How to get her to tell me what's wrong.

[Toxic106]

Yeah, me again. Again, I've been with my girlfriend for 3 months. Each month, there's this point where she's REALLY depressed for 'no reason' according to her.

I tried my best. Below is the convo I usually get myself into.
Me: What's wrong?
GF: Nothing
Me: Tell me what's wrong.
GF: It doesn't matter.
Me: Why?
GF: Because even if I said it it wouldn't help.
Me: Have you told anyone about it?
GF: No
Me: Try and tell me.
GF: It doesn't matter. There's no point.
Me: Why?
GF: It just doesn't.
Me: Do you want to be happy?
GF: It doesn't matter. I'll just be unhappy.
Me: Why?
GF: I just will.
Me: ..... Tell me please?
GF: There's no point.
Me: Does it have anything to do with me?
GF: I don't know..... (Holds head with hands)
Me:......

That about concludes all the things I asked and the answers she's given me.

Apparently, she's upset. And there's a reason for it. She didn't tell anyone. And it SEEMs like it has something to do with me.
All I'm asking is, in these 3 months, she's been like this 3 times. Each time, I'm clueless, useless. I can't make her happy and I feel... worthless. When she's unhappy, she always turn to her ex/best friend. And I mean like ALWAYS. HE'S the only one who can make her smile when she's not happy. Not me.

Today, her ex tried to cheer her up, and she's not cheered up this time. This is bad. All I want, is to find a way to get her to talk to me. About her problems. Preferably before this friday because I'm leaving for another country for the holiday. I've tried everything. But I never seem to be the one to make her happy when she's sad to begin with. I.... I need help. And please, real advices. I know I need to take time, and stuff but I just... *sigh* I need help with this. I'm totally worthless/useless when it comes to opening up my girlfriend.

[Gigabitch]

Um, monthly? Sounds like hormones to me.

[Toxic106]

*sigh* Yeah... but still, any ways to get her talking?

[mitsuki]

Just like Gigabitch mentioned, sounds like PMS.
If it is PMS (I can't know for sure, obviously), then be aware that PMS alone doesn't make someone as grumpy as she is. When a girl has too much hormones, she tends to make a fuss out of things she would normally not even notice. It is possible that the fact that you keep asking her what is wrong (even though you are worried) actually pisses her off (due to the hormones). It might be best to leave it be if she says it's nothing, maybe tell her that she can always talk to you about stuff if she wants (because that's what lovers are for right), and that even if they include you you'd still like to know because then you might be able to chance it. If she still doesn't wishes to tell, then you better leave her be. And if you can't help but having a very very strong desire to know, then ask her ex. Though I believe that asking her ex might make things worse.

[Toxic106]

If anything, I doubt it's PMS, because she takes pills. I dunno if it has any effect or not but... yeah. I'm just worried, that's all. I just think that I did something wrong. And, if that's the case, I can change it. Though if it isn't.... I dunno. Still, I just want to know.

I guess there is no way to get her to talk then......................... *SIGH*

[xxazurexx]

She probably doesn't even know herself and what is up with her.

I used to be like this with my ex and usually around that time of month. I'd be quieter than normal and he'd ask what was up and I'd say 'nothing'...etc.etc. And I'd shut him out...and feel pretty bad for it afterwards.

Then one day I just told him that I didn't mean to be that way, it's just that at that certain time of month I'd feel really, really, really down. Then he was more understanding and knew it was nothing to do with him.

PMS can be bad

[lahnnabell]

She confides in her ex/best friend, yet won't open up to you? I'd be so not okay with that.

[xxazurexx]

Just been reading some of your past posts. What happened to the other guy she liked and while with you?

Seems you two have been having problems and right from the start.

[Toxic106]

xxazurexx,

The guy she liked... well, she got over him, I guess. She didn't act any different to him than to any other teachers. And, uh... She's always been a depressing person. I guess. I just... I'm trying really hard here. This is like my first relationship. And a first REAL relationship. She's just... so important to me. I want her to be happy. Yet I can't even do that when she needs cheering up the most. I feel so... Well, useless. Worthless. I can't do a thing. I just...

I tried so hard. Everytime when she's not very happy, I'll look for the right time and talk to her about it. She's usually surrounded by friends so... yeah. And her ex is her best friend. He doesn't have any feelings for her anyone. And we're tight buds. -ish anyways. He's really good at cheering her up. He can always put a smile on her face. While I can't even... Then again, he's known her for 8-10 years, I've only known her for almost half a year.

It's just... I TRY!!! SOOO HARD!!! Yet I can never do the right thing, understand what she's doing. I can't understand what she's thinking.... All I want is for her to tell me what's wrong. All I want is for her to tell me... at least, tell me WHY she wouldn't tell me. I'm SOOOOOO....... *sigh*... forget it.

[lahnnabell]

She needs to start allowing you into her life it his relationship will progress any further. If she doesn't, and you're unhappy, then you need to tell her that. You're not responsible for making this girl happy, and you shouldn't have to be. Only fully functioning beings can really put forth the effort to maintain a relationship. Depressed people are too selfish and self-involved to care for someone else.

[Toxic106]

Well, I know it's not my responsibility to make her happy. I just REALLY want to. Her happiness is my happiness. I'll be happy when she is. It's just that... the only way I know how to make her happy is to see what the problem is. Seek out the root, and destroy it. That's how I think. Problem is, she won't tell me. Not just me, ANYONE. According to her anyway. *Sigh* I just feel like I did something wrong... I... There's no use being depressed.... So, I tried to be perky for a bit. I never not smile in front of her. When she's upset anyway.

I just hope, she'll just open up. I guess this is a time thing, innit. I'll have to wait and see.

That's the thing... I can't wait. I'm leaving this friday and with her like this now... how can I leave peacefully? ... Darn it..

[lahnnabell]

I've dated seriously depressed people before and after a while it wore me down so much that I had to leave them. After a year together, my ex boyfriend and I moved across the country together. I thought, "Yay, we're starting our life together!" 6 months later I left him. His depression permeated every aspect of our relationship and it got so bad that I became depressed. I slept all the time and was still tired. He was overly critical of me. Would routinely push me away, then apologize later, but the cycle never changed. The only way I could help myself was by leaving. One of the best decisions I ever made because now I am in love with someone else and he's wonderful.

[xxazurexx]

Yeah. If she is a negative person, she will only drag you down.

I couldn't be with someone like that either, who was unhappy and negative.

Some people are just born miserable, nothing pleases them.

[vashti]

I doubt it's hormones, but if you aren't sure, start marking the calendar (discreetly) when she behaves this way. if it's PMS, there will be a consistent pattern.

I think she's just being a moody bitch. You sure she's "over" the other guy? Or that she is really invested in this relationship?

You haven't invested too much time yet. Maybe you should consider getting a more pleasant girlfriend?

[Mish]

You can't "make" someone happy, they have to do it themselves. Next time she tells you nothing is wrong tell her that you will take her at her word and assume nothing is wrong until she says otherwise.