Very confused

[tandp]

Hi there. Any advice very helpful.

I recently came out of a long relationship, it was about 3 months ago. It had been very stale for a while and was the right move.

Since then I developed major feelings for a girl at work. We had always got on but things moved pretty quickly. Possibly too quickly. But we both agreed to take things slowly. Mainly because a close relative of hers has terminal cancer which means she is back where she is from a lot. Of course I said to her I was there for her if she ever needed me.

We were getting on fantastically, all the right things were being said and she kept telling me how lucky she was. I disagreed and said i was the lucky one.

Then out of the blue she texted me to tell me she just couldn't have a relationship because of the way things are at home and that it wasn't me that was the problem, she just needed to focus on her family right now and that she felt guilty being happy with me while things are so bad back home.

She blows my mind and is simply perfect. I am obviously gutted.

I am also from a different place and my friends and family are all there so I am on my own with just my job
for company. I simply do not know what to do given her sudden change of heart. I feel like I'm falling from cloud 9 without a parachute. I really want us to have a future but don't want to pres her. I have said I'll be there for her as a friend right now. What should I do?

[Teddy057]

Well, it sounds like she wants to spend every possible moment with her dying relative. I don't think you did anything wrong. She feels like she needs to devote time to you to keep you happy, which she does. I think she made the right move, and if you truly have strong feelings for her, you will keep being there for her and support her. At this point, I think that's all you can do.

[lotus petals]

she doesn't know how to go with the flow of life. she is doing what she thinks she is "supposed" to do. how boring. trust me she's not all that. what a beautiful gift the universe has sent her.....a new love as a relative is passing, ahhh the beauty of life. she can't see it.

the sadness and grief you are experiencing is mostly from your previously relationship. thats what happens when we rebound......when the rebound ends we feel the grief that we suppressed. double whammy! sorry, sometimes life is rough, be good to yourself and know you will be a better person when all is said and done. we gain much humility and wisdom from heart breaks.