How to tell her...

[LailaK]

Wow... I'm actually agreeing with Indie... lol!

[Kayla]

Wow... I'm actually agreeing with Indie... lol!

me too.. especially the part about not telling them is making a choice for them. VERY good point...

[lotus petals]

kayla, your programming and social conditioning leaves you quite remarkably biased. shall we recount the order of events?

i gave my opinion.

in at least 3 different posts i was called "stupid, mediocre and wrong". did all of this fly right over your head? apparently so.

i responded to the judgemental condescending posts.

you project onto me being judgemental and condescending yet are oblivious to the origional rude judgemental posts. perhaps you agree with them and consider that fact not opinion or judgement.....hence your responses. you are transparent.

yes we are all products of programming. learn to respect others opinions.

[IndiReloaded]

I grasp that Lotus is an idiot. That's what her programming has made her. White lies to keep the peace is one thing. She thinks she is delivering some sage wisdom that is actually blindingly obvious. Yes, honesty for its own sake is not a virtue but there is a world of difference between a white lie and cheating/infidelity. I mean, she would also have to argue that a compulsive gambler should also lie to his family about his addiction b/c its 'kinder' than informing his family of their impending financial ruin.

Making decisions to withhold information regarding deal-breaker issues on behalf of another rational adult is, as I already said, the epitome of arrogance and disrespect. It takes away the right of the offended partner to make an informed decision about a serious situation. It treats them as the equivalent of a child that needs to be protected from the big, ugly world. Its a complete bullshit argument put forward by emotional cowards and limited thinkers. It is not an enlightened argument in the slightest. Just ask anyone who's been cheated on and then found out about it later.

[Kayla]

kayla, your programming and social conditioning leaves you quite remarkably biased. shall we recount the order of events?

i gave my opinion.

in at least 3 different posts i was called "stupid, mediocre and wrong". did all of this fly right over your head? apparently so.

i responded to the judgemental condescending posts.

you project onto me being judgemental and condescending yet are oblivious to the origional rude judgemental posts. perhaps you agree with them and consider that fact not opinion or judgement.....hence your responses. you are transparent.

yes we are all products of programming. learn to respect others opinions.

Oh my.. are you serious?! For about the THIRD TIME: I never said I didn't respect your opinion!! I just dont agree. I completely get that everyone has an opinion and they we are all entitled to it... that is not the issue here.

And- of course I saw the other posts where they called you "stupid" and "mediocre". I am reading the same information you are.

Failure to mention that they called you names does not mean that I agree with name calling. Transparent? its not like I was keeping my opinion on this issue a secret- I plainly said that I did not agree with you. So, saying that I am so transparent and you figured me all out was really not that big of a deal.

My point was as simple as this- I was addressing how you gave your opinion in two choices: "either accept mine or you are only repeating programming." if you wanted to argue your opinion on why the OP should not tell about the cheating, then do it. Dont attempt to come across as some intellectual enlightened superior who is forced to live among non-thinking robots.

And please stop with the "learn to respect other opinions" talk... I have already been socially programmed to do that, thank you.

[Kayla]

Hey Nightie-

is there an update? Did you decide to tell her?

[IndiReloaded]

And- of course I saw the other posts where they called you "stupid" and "mediocre". I am reading the same information you are.

Just to clarify: I called her ideas stupid and mediocre.

But, I do suppose there was really no need for me to call her an idiot.

[Nightie]

Sorry for the lack of updates. Sleeping pattern has been unfavorable.

I plan to tell her, hopefully sometime soon. Just getting my mind ready for the inevitable, I guess.

And sorry for the short update. Not really sure what all to add. >.> <.<

[lotus petals]

wow just wow. you are still regurgitating your social programming. i never said to lie. if asked point blank the answer should be the truth. once again if he learned from this and she is deeply in love with him and its mutual now, he should keep it to himself unless asked. BECAUSE it will cause her unnecessary pain and grief!!!! whats the ulitimate objective? have you thought that out?

give me one valid point of what she has to gain if he confessed and they chose to stay together?

[lahnnabell]

To me, cheating represents a deeply rooted problem. The cheater is extremely dissatisfied with themselves and their lot in life and they seek out sex or sexual relationships as a way to boost their egos. This is why they are fleeting and do not last, because affairs are based on lies. HOWEVER, cheaters tend to make it a habit. If there is an ongoing issue with the person that manifests itself through cheating on their current partner, then it isn't just a "one time problem". It will happen again.

To the OP, why did you cheat in the first place?

[kaern]

Everyone makes mistakes. The thing is, if you feel truly sorry for doing it, and plan not to do it again, and she can't find out from anyone else, you shouldn't tell her. Your relationship will probably end, and neither of you would be happier. That is , if you don't do it again.
If you don't tell her, you'll eventually forget about it. If you do, the relationship will probably end, and if it doesn't , she won't forget it and it will lead to a lot of complications. And it will eventually still end a short while after, depends on the girl.