Could You Lend Me Some Advice Please?

[Sam98210]

Hello,

This problem has been playing on my mind and I have been getting very little sleep recently. I am only 17 so this is probably going to sound a bit pathetic compared to the normal stuff you get on here. This is quite complicated and I'll try to explain it as clearly as possible.

Basically I met this girl who is very beautiful and intelligent at a party and I thought we really hit it off for a first meet; we ended up holding hands, going out for a walk together, playing footsies, flirtatious touching etc. No kissing unfortunately all in one-night, keeping in mind that I had never met this girl as I have come in to my year at school from another school. It all went great I even overheard her talking to her friend’s v.postivley about the whole thing. I thought I stood a really good chance with this girl but I decided I would wait for a day till I sent a friend request on Facebook to her, but to my surprise she had sent me a request the day after the party. I accepted it feeling like I really had a chance with her, I immediately asked her out on a date to my shock she replied that she would love to but she had "been seeing a guy" for a while. I later found out this relationship was on the rocks, they have broken up and made up over a long period he had dumped her by text before and not only is the relationship unstable, there was very little contact between them apart from school (we all attend two single sex grammar school's so we are not even in the same classes but the girls and boys schools are next to each other) and the occasional visit.

It was a bit awkward for a while, but I kept talking to her we agreed to meet up at a beach and have lunch, she told me she was still undecided and she did not want to dump this guy over one night, fair enough. She then sent me a message out of the blue saying that she was really attracted to me and that we seemed to get on so well, but she would 'never' split with this guy because it 'devastated' her last time he broke up with her, but she still wanted to be friends and she still wanted to go to the beach with me, she got a bit upset when I said that I wasn't sure about the whole of seeing each other at the beach which I thought was strange.

Then what we did at the party came up in a conversation and it turns out that she doesn’t remember anything and I mean nothing between us, (which everyone I have talked to thinks is very strange because what she drunk was certainly not enough for a blackout of this measure basically everyone has told me she told me a load of BS), excluding our walk where we only had a conversation, I wanted to get to know her better as a person at that point I find this so odd as this is pretty much the only moment where we didn't do anything inappropriate considering she had a boyfriend, but she remembered that I was a lot more to drink than her which is true but I still had complete recollection of the party. After talking I got a mutual friend to back my account of events- which he did, I then sent her a really long account of what I can remember, she denied most of it she said I had made some of the stuff up got v.upset and removed me as a friend on Facebook .

I left it 2-weeks before I contacted her again, mainly because I didn't want her to say anything to any other girls which may ruin my chances with them. The message basically said I was sorry for what has happened and I didn't want it to ruin a friendship. She replied we should forget the whole thing and start afresh and be friends. I thought to myself that was that window cleared and I probably wouldn't talk to her again very often (she really hurt me when she disbanded me completely), the next thing I know she has started a chat window in Facebook thinking the next day she was being friendly I went along with it, this has developed to us chatting regularly for around an hour and a half each time for 3-weeks (I never started the conversations as I was still unsure that she wanted to talk to me because she felt sorry for me) needless to say I started to fall for her again and I have been able to find out lots more about her which is lovely, the subject then came up about to Coldplay and we discovered that we shared a favourite band (we have lots in common with each other). I then said that I loved the piano and I have always wanted to learn how to play; well it turns out that she has been playing the piano since she was little and has lots of Coldplay sheet music, the entire conversation sounded like a script for a beginning of a romantic film everything clicked. She then tells me she would like to teach me in her free-time for free, her reasoning for this is because she 'likes to boss people about *with a sticking-out tounge smiley*'' which I don't understand because bossiness is certainly not one of her traits she has shown me, I think I am quite a good judge of character as well. I said yes and we have agreed when we get back from the holidays she is going to book me a piano at school and she will teach me how to play some of Coldplay's music together.

Now I have never had a friend who is as friendly as she is and this has made me confused. I have already got lots of advice from my parents and my friends my Dad tells me she is a "psycho" and he "wouldn't touch her with a barge pole" which I think frankly is a load of rubbish, because he has very little relationship skills and he can't even trust my step-mum who he is married to. I only see him during the holidays as I live with my Mum, but I can't help him having an effect on my decision process he is my Dad after all. Basically I would really appreciate any advice, should I get my hopes up? Is she being friendly or is she mucking me about? What should I do next? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

Sam

[IncognitoSir]

She flat out told you she would never leave her dude for you. Not to mention she left you out to dry with her "I dont remember" routine.She wasnt drunk, she didnt black out, and she flat out lied about it. She's playing you. Using you to fill in the gaps that her bf cant. She loves your attention and she gives you JUST enough attention to keep you coming back. Don't get your hopes up because she's just gonna let you down.......again.

[Sam98210]

How do I deal with this IncognitoSir? I mean she is a nice girl under this I don't want to upset her, should I just continue to speak to her and just keep telling myself that there is no reason to get my hopes up?

[nerdy_guy]

If she's keeping an unstable relationship then she herself is quite unstable. Have you ever thought that she might just be nice to you because she needs you from time to time? It looks like you're the one propping up her boyfriend's love. she loves him and you provide the love he fails to give her. that is messed up. If being a friend is hard for you, then I suggest you back out of the whole situation. Don't go forward with it.

[IncognitoSir]

You want more than a friendship yes? She WILL NOT GIVE YOU THIS. To pursue her now would just be torture for your poor lil heart. You'de like to keep her close "just in case" some day she decides you're what she wants. You've got to think of yourself as someone worth more than a possibility. I'd advise you to distance yourself from her a bit. If you CAN do the friend thing then great but if you're actually "falling" for her then cut her loose. She's like chasing a feather in a tornado, she'll come out ok, but you'll get wrecked.

[girl68]

Leave her alone. Note that when you leave her alone she'll come running back. Why? because she wants you affection and attention! But don't mistake that want for a desire to be with you. She will not. I think you should leave her alone and not speak to her anymore. If she speaks to you be polite but do not engage her.

[cheeze_guy]

Get as far away from this girl as possible like you say you don't wanna **** up chances with other girls... go for the other girls and worry about your own feelings

[cmacattack1]

I know you just met her and are smitten with that first impression, but you can't ignore the clear immaturity of it all. She did something that was wrong (flirted it up with you) while dating another guy and then lied about it to cover her tracks. If she didn't want that kind of negative publicity, she shouldn't have done it at all. Now we all make mistakes, but the fact that she isn't owning up to it and taking responsibility speaks volumes of the character. Then she leaves you alone but then comes to you whenever she wants some attention, all the while her relationship is on the rocks and she is only staying in it because she's afraid of the pain she felt when he dumped her the first time? None of this adds up one bit. At least adding up to you getting what you want out of it anyway.

I can't help but feel like you are the transition guy, the guy she is trying to gradually move to while she emotionally checks out of her relationship that she is so afraid to leave. While maybe you don't care as long as she comes to you, it just isn't a good position to be in. You are that rebound guy and are helping her out by being a cushion more than anything when she can't just be honest how she feels and end things altogether. I don't think you want this kind of behavior in a girl, and even if you don't care now, if anything more serious were to happen in the future, this is not the kind of behavior you want to have to deal with.

I would probably distance yourself for your own good. While I'm sure she is a special girl, I feel like you are getting played. You are going to do what you want to though, and if this comes back and bites you in the ass, I don't want to be the one to say I told you so. She already hurt you already and you guys aren't even serious. That's a proven failure in my mind already.