Facebook is the devil

[imdoingme]

Hello all! I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. We currently live together. We have definitely had our ups and downs as I've dealt with depression issues and he had not seriously dated anyone for 7 years before me. I was cheated on previously in my past relationship and it took a toll on me. Recently, I have been feeling sick and having rage issues that seemed to come from nowhere. I blamed myself and constantly beat myself up thinking that I should be better than to succumb to emotional misery. Ive done counseling and meds. I really have tried and I know it hasn't been easy. However, I fell for my insecurities and checked my significant others facebook. To my suprise, the things I feared were right in front of me. He has been communicating with a female from high school and having in depth sexual conversations and has been asking for her to spend him dirty pictures to his email. She is also currently married and has at least two children. I am unaware if her husband knows about these conversations. Even worse, he was discussing a move we have been considering in which he wants me to join him, or so he's said. Too bad she knows more about it then I do. It is very rare that I talk about my physical attractiveness, as self esteem issues often riddle the depressed, but I am a pretty attractive chick. Comparatively, I blow this chick out of the water. I have no children/baby daddys, am in good shape, and consider myself to be the "closet freak." I make friends easily and am faithful to the ones I love. But it just isn't enough. He's communicated with her regularly for a little over a month now and the conversations continue to get increasingly in depth. It broke my heart. Also, he's been communicating with his ex. I had some real issues with this check as she would text him things like, "Your dream is coming true, I'm getting a divorce." But he has been unwilling to stop communication with her and as long as its friendly I don't mind. However, in a facebook message, he brought up to her that "I would have to make changes to keep him," and that he found weddings to be a complete waste of time and money and that he would never marry me. Once again, my heart broke. I understand that he is emotionally slow, but I see this as a total lack of respect for me. And I just can't stand for that. However, if I bring the issue up to him, it will be my fault because I didn't trust him. At this point, I think I have a right not to trust him. I just don't know what to do. He hasn't physically cheated, but emotionally cheating is just as bad to me. I love this man with all my heart and thought he would never hurt me. Guess I expect too much from people. If you have any advice for me, I'd love to hear it.

[VincenzoG91]

I think that you unfriend him. Completely.

[Petit Papillon]

I think that you can't unseen the things you've seen and just... Leave this bastard. **** him. **** the cheaters, HE doesn't deserve YOU , not otherwise . And you should KNOW that he doesn't deserve you. This is where self esteem starts.

[hurt_confuzd]

You could always cut his penis off and toss it out the window of a moving vehicle.

[Raze]

Emotional cheating is just as bad as physical cheating my book. Remove him from your life.

[PixxiePop]

As a person who has been cheated on emotionally, as well as physically, I can sit here and tell you today that you deserve so much more than what this man is giving you. I am not here to judge, I am simply here to give you advice based on the information given. We have been taught from the time we could walk and talk that there is one special person out there for each of us that will reciprocate every single feeling we have for him or her. And that is true. In my opinion, if you decide to marry this man, you will be settling. There is somewhere that would never do that to you and would only have great things to say about you to anyone and everyone that will listen. Don't settle for someone who obviously has no respect for you. And as far as your self-image issues, he should be making you feel like a million bucks, not telling some girl that YOU need to change for HIM. That, also in my opinion, is crap. You should not have to change for anyone but yourself. And, the fact that you have put up with his garbage for this long..... well.... I give you some major kudos for that one. Do what makes YOU happy. Forget about what he wants, what he needs, what he says, what he does. He is his own person and has made the decision to act in this disgraceful way. Do something to make yourself get better and find the true happiness that you deserve. No one can do that, but you.

[lahnnabell]

You should have put your foot down a long time ago.

[VincenzoG91]

Get thee behind me Facebook!

[ginastar]

I feel for you!! i know what your feeling!! leave him now, it will only get worse.
You and I both need to find some good men, i hear they are out there

[flo_22]

I agree that Facebook is definately the devil. I think that you probably shouldn't have invaded his privacy like that, but on the other hand, you discovered something that is making you consider the future of your relationship. I'll admit I would have probably done the same thing if I was in your position. He shouldn't be discussing personal things like that about his relationship with anyone, especially if he hasn't yet voiced them to you. and he should not be saying these sorts of things to an ex, one who he knows you have a problem with. Before doing anything drastic, I think you both need to sit down and talk, he needs to tell you his concerns and wishes and you need to tell him yours. That way there are no mixed messages and there's no miscommunication. At least that way, you'll know for sure (hopefully). No one deserves this, it's such a horrible feeling, and you do deserve better. But it's up to you what you do ultimately. You say you love this man, but there's only so much that you can and should take. Good luck!

[VincenzoG91]

This thread reminded me that I even have a Facebook account. I logged in today and found it to be as irrelevant as usual to my daily existence. However, I did notice that 7 of my 99 facebooks friends have unfriended me since the last time I checked a few months ago. I don't even know who at this point. Some of my adds were kind of sketchy anyway, friends of friends, distant relatives, and former co-workers.

[kitkitkitty]

you need to confront him about this or it'll eat away at you. and if you're doing some confronting, may as well DUMP HIS SORRY ASS. you're too good for him even if you don't see it.

[Faithful`]

I know what you are going through, i understand how u feel and i've been through something similar but more intense. I can honestly say though that facebook, the internet, adult dating sites, forums, workplaces, mobile phones, etc r not the problem. The problem is with the person. A person who wants to do these things will do them regardless of facebook. He will find any way of doing it, one way or another. The problem is how this person thinks.

Another thing is that u shouldn't blame urself for what he has done. A person will cheat no matter what situation their relationship or partner is in. U could b the best partner in the world and b drop dead gorgeous, it wouldn't matter. Look at all those beautiful rich athletic famous women we hear about on tv that have their partners cheat on them. Then again if u feel like u might b falling short in some areas, u might need to discuss it with ur partner if u want things to work.

Everyone has short comings. U have admitted ur depression and lack of self esteem, ur trust issues etc. I'm sure ur partner has lots of short comings too. What u have to decide is if the bad out weighs the good. Is he so bad that u c no hope in this relationship getting anywhere? Do u feel he has it in him to work on this relationship?

You deserve to b happy. If this relationship isn't worth saving, find happiness elsewhere.

[xxazurexx]

I think that since the internet came along and the like of social networks appeared, there will have been more divorces than ever before.

It is a means whereby people can reach those, they may have never have encountered in real life again...but the internet makes it possible to trace people and to reach out, to old flames, ex partners, etc, etc.

Unfortunatley, the internet isn't going to go away and people will continue to abuse it.

I'd ditch his ass. The filthy conversations with his ex, would be more than enough and for me to end it pronto. If he wants her, let him have her and her kids, then he can become her problem and not yours.

[VincenzoG91]

Technology is changing things so quickly that we don't have time to develop new social norms to deal with the technology.