Today was a hard effing day

[LailaK]

Today was the first day I had to go into the office and see my ex face to face since we broke up last week.

I spent all week preparing for this. I told myself I was going to be strong and graceful. No F**KING crying. Well I saw him and I felt insecure, awkward, and horrible. He cornered me during lunch and said that we've been such good friends for a long time (3 years, but only dating 5 months) that he would hate to lose me as a friend. He said that it wasn't that he didn't like me, he just didn't see a future with me. He told me that I'm the nicest girl he's ever dated.

I wanted to rip his heart out and shove it down his throat. I've been feeling like sh*t ever since. I don't want to lose him as a friend either but I'm having a mighty hard time getting over the fact that while I was falling in love with him he was getting bored with me. I hate that I gave my body and heart to someone who can look back on the whole thing and say "By golly, she was a nice girl."

I just want to die of... embarrassment? Nice is code word for ugly, right? I just don't know why it's so hard for me to find a guy who will like me for me and want to be more than just my friend or f*ck buddy. Especially when I'm such a NICE GIRL. UGH.

[IndiReloaded]

I thought you dumped him?

Bah, he camps in the back of an SUV. He sounds like a pussy. You aren't losing much, L. His 'future' will be a GF whose idea of excitement involves doing the mailman when he's at his boring desk job. You deserve a guy with more fire to match your own.

[LailaK]

I asked him a week ago if he wanted to be with me and he wouldn't tell me yes or no. So I told him I didn't want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me and we should end it.

Wednesday, he writes a note saying he's sorry, didn't mean it, I'm so "good to him" and he wants to be with me. I wrote him back that he likes what I do for him which is different than liking me.

Today he admitted that was true and that he feels like a tool dumping me because I'm "the nicest girl he's ever dated".

I guess you could say we dumped each other?

Anyway, I don't want him, wouldn't date him, but it SUCKS being rejected by him and every other loser I've tried to date. F*CK being nice! I'm tired of being an effing nice girl.

[nerdy_guy]

I guess you could say we dumped each other?

If you're familiar with Chinese customs, I think what he did was trying to "save face". He didn't wanna come out as the one being dumped so he decided to... dump you back?

[IndiReloaded]

Actually, it sounds to me like you already dumped him but were actually nice enough to let him save face by letting him make the decision. That's not a bad thing, Laila, that's classy.

You are who you are. If he can't appreciate it there are other guys who will. Keep your chin up.

[IndiReloaded]

If you're familiar with Chinese customs, I think what he did was trying to "save face". He didn't wanna come out as the one being dumped so he decided to... dump you back?

Ah, see! NG and I posted the same thing. I agree!

[nerdy_guy]

Ah, see! NG and I posted the same thing. I agree!

Yes, I'm just as wise as Indi, although I'm not an old fart.. I mean mature than she is.

[IndiReloaded]

An old fart is a guy. FYI.

[nerdy_guy]

An old fart is a guy. FYI.

Actually, it can be used for a female... but yeah, thanks for correcting. I think the right tem should be old bag after all lol

[Gigabitch]

Lalia, you lost him as a friend the moment you started getting intimately involved with him. That's over.

[LailaK]

^^^ We'll see. I definitely agree that I don't want to hang out with him right now or anytime soon. I'm interested in if my feelings will change as time moves on. We'll label it an experiment.

[LailaK]

You were right. We can't be friends.