How to deal with feelings for a girl friend?

[hatchline]

I've fallen in to a tricky situation and am trying to figure out how to handle it.

We met on a school trip about two months ago (her 22, me 21). For the 4 week duration of the trip, we were pretty much inseparable. We traveled together and hung out literally every day and night. Needless to say, we've become pretty close friends over a relatively short period of time.

We're from the same hometown and since returning from the trip, have been hanging out several times a week. Coffee shops, cooking at each other's houses, movies, etc.

The problem is, I've developed feelings for her that are more than "just friendly." I in part blame myself for not acting sooner on these feelings which started on the trip, but honestly I had a hard time figuring out if they were mutual. So, I treaded cautiously in fear of rejection and the fact that it could have made the rest of the trip (which was otherwise life-changing for other reasons) completely awkward.

So now that we're back home and have continued developing our friendship, I finally took the plunge and asked her out on a date to her favorite musical...sort of. I should have explicitly used the word "date," but instead, I phrased it so it could go either way (I know, grow a pair, right?). She seemed kind of gitty and flattered when I asked her, but said she wanted to think about it, which I was fine with because she has to take a road trip early the next morning that she mentioned earlier. As we leave, she tells me that she'll let me know the next day.

Two days later, she texts me (wtf?) and says "I don't think I can go, it kind of feels like a date and I don't want to lead anyone on." Well ****.

I shouldn't have even been by my phone after that many drinks, but I texted her back with "Just friends. I do enjoy hanging out with you, no hard feelings, lets just keep it that way. I'd still like you to go with me, but if you don't want to I understand." Apparently, I'm a nice drunk, but where the F does that get me?

She responded with something along the lines of "sorry to jump to conclusions like that, I wanted to make sure. I really like hanging out with you too, just don't want you to feel like I'm taking advantage of you."

Anyways, she agrees to go so that's going to happen...I'm fine with that, but it's the rest of our friendship/relationship/whatever the mess is I'm worried about. We've talked and texted in the mean time about whatever, so we're still on good terms. In fact, I am sure I can play it off to make it not awkward for her. But, that doesn't say anything for me since I both still have feelings for her and value our friendship. I'd very much like to keep her around as a friend, but on the other hand, if she really has no mutual feelings for me, then what's the point? Being around her is just going to kill me unless I can get over my feelings for her.

*Another confusing note to add, one night during the trip we both had too much to drink and she kept trying to make out with me. This was only after I knew her for a week and I didn't really want it to happen that way, so I just turned my cheek and held on to her while she proceeded to sloppily kiss my face for a while. I did give her a few soft kisses on the cheek, etc. She ended up getting sick at the end of the night, and like the nice guy I am, I took care of her, walked her home, and put her in bed.

I'm still puzzled on why she declined - I really thought I was in ftw. She seemed like she'd just been waiting for me to make a move, but apparently wtf do I know?

Have I elaborated enough? What do you think?

[Been there!]

Oh my God, your going through exactly what I did like ten years ago. I had the same situation happen with who was then and still is now, my best friend. He had a thing for me and it probably developed from spending so much time together and having a lot of the same interests. I didn't share the same feelings and I told him that. In your situation I would maybe take a little space from her, text or talk on the phone, but limit your face to face time. If she's not into and doesn't act on any false feelings than you will get over her. I would definitely take some time apart and take some other girls out. You just need someone to occupy your time.

Hope this helps,
Been there!

[FNM]

if she really has no mutual feelings for me, then what's the point? Being around her is just going to kill me unless I can get over my feelings for her.

You've more or less nailed it here. If you want to be her boyfriend, but she doesn't want to be your girlfriend, then it's probably best to stop hanging around with her/talking to her so much. After all, if you really do have no chance of being with her, there's no point flogging a dead horse, it'll just hurt to be friends with her knowing you can't have her. I'm not completely saying she doesn't like you or that you don't have a shot though. Basically, you have to figure out whether you have a decent chance of winning her over. Baring the 'confusing note' and the fact you were inseparable on your trip in mind, I'd say you aren't barking up the wrong tree at all. If you think you've got a chance, go for it - don't waste time getting yourself deeper into the 'friend-zone'. I don't mean ask her out plain and simple, just flirt with her more and do the typical stuff that people do when they want to be with someone. I know the 'friend-zone' may be a bit cliche, but you want her to see you as a potential boyfriend, not just another friend like all her girl mates.