Old high school "friend" contacted me via Facebook - am I being naive or jaded?

[Raze]

I recently had a man I went to high school with contact me via Facebook. We have several friends on Facebook in common, so I'm sure that's how he got on to my profile in the first place. While I know who he is, we weren't "friends" in high school. We basically just went to the same small, private school. He was one grade ahead of me, so that would make him around 38 or so.

Okay, so he pretty much stalked you. FACEBOOK STALKER!

When he contacted me, I added him as kind of a knee jerk reaction. I figured I'd never hear from him or he might comment on something I posted, etc.

Well, I got a message from him either the day he added me or the day after. Since then, he's messaged me or asked me to chat or commented on something I posted nearly every day.

Aren't you special.

Am I being weird and sensitive or is this guy trying to have an affair (or something like that) with me? I hate to be one of those women who thinks every guy is out to bang her, but that's the feeling I get. He is well aware I am married, and wrote something to the effect of, "If hubby is okay with it, do you want to go out dancing with me next time I am in town?"

Are you a troll or something or are you just really stupid?

Now, I'm going to get a newspaper and hit you with it. NNNO! NNNNO!!!!

[cancankant]

Okay, so he pretty much stalked you. FACEBOOK STALKER!

Okay, I probably deserved some of what you said, but how is it stalking to look up an old classmate? I get "suggestions" for old classmates all the time based on my other friends. Some I add, others I don't add. At first it was refreshing that one of my old classmates didn't turn into a staunch conservative and could actually enjoy things like rock music and tattoos. He's not a bad looking guy, so there's "redemption" for me, too.

I agree that it's gotten out of hand. Someone who was truly "stupid" would still be thinking this dude wanted to be "just friends". I'm thinking about closing my Facebook account because this shit is more trouble than it's worth, honestly.

Thanks for the input, though.

[Raze]

Okay, I probably deserved some of what you said, but how is it stalking to look up an old classmate? I get "suggestions" for old classmates all the time based on my other friends. Some I add, others I don't add. At first it was refreshing that one of my old classmates didn't turn into a staunch conservative and could actually enjoy things like rock music and tattoos. He's not a bad looking guy, so there's "redemption" for me, too.

I agree that it's gotten out of hand. Someone who was truly "stupid" would still be thinking this dude wanted to be "just friends". I'm thinking about closing my Facebook account because this shit is more trouble than it's worth, honestly.

Thanks for the input, though.

You're married and he wants to get together with you and being handsome makes the situation right? WTF?

Edit: Forgot to add, you don't have to change your facebook, just don't talk to him.

[cancankant]

No, it doesn't "make it right". I just said that's most likely why I was initially flattered. Who wouldn't be? I bet if my husband got an email from some hot chick from high school, he'd respond as well. There's a reason there's a saying, "Flattery will get you everywhere."

I realize this is tongue in cheek, but it's true. Another poster had mentioned redemption from HS. I was really picked on in high school by most people. I didn't really date anyone until I changed high schools. The people I went to school with at the private school were classist jerks. They didn't "get" me because I was a little different (read "sort of rock and roll" when most people were super preppy).

It's no excuse and it's something I acknowledge. This isn't the first time this has happened with former classmates, but the other times were before I was married. I actually dated one of the guys who made my life hell because after high school, he changed into a better person. I did have to call him out on it, though because him & his crew were WAY out of line.

Edit: Forgot to add, you don't have to change your facebook, just don't talk to him.

I've got it set up so he doesn't see when I post, so hopefully he just moves on. I was thinking about introducing him to my bat shit crazy friend and see if he likes her better (most guys do...go figure!!!). Then he'd be out of my hair.

[IndiReloaded]

Indie -

I get what you're saying. I've blocked him from seeing anything I post on Facebook.

I'll admit it's flattering to be called "hot" and "cool" (as in style). I DON"T get that from my husband. We've been together a long time and no, I have not let myself go. He's just comfortable, the way guys (and women) get comfortable. I tell my husband he's good looking, dresses nice, is a great guy, etc. ALL the time. He rarely does this for me. I can get dressed to the nines, and it's no big deal. I also don't have many friends because I spend 99% of my free time with my husband. He's also not into tattoos (he doesn't mind mine, but he doesn't really care one way or another about them, either).

I'm not interested in anyone else but him, though, so you're right. I should just delete the old classmate & get it over. I'm not really friends with anyone I went to school with except a couple of people (who happen to be guys) and they have never made inappropriate comments.

Thanks for the advice and for confirming what I felt. This guy is up to no good.

Good. Now all you need to do is tell your husband to get on here so we can e-smack him. He shouldn't be neglecting such a sensible, beautiful lady.

FWIW, I've been with mine for 20 years, so I can relate. I'm just a bit older than you. In my case, I let it get to the point where an old family friend started to get just a bit too chummy. Don't go there. Its really not worth the hassle, especially since your only real connection with this guy is you happened to breathe the same airspace for a few years. You can ignore or kick him to the curb (if necessary) with impunity. Use this minor incident as a wake-up call that you need to tell your hubby to start paying more attention to you.

[workoutgirl1970]

I know just how HE feels. I contacted an old boyfriend and mentioned going for coffee and commented on one picture and got accused of stalking him and wanting to have an affair with him. I emailed him twice and commented on one pic and never mentioned anything about sex and definitely never flirted. If I wanted that I would have said that but I am also happily married. I am a flirt but its harmless and it doesn't bother me when someone else does. I would just tell him that you are happily married and no to the dancing unless you double with him and a date and you and your husband, that is an idea. Flirting is harmless, acting out is something all together.

[cancankant]

workingoutgirl1970 - I hear what you are saying, too. I am going to just ignore him. This is way more than a few posts. If he had asked me to join him for a coffee with my husband or him and a girlfriend/wife, that would be one thing, and I NEVER accused him of stalking me either online or in person. I feel like I have to change the way I post on FB because of him, honestly, because if I post anything risque, he is right on it.

I get the feeling that he is lonely, but that is not my concern. You all are right that it is not good. He doesn't live in the same city, but it's close (only 1.5 hrs away), so if he is a weirdo, then who knows?

Flirting is harmless, acting out is something all together.

It's only harmless if no one is made to feel uncomfortable by it, including your spouse. I agree your old BF overreacted if you only posted a couple of things. I am FB friends with a couple of exes and they have never said or done anything inappropriate. One of my exes is a sort of sleazy guy and he asked me to coffee and I said no because I thought he was being his sleazy self and didn't want to take the chance. I didn't accuse him of anything, though. I just declined the coffee. I know from experience that he is a cheater (he cheated on me...that's one of the reasons we broke up), so I don't trust him.

Good. Now all you need to do is tell your husband to get on here so we can e-smack him. He shouldn't be neglecting such a sensible, beautiful lady.

Thanks...I wish I knew what to do on that front. I try & try, but while he seems to enjoy my company, I frequently feel taken advantage of and taken for granted. I've told him a million times that if I do something he likes or wear clothes he likes/do my makeup how he likes, etc. to SAY something positive about it. I like getting compliments. Would it kill a person to give his wife a compliment from time to time? He does every so often (maybe every couple of months?) and seriously, it makes me wonder if he is attracted to me at all. I still am really attracted to him, but I rarely get the idea that I "turn his crank" if you know what I mean.

I guess I just find this whole situation depressing in a way. I am a naturally friendly person and get along with pretty much everybody, but I find a lot of friendships with men I know start to get sexually charged and inappropriate. I know I'm not some sex goddess or anything. Overall, other than my leanings toward rock fashion, piercings/tattoos and alternative music, I'm pretty average.

[IndiReloaded]

Did I ever mention I think FB is a complete waste of time? I used to have an account but cancelled it. This place is my only vice.

Sad, I know.

Thanks...I wish I knew what to do on that front. I try & try, but while he seems to enjoy my company, I frequently feel taken advantage of and taken for granted. I've told him a million times that if I do something he likes or wear clothes he likes/do my makeup how he likes, etc. to SAY something positive about it. I like getting compliments. Would it kill a person to give his wife a compliment from time to time? He does every so often (maybe every couple of months?) and seriously, it makes me wonder if he is attracted to me at all. I still am really attracted to him, but I rarely get the idea that I "turn his crank" if you know what I mean.

I guess I just find this whole situation depressing in a way. I am a naturally friendly person and get along with pretty much everybody, but I find a lot of friendships with men I know start to get sexually charged and inappropriate. I know I'm not some sex goddess or anything. Overall, other than my leanings toward rock fashion, piercings/tattoos and alternative music, I'm pretty average.

IMO, you are much better off unloading about this stuff in a place like this, with other married/LTR folks who will support you than letting some stalker on FB sense your need in this regard. Plus, its anonymous so you can unload w/o it getting back to your husband via FB 'friends'. This isn't a dating site and its pretty well-moderated (I think). Stick around a bit and decide for yourself. Welcome to the forum, BTW.

[raka]

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