whats wrong with me?

[originalsince85]

hey...

i've been in serious relationships pretty much since i was 17. the last one has left me quite heartbroken, and has made me loose faith in finding 'the one'. its also made me loose a lot of faith in myself as my ex constantly lied to me and played me at the same time as another guy (6months).

i dont get what i do, or what i dont do, or whats wrong with me....or why these things happen to me?!

basically im a pretty laid back guy, easy going, im old fashioned romantic, i always treat my girl like a princess, i am giving, sweet, try to be compassionate, forgiving, understanding, im a great listener, i will get along with anyone, ive been told i am an excellent kisser, good looking, good in the bedroom, im caring, i can dress myself, good communicator etc.... yet.... my relationships fail.

i went on a date last night with a great girl who clearly didnt have any interest in me in that way, which is totally fine its not gonna happen everytime, but i wonder what im doing wrong in general?!

my last girlfriend cheated on me, the previous one actually became psychotic, previous one was really too young and did 'sexual' favours for guys on webcam, and the previous one i was dumped at 18 for not knowing what i wanted to do with the rest of my life.

and that pretty much covers it, im only 24. but i really love being with a girl, having someone to love, and talk to, having that special friendship. all ive ever wanted in life is to find that special girl, settle down, and enjoy a family life...and ive never expected these things to just fall in my lap!

i just dont get whats wrong with me and i seem to just FAIL all the time.

[SapphireBerry]

Ever heard the expression 'nice guys finish last?'
Well hey sadly, it's kind of true, my best friend is like
you except I am his first treu love interest and we dated
and I broke it off with him cuz I felt really hormonal and
had a bit of a wandering eye. He cares so much about me
and sticks by my side, I love him to pieces and everything
and am really ready to fix things and I feel like a jerk to him.
You're still young remember? You just need to get around a bit
more and don't be the chaser be the chasee if you get what I
mean. You can't devote everything to a girl. You give and take
it works both ways, if you give the girl takes and doesn't give back
its not worth it. I am a girl and have had this very similar situation
and the leading on as well which resulted in the 'other' girl bullying me.
There's is nothing wrong with us, we're still young and you sound like
you are a very mature guy and you matured alot earlier than other
guys. You need to be optimistic. Sadly, as i said before nice guys don't
always get all the luck its always the popular stuck up guys and soon
the girls will see what they should have been chasing.


Sapphire x

[originalsince85]

hey sapphire thanks for your reply!

i was actually thinking this morning of the nice guys finish last phrase, kinda sums me up. a lot of people have walked over me because i have let them. although in the past year i have definitely been trying to not let that happen....although being cheated on for 6months isnt really good proof of that haha! stupid thing is i forgave 3 times...not because im mr.nice but because i loved her so much!

i like what you said about you cant put everythign into a girl, i have spent the last 8 yars of my life giving everything i have to relationships, ive let friends down, work down, lost money, all because of girls.... although i have had some really amazing times so i can say it was worth it, and ive learnt so much.

thank you for the mature comment, ive been through a lot of stuff it feels so i guess it just does that to you... but a couple of girls my age have commented on my older manner and attitude. dont get me wrong like anyone i can be immature and definitely have my stupid moments and have plenty of fun...

hhmm, its difficult to be the chasee, its a lot harder for guys since girls hardly ever approach guys!! i would love if girls came knocking and not me!! hahaha

thanks again sapphire, i really appreciate your input. unfortunately i am a nice guy and i dont want to change that, i couldnt if i tried, so i guess ill just finished last. but its the taking part that counts right?!

xx

[SapphireBerry]

Yes I understand what you mean as well by losing a lot of things and falling behind in other social areas
or financial areas. I mean I'm still young myself & alot of my female friends no longer talk to me cuz I
always spent my time with a guy and then they started calling me a slut because I would be with another
guy and not them. And ever since I was two my dream was to become a singer and because of guys I fall
behind in living up to my dream and I also fall behind with studies because all this general life and dating gets
in my way and affects my emotionally. I am quite forgiving too, but I gave up on letting people walk over me
a long time ago, there are times you have to stand up when you feel you've been pushed over. I am a bit
of an idiot for chasing guys still to this day at 17 and not following the guy who would give me the world.
But I think soon enough you'll find a girl with the same views and opinions as you and also one that values
you. There are alot of women out there that are like that, I am deep down inside to be honest. I believe
there are more respectful women than men, but thats what I think.

[originalsince85]

haha well i wish i could find some of these women.

to be fair i spent 4yrs with the girl that became psychotic and she would have done anything for me, she loved me so much, and i really loved her but deep down inside i always knew it wasnt right. and then she had this breakdown and i stuck with it for 6months but in the end it started effecting me quite badly.

anyway. ye guess ill just have to hang tight and hope i meet someone that respects me for me. i should probably try and get over my heartbreak and sort my life out a bit before i get into another relationship!

thanks sapphire, nice to know how other people feel and see it!

[SapphireBerry]

No problem, and Don't worry alot of girls have breakdowns, I am very troubled myself
and have occasional breakdowns. We women are quite sensitive with emotions and
they can get out of hand like rapidfire. Especially at a young age, but I understand why
you felt affected by it.

[originalsince85]

well...just to give you a bit more info, she would tell me to get away from her because i was the devil, or had satan in my eyes. she could hear voices of people not actually there, constantly paranoid people were out to get her, police, friends, family, colleagues, and me. and had lost a lot of her good sense of morality. it was very unpleasant to watch someone you love fall to pieces like that. anywho, thats slightly off topic!!

[SapphireBerry]

Well its okay, she sounds like paranoid schizophrenic to be honest if she's hearing things
That is very sad, much sympathy

[SAULE]

From the sound of it, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with you. Maybe it's a sign that you should change your tastes in girls...? Or, maybe it's the way you act around the girlfriend? (ie. not always being with them, giving them enough air to breathe, and, if you wait long enough, the girl will feel the need to see you, etc. I'm not saying you're clingy though!)
Why don't you try becoming friends with them first? Get to really know them before going into a relationship with them? Once you see the ups and downs of a friend who's a girl, you can see if she really is 'the one'. If she doesn't like you that way, oh well. Try again. Of course, sticking with the method you've been using for years is okay too, though.

Good luck!