got a bit miserable and felt really fed up so my sleeping pattern messed up, i started sleeping all day and being awake at night, but whilst i slept he was awake on his laptop one day when hes out i sneak on it just to find hes slowly doing it again, adding random girls, even made a new msn to hide them all on so again i got pissed off had a fight blah blah blah. The point is.. i keep finding little bits ALL the time, and its just wearing my self esteem down to shreds, Does he really find me that unattractive that hes gotta go stare at pictures of younger girls with smaller boobs then me? ;/ (Im a 30H, 5"5 in height and weigh about 8 stone)
It makes me feel miserable that my boyfriend sneaks behind my back.. I understand boys need to do whatever they do but he never masterbates o.O So why does he do it? Ive asked him countless times and its always the same answer "I dont know, im sorry!" How can i give him my trust, when i know he says one thing to me and goes and does something else.. I just dont know what to do anymore.. I dont WANT to leave him, but its really starting to wear on my nerves, when i leave him alone im constantly thinking what hes doing, who hes talking with.. Please help me.. give me some suggestions on what i should do to make it better..
Please, to anyone who answers, dont give me immature answers and dont say its all down to our sex life, considering its me who has the sex drive he seems to lack it..
lol Sorry, this seemed to have turned into a bit of an essay..