He almost cheated and now I'm stuck

[Kam]

I would love some unbiased feedback about this, so please bring it on! I caught my boyfriend of 3 years texting flirtatiously with a girl and texting his best friend about asking her out. He claimed he was never going to do anything, just wanted to play the game. He was feeling insecure and was freaking out about being with only one person forever. (BTW, He has always been the one to talk about marriage, not me!) He was only joking with his best friend. I thought it was all BS. We talked in circles for 4 hours, and I left to stay with my parents. It has been 3 weeks, and we are talking again. I moved back for a couple days to go to work. We went out on a really nice date, and I wish I could believe him when he says nothing like that will ever happen again. If this was happening to my friend, I would tell her to dump him. "He probably was going to do something more but you caught him too early! Deep down, he's a horny dog and always will be!" However, I can't deny that I love him and had at one point wanted to marry him. The thought of him with someone else kills me, or at least makes me want to kill him.

The problem is that I know I will always try to catch him doing something he's not supposed to. Now that he has done this, our relationship has lost its luster, and all I can see are the little cracks. The more I look at the imperfections, the bigger they seem to get. I looked up "signs that your relationship is over", and we have so many. I'm going on a family vacation mainly so that I can avoid him some more.

Time will tell if it's going to work out, right? Except I'd rather be single than in a bad relationship. Except that I can't imagine a future with him anymore. Except that there's a part of me that still want what we had when I was still in love and delusional. Can this possibly work out??

[nerdy_guy]

If he doesn't go sneaking around flirting, I guess giving him another chance would be okay. Although, If you're already saying that the cracks look like they came from an earthquake rather than a wear and tear type, well, that would be a little different.

Here's the problem: If you can't trust him anymore, even if he really didn't do anything wrong, then that would always come up in future arguments. That would pile up over time. And since you've accused him of something he never did in the first place, he'd probably make it happen since he been accused of it anyway, which you'd readily throw back in his face as "see? I told you so" Trust issues are hard to let go. they'd snowball out of control.

[hello1]

If my boyfriend done this I would have to end it, though like you I love him very much. The simple fact is you caught him before he cheated, it does not mean he wasn't going too cheat just that you found out in time. That information personally would kill me and make me lose a lot of respect for him and our relationship. I think you know it is best to move on. Do not ignore all the red flags