i hit my gf today

[adam95]

hey guys, here i am again asking for advice. anyway heres the situation. my gf came over to my place today and ever since I discovered she likes it rough in bed, we do it rough. rough to the extreme including swearing beating, everything. anyway after it all, i couldn't seem to get it out of my system and i was still really angry. she was simply being stubborn over something stupid (which she does all the time just to bug me) and I hit her right across her face. she just stared at me and started crying and fighting with me. i felt like such an idiot and i don't know why but I just started beating myself up. well obviously she stopped me and told me that i had a problem and she'll help me get through it. well she is not pissed at me because of it but she is very disappointed and sad and no matter how many times i apologized and swore i would never do it again and I would go to therapy for self control and everything, she was just really sad. i felt like such an ass. she's just left and i don't know what to do. i don't know what to say to make her feel better. she just looks like shes lost all hope. I hate myself for what i did. it was the one thing i swore i'd never do and here i just did it. i just want to know what i can do to cheer her up a little, just believe in me again. i just want to make it all right again.

[LuvGuru]

You went from rough sex to hitting your girl...thats a pretty good stretch. What do you mean after it all i couldnt get it out of my system, I was still angry? Was there something else going on?

[fi123]

Did you hit her with your gas mask? Also i don't get how you would be angry after sex, even if it was rough?? Maybe you weren't angry, just a bit worked up. When you say you were beating yourself up, do you mean in an emotional or in a physical sense?

[girl68]

you don't cheer her up- that makes you an abuser. you leave her alone, you go to therapy tomorrow and you start googling anger management classes in your area in 5 minutes.

I don't believe for 1 second you like rough sex just 'cause you like rough sex. there's something here you're not telling us. there's a good chance even you don't understand... which is why you'll be in therapy tomorrow.

[adam95]

well, usually by the end of it, all the anger in the heat of the moment just disappears. but today it didn't. i felt like i had a lot of rage inside and the most stupid little thing just pissed the heck out of me. i'm admitting it was wrong and i am going to see a professional cause i dont want this ever happening again. she just left my place 30minutes ago. and she will be coming again tomorow afternoon. i just want any ideas on how i can just make her a little less disappointed. i just don't want to leave it all to time.

[adam95]

you don't cheer her up- that makes you an abuser. you leave her alone, you go to therapy tomorrow and you start googling anger management classes in your area in 5 minutes.

I don't believe for 1 second you like rough sex just 'cause you like rough sex. there's something here you're not telling us. there's a good chance even you don't understand... which is why you'll be in therapy tomorrow.

you remember my whole dominance problem a month ago right? i was never into this rough sex. and to get in to the mood she would fight with me and continuously piss me off. like i said, it usually goes by the end of it.
and yes i am going to see a professional.
i just wanted to make it better sooner.

[girl68]

if my bf hit me like you did there is NEVER forgetting. the disapointment would loom over me forever- I would be thinking: "I know what he's capable of and this isn't the person I love"

[fi123]

To be honest i don't think rough sex all the time is that good for a relationship, it's all great and exciting and all but it has to be loving in the main if it's within a relationship, if not within a relationship then anything goes i guess.

[adam95]

this sucks. i've had issues with anger for ages but i thought i had it all under control. everything was fine for years. she knew i had a horrible past which is why i guess she's not pissed at me and wants to help me. i just hate myself for what i did.
we have to meet up again tomorrow cause we have to study for an exam and we only have one text book. i was hoping i could think of something to do for her by then.

[adam95]

To be honest i don't think rough sex all the time is that good for a relationship, it's all great and exciting and all but it has to be loving in the main if it's within a relationship, if not within a relationship then anything goes i guess.

yeah we actually just started it. about a month ago she was telling me i wasn't dominant enough (which is what brought me to this site).
thanks anyway guys. pray anger management can help us out.

[fi123]

this sucks. i've had issues with anger for ages but i thought i had it all under control. everything was fine for years. she knew i had a horrible past which is why i guess she's not pissed at me and wants to help me. i just hate myself for what i did.
we have to meet up again tomorrow cause we have to study for an exam and we only have one text book. i was hoping i could think of something to do for her by then.

Photocopy the book and give her her own copy?

[adam95]

yeah i'll do that. but she wasn't hesitant in meeting me. she actually said she won't stop until i get all the anger out of my system. its just the sadness in her eyes i cant take.

[LuvGuru]

Youve apologized, now try it over a romantic date\dinner. Next time sex is on the menu....LEAVE THE ROUGH STUFF ALONE, give her soap opra sex

[adam95]

yeah i am going to stay away from the roughness. anyway i'm pretty sure she's scared of being with me intimately. i'll have to regain her trust and i'm willing to do all that. i guess i'm lucky enough that she didn't decide to dump me based on this.

[IndiReloaded]

I hope you are joking. If you aren't then you break up with this girl IMMEDIATELY. You don't deserve to have a partner until you sort yourself out.

I'm very serious, Adam. Abusers are basically cowards. Finding the strength to do this^, for her sake would be a major step towards your recovery.

Good luck.