Need Advice on an Affair

[zonay]

Dear mmsmith1977,

I am really glad that you see your situation as a problem and want to improve it. You are admitting where you went wrong and that's the first step of correcting anything. I'd just like to mention that infidelity, as I see it, is taken from the word infidel that means one who denies God and disobeys Him. And generally it is so believed that when you cheat you are actually accountable to your partner. However, in actual you are accountable to God only. Even if some one is Atheist, they are not accountable to anyone. The only reason everyone is suggesting you to confide in your husband is the moral obligation of your relationship.
However, I'd suggest you to first cleanse your mind completely. Confessing to him wouldn't mean anything if you are still not ready for working on this marriage. You know what you should do, none of us have felt the amount of loneliness and pain you felt when you went looking for the second guy, none of us had to divide themselves between two men at the same time, and none of us are feeling the emptiness or confused state of mind that you are in right now. So I think, you know whats the BEST for you. You just need to focus on your future life and think what are your feelings for your husband. Of course you love him as you said, but clearly this love is a lot selfish. Don't keep him at your disposal. If you think the *spark* has just died down between the two of you, may be it's time to just move on. And TRUST ME on this one, when one love leaves it's time for another love to come :-)
you'll obviously have to suffer, because nothing goes unrewarded in this world, but if you are genuinely sorry you will feel better again very soon :-)

[fi123]

I was once told by a relationship counsellor that you shouldn't confess to emotional cheating if you want to save a relationship just to unload yourself and to unload the guilt onto them. They said this was because all long term relationships go through stages where one of the partners is more in love with the other, and at the times when one is less in love, maybe through neglect by the other partner, emotional affairs can happen. That said, that doesn't mean that the one who had the emotional affair will not become more in love with their partner in future times and never consider an emotional affair at those times. They said it was because longterm relationships have twists and turns like that, it is not always so black and white that you feel totally in love with your partner all the time.

I'm not necessarily saying that's my point of view, i'm just relating this relationship counsellor's opinion.

[RdHrshyKss]

I was once told by a relationship counsellor that you shouldn't confess to emotional cheating if you want to save a relationship just to unload yourself and to unload the guilt onto them. They said this was because all long term relationships go through stages where one of the partners is more in love with the other, and at the times when one is less in love, maybe through neglect by the other partner, emotional affairs can happen. That said, that doesn't mean that the one who had the emotional affair will not become more in love with their partner in future times and never consider an emotional affair at those times. They said it was because longterm relationships have twists and turns like that, it is not always so black and white that you feel totally in love with your partner all the time.

I'm not necessarily saying that's my point of view, i'm just relating this relationship counsellor's opinion.

i would say that isn't an excuse. if you are married to someone, you should be able to tell them everything and anything that you are feeling. the OP should have approached her husband when she was having her meandering thoughts, BEFORE she acted on them. and if after discussing them, her husband was little concerned or showed little interest in working things out with her, then she should have left. then she would have been free to mess around as she saw fit.

cheating is just a selfish and horrible thing to do to someone.

[fi123]

Yes i guess there should have been an effort to sort things out before it got to that stage, and myself, when i have been really really in love in a longterm relationship i haven't ever had any wandering thoughts like that. I might come across someone i find attractive, but it stops there.