my lover can't orgasm

[feelslikeido]

hello.. my partner and i seem to have really great sex, however I can't bring her to orgasm. she told me she can come with toys, but we've used toys together and she hasn't come. she never appears frustrated, and she always seems to enjoy sex. she has told me she has a great time in the bedroom regardless of whether or not she actually comes, but I want to gently support her to give her great sex and I woud love to see her come. are there ways to develop our behaviours to maybe make this happen, or are some girls just like that (they enjoy sex, but don't come).

any advice would be really appreciated =)

btw the smilies on this forum are downright creepy! =b

[TheTooya]

I'm a guy, but let me give my two cents

If you push the orgasm issue too much, then your girlfriend will probably get self conscious about not orgasming, which makes it less enjoyable. The best thing is to keep on going with the flow, try new things, but don't chase after the holy grail of orgasm, just let it happen.

Sex feels good, even if there isn't an orgasm, it still feels good.
--

If anything, make sure you are giving her plenty of foreplay... but really, just enjoy ****ing <-- creepy smiley

[DoubleEight]

She sounds a lot like how I was for a very long time. I've always absolutely loved sex. I think penetration is the most awesome feeling ever! But I could never come no matter how often I was gone down on or fingered or anything else. My boyfriend and I tried toys and special lubes and all, but I was still the only one who could make myself cum. It took me ages to make the connection between what I did alone and what I did with my BF there, and figure out what was missing.

All girl's bodies are different. Some girls can come from intercourse, others need external stimulation only, or prefer a combination of internal and external work. I'm the last type, and I think most other girls are too. But the thing is that near all external orgasms are not a function of the body, but of the brain. I once read in a joke book, "Every woman must realize that she is responsible for her own orgasm." Sadly, I think this is actually true. Making a girl come will almost never be as easy as touching the right spot for long enough, because she has to be in the right mindset to reach her climax. I use to lay back when my BF tried to make me come and waited for the feeling to send me over the edge, but it never ever did, even if it felt great. I was sexually active for more then a year before my first orgasm with MY BF's stimulation, because it took me that long to realize I needed to just close my eyes and fantasize about whatever turned me on the most. When I let my body do the feeling, I got nowhere. Once I put my mind to work, it was no time before I was cumming myself from just plain oral.

Tell your GF she needs to relax and get herself in the right mindset. If you don't do this already, try giving her oral while fingering her. That's usually what works best for women who don't cum from intercourse. But if that doesn't work then don't let it stop you from experimenting.

Best of luck.

[feelslikeido]

hey again, thanks for the great info.

this might be the reason.i'm no expert but i think she may have a preoccupation with satisfying me, hence she can't fully focus on herself. supposing it is (nothing to lose here), do you think there's any ways to help her overcome it without her even knowing? in otherwords how can i get her to relax and enjoy herself and focus her mind on her own thoughts?

one idea i have is to play a game where one partner has 15 mins to do whatever he/she wants to the other, then roles are reversed. i figured since she just has to lie there and take whatever i do to her she'll just have to relax, it will probably take her a few minutes but if i do the same action for the whole 15 mins maybe she'll take a few mins to get into it and then be relaxed enough to forget about me (or anything else on her mind) and just enjoy what's being done to her. I also thought a blindfold could be good her. Maybe even light bondage. What do you think ??? or is there a simpler way?

[Gigabitch]

I think light bondage might be very effective. She might be able to relinquish some of the control she's keeping such a strong grip on.