i'm not angry with you for trying to degrade me like this as frankly your attempt failed and i also pitty you as something or someone has lead you to those kinds of outbursts so... i'll leave the "screw you" and "you got what you deserved" go...
i did NOT have any serious relationships only mildly serious ones and that was from the age of 15 and a half. the longest relationship was 3 months and i knew going into them that it would never ever be serious, i suppose you could call them flings. i was trying to move on i'll have you know. my ex/childhood sweetheart was cutting me out of his life and i felt that i would never have a chance. was i supposed to give up on love and opt out of dating and finding my feet????? i tried to talk to him lots over the past few years and would have taken him over any of my previous bfs in a heartbeat. it's got to the point that i'm not interested in ANY guys at all as i know now that i simply cannot get over him and silly short and non serious relationships have lost their zing and they get dangerous if one person becomes attached.
that being said i know that even though i had a right to want to step back and slow things down and let us be friends for a while i should have explained it to him properly. i was too young and foolish to know how to do this but i know that i hurt him loads and i am so sorry. i have been for years. i also know that if we do get back together he may well distrust me and end up hurting me.
we don't have to get back together either, just get back into each others lives and then.... you never know!
i know i am not a bad person, i have made mistakes and i'm not perfect but i do not need to even entertain your abuse for one second. do it again and i will report you.
thanks amoamo and everyone else for your advice and encouragement. i promise i will contact him as soon as he gets back from his holidays. when he does, i'll probably be freaking out about what to say and what he says back.... fun times ahead. ha ha.
eitherway, the most important outcome for me will be closure to the saga, maybe a friend and maybe more....
love hurts, especially when you don't know what to do with it!!!