What's your take on this

[kalen]

Hello,

In a previous post of mine , i said that my girlfriend left for portugal for two weeks with a multinational group on some kind of poor cultural exchange program.
The thing is , in that group there is a guy from the same city we live in that she met before she left, because of a policy that they should have met eachother before hand and do some projects together.

So, she said that he was annoying her. Then after a while, we went out with a friend of hers and his girlfriend. That friend was having a pretty baseless argument with his girlfriend about her cheating and stuff, more like in a pseudo-joking manner. We made a bit of fun of him, and eventually he said 2 things that got me thinking. "She's not faithful" and "Do you know the guy she is leaving with?". She didn't say anything, she just looked a bit disgusted or sad or stuff. It seemed that he was just trying to rile me , as I gave him the impression that I didn't believe him and he was trying to get me for making fun of him. (And he seems the type to do that)
So after that, I went with my girlfriend for a walk and then sat on a bench and talked about random things. Then at one moment , I asked her why that dude said what he said. She replied with a "I don't know, i guess that's his idea of a bad joke", then she reassured me that she wasn't cheating on me and stuff without being offensive nor defensive or whatever. And when i asked her what he looked like she said, "meh, i guess he's kinda cute". Well, I dropped the subject.

A couple of days after she was pretty amused on messenger and she told me that that dude was gay and sent me a picture with him holding another guy by the neck at the seaside. I told her that the picture didn't seem that gay, but she enthusiatically stated that "dude, he's holding him around the neck , that's gay". I finally pretended that I believed her.

She has never not extensively replied to one of my messages before she left.

Then , she left and a few days later (we talked only a little after she left, the international costs are pretty big on her side like 20cents per minute when I call her, and 30 cents per message she sends me) I sent her a message "So after all is that guy gay?". She said "Well, I saw a picture of his girlfriend on the phone (his phone i guess), so i guess not. He might be bi, but who knows.".
Then the same day , I called her and among other things i asked her again if that guy was gay (as in in the manner of "evolve the subject a bit"). She said "do you really want to talk about this right now?". I didn't want to push the subject on the phone or through messages. I prefer face to face talks.

So, ever since she left, she logged in on Ymessenger twice through the phone and the first time , the discussion was really short. She said that she had a bit of time to eat something and then "well, i gotta go. new people and stuff". I was ok.
Then two days later I called her at about 6'o'clock her time, and we talked for a bit , she said that she was really horny and needed to ****, and that she thinks she will go mad until she returns. And then we talked for a small bit and I was running out of credit and she said that she doesn't really feel like talking much because she is tired.

Then , I called her again after two days and she said she was rehearsing a play (they apparently have some workshops) and we talked for a really really small bit. Then I told her to give me a sign when she is free so we could talk a bit because we haven't talked for real since she left. She logged in on Ymess later, and her net was really crappy. So I told her I'd call her , and I called her.
She said that she's having a headache, that some of the people there annoyed her and stuff , and after a really small while when she intermittently talked to a girl in english who was asking her to join the group and she said she wouldn't, that her phone is running out of battery and she needs some of it to call her mother (she wasn't at the hotel and couldn't recharge it).

Then the next day , today meaning , I sent her a message, she replied, and then I tried to call her , and she rejected my call. So I messaged her again about "everything ok? why do you keep everything so short" (not like that exactly, but that's the general idea). She replied with "Well, I'm socializing a lot , and it's tiresome and I'm not in the mood for more socializing. Don't go desperate on me".
We exchanged another two messages and that's it.

The thing is she says that she's always extremely busy and stuff. And she always acts like she acts when she's having a bad day. Like she sometimes is distant, sometimes not, but she never seems to be fully in the mood to talk.

Before she left, she's never lied to me (or I never caught her lying to me), we saw eachother very often, and it was nice.
But her current behaviour gets me thinking. She says she loves me and that she misses me a lot, but I can't help feeling something is wrong. As in, she is too sketchy.

But she never expressed any interest for another man or flirted with since we've been together. She was friendly , but when he started hitting on her she would cut him off instantly.

I know I'm being too clingy and stuff tho. But , what's your take on all of this if you had the patience to read it all? I just need some outside oppinions on something I feel is fishy.


I'd wait and settle it with her when she comes back in less than a week, but I tend to overthink stuff a lot, and I can't stop feeling something is wrong and losing sleep because of it. (so blame me, she's the first girl that really feel like I truly love in my life. haven't had that many relationships - like 20max out of wich 1 was of about 6 months and the rest less than one month.).

Thanks

[fi123]

how long have you two been together?

[kalen]

about 3 months. but we both wanted a long-term relationship when we got together. i'm just worrying that either she is cheating on me, or that I might be too insecure and needy and lose her because of that.

[fi123]

I would maybe just back off a bit till she comes back, she's obviously young and she sounds like she is just a bit exciteable about being away. I think if you act needy at the moment she's just going to get a bit annoyed with you so i'm thinking if you back off and don't contact her for a couple of days she'll probably miss you and wonder why you haven't contacted her. It's not a bad idea in a relationships to let them miss you now and again.

[kalen]

umm , and would there be a problem with me leaving her a message on Ymess sounding like "well, when you feel like (a mainstream expression i don't know how to translate but which basically means - when you wanna talk to me you know where to find me)" and then a love you on the side? As in messing it up? Just did that out of annoyance that she can't spare a few cents and a minute to at least try to make me feel good emotionally. As in, i try to make her feel good emotionally all the time , and she does that too, it's just ever since she left that she's been so sketchy overall that it makes me feel confused.

And this comes at a time when i felt like I at least had a basic idea about how women think overall that i could understand the basic idea about everything she throws at me. And that made it waaay more confusing than it was at first. Eh well, at least however this may turn , maybe i'll learn a lesson out of it.

[fi123]

Yes i think you could leave a message like that and then just leave her be for a bit.

Also i think trying to figure out women like we all think and act the same, is a waste of time my friend, we're all completely different !

[kalen]

no offence meant. I didn't mean that all women think completely the same. I meant that there are certain behavioural patterns in both men and women that sometimes tend to the same outcome.

And about the message and leaving her be for a bit.
Should I wait for her to call or message or stuff, or should I take the initiative, and if yes, after how long should I call her?

And thanks for being the only person who took her time to read all that "bible" and to reply.

[fi123]

No offence there kalen, don't worry i was more jesting with ya!

[kalen]

umm so should I wait for her to call or message or stuff, or should I take the initiative, and if yes, after how long should I call her?

also, it annoys me that she rejected my call, and then gave no explanation towards it. she usually does.

[girl68]

you're damn annoying with all the focus on the gay dude. leave him out of it- this is your problem.

you're problem is you're needy clingy and annoying. occupy yourself! she'll be back in a week- "don't go desperate on her"