you think my boyfriend is controlling?

[cmacattack1]

Hopefully you have learned alot from this experience and from the really sound advice you have gotten from the rational, intelligent people this forum has. I was entertained from page one to five but I kind of lost my steam to keep reading. It seems like every single day you had something to complain about or had to assert some kind of technique for fear of being controlled and walked all over. It reminded me of my ex's friend, who makes a huge fit over everything her boyfriend did or her friends did for that matter (Queen Bee syndrome?) and actually told my ex to "train" me. Like everything was a battle to keep leverage in the relationship. This is not what love is, and this is not what relationships are about. Playing games to make him "see how I feel" is not very good either. I don't know much about relationships but I know these for a fact.

And my ex was a bit mellow and I did walk on her, albeit not intentionally. She did communicate to me, I didn't listen, she stayed longer in it longer than she should have and she was the pissed off one at the end like it was all my fault that she did. You aren't liking how you are treated and you've already tried talking? It doesn't work? You take action. It's really simple as that.

I found alot of your concepts lilcutie to be more of "what you think girlfriends and boyfriend should do" and less about "what relationships are about." Yeah, there are certain things you should do (basics: communication, fidelity, etc.) but nobody is going to fit a perfect cookie cutter boyfriend mold you have conceived. There is going to have to be some tweaks to what you are looking for, what you want, what you are willing to give a shot that is only going to come with experience, maturing, and figuring out what it is about the other person that is truly important to you.

Is this guy a "one"? Probably not, and definitely not at this stage in his life. But this is a valuable learning experience. Take it and move forward.

Thank God the Hills have finally concluded the series.

[nerdy_guy]

Hopefully you have learned alot from this experience and from the really sound advice you have gotten from the rational, intelligent people this forum has. I was entertained from page one to five but I kind of lost my steam to keep reading. It seems like every single day you had something to complain about or had to assert some kind of technique for fear of being controlled and walked all over. It reminded me of my ex's friend, who makes a huge fit over everything her boyfriend did or her friends did for that matter (Queen Bee syndrome?) and actually told my ex to "train" me. Like everything was a battle to keep leverage in the relationship. This is not what love is, and this is not what relationships are about. Playing games to make him "see how I feel" is not very good either. I don't know much about relationships but I know these for a fact.

The one in bold; I actually told her that she'll be training him like a dog, and sooner or later, would be dominating over him.

[Mish]

So that's it? That's the conclusion at page 9, that lil53 is having huge, raging fits over nothing?

I came to that conclusion back at page 3

[nerdy_guy]

So that's it? That's the conclusion at page 9, that lil53 is having huge, raging fits over nothing?

I came to that conclusion back at page 3

You needed 3 pages to figure it out? tsk tsk tsk

[lilxcutie53]

I just wanted advice...and then once nerdy was helping me out I was just bring up situations because his advice was really good. better then what I was hearing from my friends or parents. I dont want to be that girl that gets walked over so I was trying to figure everything out.

[lahnnabell]

Still OP, we're kinda feeling that this guy isn't worth all the trouble you've already gone to. He's going to be in training for a while yet.

[IndiReloaded]

Actually, you are now using NG as an emotional tampon. He's kind enough (amused, more like) to let you but you have more than enough advice to decide what to do. As I said, now you are just addicted to the drama and the fact that someone, ANYONE will still talk to you about this. But you don't realize that by continuing to post like this here you are actually avoiding dealing with the person you should be discussing all this with. Your BF. Or soon to be ex, or whatever.

@ NG, unless you are planning to e-steal this gal away from her BF and hook up, you should stop feeding her e-monster.

[nerdy_guy]

I just wanted advice...and then once nerdy was helping me out I was just bring up situations because his advice was really good. better then what I was hearing from my friends or parents. I dont want to be that girl that gets walked over so I was trying to figure everything out.

You're making me sound very old.

[lilxcutie53]

lol! how old are you!?! We talked about stuff tonight & I think were gonna take a break while he's gone. He says that he doesn't want to, but realistically...if we take a break and its meant to be then it will happen on its own, plus him and I both need some growing to do. I get very stressed out easily..I really dont like drama as much as it may seem. I actually would rather avoid confrontation with people and just let things go with the flow, but I kinda realized that after a while of me doing that in my relationship it wasn't working, so I took another approach. and your right about the whole dominating thing, but at the same time..after awhile of asking someone not to do something and they keep doing it...its reallly not worth it.

[lahnnabell]

If you take this break, don't give him the comfortable illusion that you're going to get back together definitely. Like you said, go with it. Don't rush things. So many people screw up these "breaks" by barely getting through one week of singledom before they're right back in each other's arms. Be stronger than that. You don't NEED him in the way that you need oxygen, especially if he's providing you with so much BS.

Give him some time to think about you and how much you mean to him. He can't see all that when you're waiting around for him.

[lilxcutie53]

If you take this break, don't give him the comfortable illusion that you're going to get back together definitely. Like you said, go with it. Don't rush things. So many people screw up these "breaks" by barely getting through one week of singledom before they're right back in each other's arms. Be stronger than that. You don't NEED him in the way that you need oxygen, especially if he's providing you with so much BS.

Give him some time to think about you and how much you mean to him. He can't see all that when you're waiting around for him.

Yah, I told him that I wasnt planning on breaking up with him, but that I didnt want to deal with his BS esp when we are in a LDR. and then he got all defensive because he thought that I was trying to tell him that there is someone better out there. and I told him "look..if were fighint over the phone 5 out of the 7 days were talking..its not worth us staying together. I dont want to break up with you, but its not worth it if that happens.
lets say I got a job somewhere and had to move..then I would do it. not wait around. and he said to me that if we did ever go on a break then who knows maybe we will be together later on in life. If we do go on a break then yes I would tell him that when he comes home we will see where things are.

I know you gave me some suggestions, but what else can you think of that would help me be strong in my decision?

I

[nerdy_guy]

1. lol! how old are you!?!
2. its reallly not worth it.

1. Just enough to be an older brother. You make me feel like I'm old enough to be your uncle or worse... your grandpa
How old did you think I am anyway?!
2. Couldn't have said it better myself. Took the words right out of my mouth.

[lilxcutie53]

1. Just enough to be an older brother. You make me feel like I'm old enough to be your uncle or worse... your grandpa
How old did you think I am anyway?!
2. Couldn't have said it better myself. Took the words right out of my mouth.

Maybe like 30? You seem to know a lot about relationships...

Hey when guys forget something like i.e calling, etc. do they ACTUALLY forget? and then when their gf confronts them it flusters, bc they aactualy forgot and its like "what the hell? why is she mad at me?" which is why men think all girls are crazy? and then when they find out that it bothers you, they deliberately do it...?

[nerdy_guy]

Good estimate Just don't compare me to your parents. They're a lot older than me

[lilxcutie53]

Good estimate Just don't compare me to your parents. They're a lot older than me

hahaha my mom is a control freak and I no way want to be that type of gf/wife...soooooo its hard to ask her for advice..so I resort to these sorta places. lol! :-P

and you didnt answer my question..hmmmmmm