Need Advice

[middleman]

I've been in a live-in relationship for nearly 3 years now. The person I'm partnered with is basically good, but very prone to outbursts of temper when seemingly insignificant things go wrong. For example, to think of a few, locking her keys in the car....you would have thought it was my fault the way I was yelled at.....becoming frustrated on a website resulted in another outburst toward me I had nothing to do with.....then last night the oven burned some of her baking and maybe I accidentally bumped the dial on the oven but it was not intentional. You'd have thought I burned the house down.

I don't understand this behavior at all. We go along fine for a week or so then out of the blue, bam, an outburst about something fairly trivial. I consider myself a level headed person but am getting worn out with this behavior and don't want to live like this. There is a pattern developing of this sort of thing.

I do care about this person but feel this is almost clinical. I am feeling like throwing in the towel. In between these outburst things aren't too bad, but then it happens again. Any comments out there?

[jakki2903]

I've been in a live-in relationship for nearly 3 years now. The person I'm partnered with is basically good, but very prone to outbursts of temper when seemingly insignificant things go wrong. For example, to think of a few, locking her keys in the car....you would have thought it was my fault the way I was yelled at.....becoming frustrated on a website resulted in another outburst toward me I had nothing to do with.....then last night the oven burned some of her baking and maybe I accidentally bumped the dial on the oven but it was not intentional. You'd have thought I burned the house down.

I don't understand this behavior at all. We go along fine for a week or so then out of the blue, bam, an outburst about something fairly trivial. I consider myself a level headed person but am getting worn out with this behavior and don't want to live like this. There is a pattern developing of this sort of thing.

I do care about this person but feel this is almost clinical. I am feeling like throwing in the towel. In between these outburst things aren't too bad, but then it happens again. Any comments out there?

Hi, is there any more to it then just these outbursts??

[middleman]

Hi, is there any more to it then just these outbursts??

Hi Jakki, thanks for your reply. In answer to your question, just an inability to deal with stress in some way I'm trying to understand. It's like the frustration she feels just overwhelms her to the point she melts down. I've tried to discuss the "why" of this happening with her and she doesn't know herself. I've tried to talk about it with her but I'm about talked out trying to understand it. It keeps happening, maybe once or twice a week lately and I just don't get it? Getting yelled at for no apparent reason except she is frsutrated scares me to the point I think I'm wanting out.

[Cybog]

Has she seen a psychiatrist / psychologist lately?

There is a good chance she has either a chemical imbalance or perhaps a history of physical/emotional abuse.

It is generally easy to hide for awhile, but emotional breakdowns and outbursts like these are generally due to something you should be able to pinpoint.

Chances are, she will go nuts if you suggest therapy, but nonetheless, the treatment that you are recieving will only get worse unless you take preventive measures soon.

[middleman]

Has she seen a psychiatrist / psychologist lately?

There is a good chance she has either a chemical imbalance or perhaps a history of physical/emotional abuse.

It is generally easy to hide for awhile, but emotional breakdowns and outbursts like these are generally due to something you should be able to pinpoint.

Chances are, she will go nuts if you suggest therapy, but nonetheless, the treatment that you are recieving will only get worse unless you take preventive measures soon.

I appreciate your reply. She was on an anti-depressant for an early time in our relationship, but let it go when we met. Maybe I just don't understand depression well enough? I was definitely depressed myself after a divorce, but in time it passed. It's hard to imagine something that just won't go away like that? I don't want to be a jerk, but I am nervous, to say the least, of continuing on with issues that may never go away? Part of me wants to help this person, the other part says I'd like a naturally balanced person. Part of my baggage is I spent 15 years married to a person who I have great kids with, but the marriage itself was something of a great waste of time. So, naturally I don't want to get involved in something like that again. I'm sorting this stuff out now, and good advice does help! THANKS!

[Heddy]

Hmm this isn't a problem i think you can fix she needs to see a counceller it's a personal problem. have you talked to her about it? If you do explain how you feel and tell her that you really care about her but you don't like this characteristic and ask if she could work on changing it with your help. It'll be hard to bring up without getting her all offended though but i have to go to work now i'll think about it for you and see what i can come up with

[imokurnot]

I agree she needs a counselor. My ex left me and she just started seeing a counselor and the counselor sent her to a psych because she coudn't prescribe the anti-depressants or not ones that were strong enough. Same type of behavior with the blowing up over trivial things and directing her anger at me. My luck the anti-deppresants will work and I spent 7 years while she was a bi*c* or I mean, angry person at times. Mine even tells me that it isn't very fair to me that she is in counseling and on medication after spending 7 yrs with me and not working on herself at all even though I had asked her and even said I would go with her if necessary. That is the part that kills me, what if she is happy now with the new guy and thinks all the unhappy times were my fault? Nothing I can do about it but it sure sucks to think about that. So try to approach her with it just so you know you tried everything to salvage the relationship.

What does she say if you tell her you think she is over reacting and it's not the end of the world or nobody got killed during these outburst and hug her? Mine would push me away if I tried to hug her and say it's ok, nothing we can't fix or whatever. I am curious how she reacts to that type of action or communication from you during these outbursts.