Help me assess my relationship

[ApuApu]

I am dating my GF for four years. we fight and did all the things other couples do. Yesterday she told me that

-- > she dates me only because i care about her a lot. nothing much nothing less.
--> she is not physically attracted to me (she does not say yes when i ask her if she is attracted to me). She stopped having sex with me like 2 months ago and told me won't have sex until i get married to her.
--> she knows that i have self esteem problems. I am a 5'11" guy healthy weight, with a Bachelors, Good GPA, good future plans like Phd or pharmacist. But i lack self esteem for some reason.
--> She has a lot of guy friends (almost all of them) and she wont tell any of them that I am her boyfriend.

Now my part

--> I care about her a lot
--> I am physically attracted to her. want to have a regular physical relationship.
--> When I am with her I feel great.
--> I introduced her to my friends as my Girlfriend.
--> I have premature ejaculation so i feel no other girl except her would date me.I cant continue intercourse more then 20 sec or so.

Well I am very confused. I don't want to date someone who likes me because i care about her. Its awe full. I also want a physical relationship.I feel like i am a lame duck.

Please help me decide what to do.

[lanana.banana]

get your premature ejaculation problems sorted. theres a lot that can be done about it. if you can **** her brains out then she wont have a problem.

[QueenofCorona]

Forget her. Being with someone who says things like she does is your biggest problem. The root of your premature ejaculation may be her. I know there is a woman out there who will love you as much as you care for her and who you will feel even happier with than now. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't really want to be with you. Maybe your relationship just ran its course but don't hold on to the hand that holds you down anymore. Call her bluff and part ways at this point.

[angel2002]

Forget her. Being with someone who says things like she does is your biggest problem. The root of your premature ejaculation may be her. I know there is a woman out there who will love you as much as you care for her and who you will feel even happier with than now. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't really want to be with you. Maybe your relationship just ran its course but don't hold on to the hand that holds you down anymore. Call her bluff and part ways at this point.

Totally agree, make it my words too

[kitkitkitty]

^^ i agree, your premature ejaculation may be down to her, and to some extent your low self esteem [eg. she doesn't introduce you as her bf after 4 YEARS].
with the 'no sex til we get married' it's hard, but in a way maybe she knows you won't get married and is using that as her 'excuse'. i can't see 2 people entering into marriage if one of you already doesn't find the other one attractive.
the other problem is, is that the regular physical side can't be fulfilled by her if she's 'waiting til marriage'.
if you're thinking about staying with her it's ofcourse because you care for her but also because it's more of a habit than anything? i think you need to think about letting her go. you're sound like you're both starting to sound incompatible. also, have you asked her if she still sees you as a bf or more as a best friend?

[ApuApu]

I broke up saying that we have our differences and such. Then she called me back and told me that she did something that she did not want to do for four years (she is insinuating sex) and why I cannot overlook the problems we are having. Now she seems to forget that we had the breakup conversation and want to go to movies 1st thing in the morning. GOD! I cannot deal with this anymore. I think i made her my habit, like Kitkitkitty said. I need to break the cycle

[Enigmos]

She sounds a bit controlling. I agree that the premature ejaculation is self-esteem driven, accentuated by the fact that you're into her more than she is into you. Stay true to yourself. Don't let her be your puppetmaster.

[IncognitoSir]

Just let her go, and watch (from a distance) how the REAL her shows its ugly face. She's no good when it comes down to it. Continue with your studies and you'll meet your dream girl, especially if you go for the Phd.

[loopyloo]

I have just broken up with my fiance, who i have been with for four years. It was very hard as its a habbit to be with them and having them there, but i got to the point where i only cared about him i didnt love him. There is no point carrying on lying to yourself and others. Break away and make yourself happy. I went over and over my break up in my head and then finally did it and now i feel great.

It will be hard, but you have a lot going for you and sounds like an easy situation to get out of (i.e me and my fiance have a mortgage together etc so lots of ties) but if u can just break away then do it.Be strong in yourself!

[ApuApu]

I told my GF that i told my friends that we broke up. And that really pissed her off. She does not want to speak to me anymore. I hope I can break the habit this time. I think i am ready to move on.

[Raze]

I told my GF that i told my friends that we broke up. And that really pissed her off. She does not want to speak to me anymore. I hope I can break the habit this time. I think i am ready to move on.

Good. Eh, this kind of shit happens. Don't worry about it. Move on and live your life.

[kitkitkitty]

she's probably pissed cos she doesn't want to accept that you're not gona get back together. leave her to it and move on. surround yourself with your mates

edit: ACTUALLY she doesn't have the right to be. according to her you weren't even her boyfriend. ¬_¬

[Bella82]

Everyone's given such good advice on here! I want to say well done you, for taking care of yourself and moving on. An unhealthy relationship can have alot of negative effects on each person, both physically, emotionally and sexually. If you didn't feel attractive to her or that you measured up to what she wants, I can more than understand why you would feel comfortable with her sexually. Maybe the premature ejaculation was your body's way of saying that you wanted it over with! I guarantee you that when you find a girl that you feel attractive to, can be honest, have fun and laugh with, you won't have any problems at all in the bedroom.

Props to you again for taking care of yourself.