Help. I'm really confused by my ex.

[purplecupcakes]

Hi everyone! Im new here and would appreciate any advice

Sadly, I still care about my ex. I havent spoken to him in months and have only seen him around the neighborhood once or twice. Depending on who hes with he will either completely ignore me or say hi (he'll only say hello when he's by himself).

We had a horrible breakup about a year ago (him dumping me for someone else which it didnt turn out). then us being friends again to not talking again which is the current situation and has been for the past 3 or 4 months. Everything is fine except for the fact that we travel in similar social circles. We know one another is there yet, we dont see each other, EVER.

The last time we talked, Dave (my ex) told (more like screamed at me) that I was a bad person and he never wanted to speak to me ever again. He kept saying over and over again that I was crazy and needed to let our relationship go. He called me every awful name in the book and said things that were simply unforgivable...all b/c I tried talking to him about how I felt like we werent really friends this time around. We would hang out and then he would say crappy things about me behind my back (I did nothing to deserve the treatment I received but its beside the point). I respected his wishes and have left him alone since.

A mutual friend of ours just recently told me that a new girl at the place they all work was surprised to hear that we werent on good terms since whenever she works with Dave, he cannot stop talking about me. She even went as far to say that she thought he was still in love with me. Just last week my best friend gave me a book to read and said, "Dave told me to have you read this. He thought you would love it."

YET, Dave has made it clear to all my friends that he cannot "see me" or be in my presence. This has even gone so far as some of my friends texting me while theyre with him to be sure Im not at a place theyre going so he doesnt have to run into me. This is still happening, months later. I dont get it. We broke up a year ago!!! It almost seems like more trouble than to just see me and ignore me. I dont understand. Esp, when I hear he still cares.

Help guys, what does this mean?!

I miss him even though hes been awful to me, but there is no way I would ever reach out to him again. Do you think there is a sliver of hope he will eventually try to talk to me as friends again? I just miss my best friend but his behavior is totally odd and confusing.

Any advice appreciated, thanks!

[Adamd9]

[QUOTE=purplecupcakes;621680]Hi everyone! Im new here and would appreciate any advice

Hello

The last time we talked, Dave (my ex) told (more like screamed at me) that I was a bad person and he never wanted to speak to me ever again. He kept saying over and over again that I was crazy and needed to let our relationship go. He called me every awful name in the book and said things that were simply unforgivable...

Well, he probably called you in those awful names in order to get attention, thats something that only you can answer, by his character, you know him not us.
If your answer is NO, dont be around him, he can get more violent.


YET, Dave has made it clear to all my friends that he cannot "see me" or be in my presence. This has even gone so far as some of my friends texting me while theyre with him to be sure Im not at a place theyre going so he doesnt have to run into me. This is still happening, months later. I dont get it. We broke up a year ago!!! It almost seems like more trouble than to just see me and ignore me. I dont understand. Esp, when I hear he still cares.

QUOTE]

He trying to aviod you in order not to waken old feeling i guess, well that what i would of if i still be love a woman, and she's not mine
its seems that he have feeling for you, and his ego is too big to do someting about it.

you need to ask yourself what do you want, you want him to be your's again? do you realy want him, or you just miss the memory of him, and if he good for you?

[lovefool87]

Sounds like Dave feels guilty about ya'lls past and needs someone with balls (namely you) to call the shots because he doesn't know whether he is coming or going. I'd say try to talk to him again, but make it clear in the beginning that you don't want drama or hysterics! If he blows up and gets all upset, ask him why he is getting so emotional when you just want to be friends with him.

I think he is the crazy one who needs to get over y'alls relationship.

[purplecupcakes]

Thanks for the responses guys. The thing is, I would try to talk to him again, but I am literally afraid of how he will react. I feel that in my heart, the right thing to do is wait it out and let him come to me since he was the one who told me he never wanted to have anything to do with me again. If he never does, I should maybe take that as a sign that it wasn't meant to be.

All I know is that if I told someone I loved that I never wanted to talk to them ever again and then changed my mind, I would know that I would have to be the one to say something. I mean right?

If he wants to apologize and misses me that badly, do you think he will eventually break the silence?

[lahnnabell]

Like someone else said, this guy doesn't know if he's coming or going. He's probably quite emotionally immature and needs this time to sort his head out. It takes guys a lot longer, sadly.

[returnofthezro]

do you have a thing for taking punishment? why would you consider going back to someone who treated you so badly? shows a lack of self respect when you keep tying to go back to someone who said he doesnt want anything to do with you

how old are you guys? surely by this stage, if he liked you, he should have the balls to tell you or at least refrain from hurling insults at you, as a male i would say he doesnt like you - i wouldnt insult a girl that i liked, defeats the purpose, if he actually does like you and acts this way....well i have no logical explanation for that, he might have some estrogen in him

i say, move on, have an ounce of self respect and stop trying to be with someone who from his actions doesnt want the same, dont waste anymore of your time, just my 2 cents

[NewStart]

This might not be what you want to hear. It might be time to fully move on (each of you, with your own lives) and just stop talking to each other. Whether he has feelings for you or not (based on comments by his co-worker), you need to do what is best for you. Clearly, getting yelled at, treated like a yo-yo (up and down emotional swings on his part), or being otherwise trash-talked and misled, are not acceptable. Do yourself a favour, and ditch this jerk. He's not your boyfriend any more, and he sure doesn't sound like a friend. Don't waste another ounce of your energy getting sucked into his drama. Move forward into a fulfilling, mutually respectful relationship with someone else.

[purplecupcakes]

Thanks for all of the advice. We are actually older than you'd think. Im 27 and he is 34. I was his first major relationship in over 10 years...hes not exactly "normal" when it comes to relationships for lack of a better word so him not apologizing goes with the territory.

I am going to lay low for now, continue to move on and accept this for what it is. He is also seeing a 21 yr old from what Ive heard. Its just hard bc we have all the same friends. I wish things could be different.