The Perpetually Dissatisfied Male

[Progressus]

This thread is great!

I can fully relate to what you're saying. It's not like I'm in a relationship right now, in fact I'm afraid my current affair is going down the tubes (for other reasons than what you mentioned). But I think I've shown this weird behavior myself in the past. While that's long gone (no more relationships for me), I think I can still say something useful here.

Anyway, what you're describing fits my best friend to 100%. He's in a long-term commitment with his girl, ten years and counting. To give you some insight how all this developed, I need to get about ten years back:

Him and me, we both were long-time singles, and we always had a lot of fun together doing all kinds of stuff. But then he met this girl. Although I do like her today, I wasn't very fond of her in the beginning: very low self esteem, and thus an almost sick control freak. Well, instead of revolting at least to some extent, he transformed from a self-confident man into an incredible sissy. Seriously, it hurts me writing this down, but that's what SHE (his girlfriend) did to him: Controlling and manipulating him. Probably out of fear of losing her, he put up with all her bullshit. Unfortunately this sissy behavior didn't only apply to his relationship (she was always the alpha), it slowly got a hold of almost all areas of his life (at least that's how I see it, he still kind of ignores it and doesn't want to realize what's happening). He finished school later than me, and while I'm out of college for almost four years making more than enough money, he's still living the life of a teenager (sort of): He's not willing to go out ("I have no money", "She'll be mad at me", "I don't want to meet other girls"), he has NO AMBITION whatsoever regarding finally getting his college degree, and when it comes to outward appearances: Ten years from now, he was a good looking guy-- today he must have gained like 50 pounds (easily!), and it doesn't really look like he's making any effort to change anything.

To cut a long story short: I think you'll find a lot of similarities in what I'm describing. What I want you to do now is ask yourself this:

Did it ever occur to you that - maybe, just maybe - you're responsible for your men's development, even if it's only on a very small scale?

Don't get me wrong... I'm not trying to offend you. I'm just trying to give you another perspective. See, talking about my best friend: I didn't like his girlfriend in the beginning, today I do. I realized she changed, she's no longer that sick control freak. However, I still think it was HER that made my friend develop into some sort of chump. And now that he's lazy, fat and demotivated, I don't think he's going to do any better women-wise. That's the biggest reason he doesn't want to split up.

Anyway, sorry for bothering you if that's not what you wanted to hear, but it crossed my mind instantly when reading your topic.

[lahnnabell]

I lol'd. Heartily.

[lahnnabell]

This thread is great!

I can fully relate to what you're saying. It's not like I'm in a relationship right now, in fact I'm afraid my current affair is going down the tubes (for other reasons than what you mentioned). But I think I've shown this weird behavior myself in the past. While that's long gone (no more relationships for me), I think I can still say something useful here.

Anyway, what you're describing fits my best friend to 100%. He's in a long-term commitment with his girl, ten years and counting. To give you some insight how all this developed, I need to get about ten years back:

Him and me, we both were long-time singles, and we always had a lot of fun together doing all kinds of stuff. But then he met this girl. Although I do like her today, I wasn't very fond of her in the beginning: very low self esteem, and thus an almost sick control freak. Well, instead of revolting at least to some extent, he transformed from a self-confident man into an incredible sissy. Seriously, it hurts me writing this down, but that's what SHE (his girlfriend) did to him: Controlling and manipulating him. Probably out of fear of losing her, he put up with all her bullshit. Unfortunately this sissy behavior didn't only apply to his relationship (she was always the alpha), it slowly got a hold of almost all areas of his life (at least that's how I see it, he still kind of ignores it and doesn't want to realize what's happening). He finished school later than me, and while I'm out of college for almost four years making more than enough money, he's still living the life of a teenager (sort of): He's not willing to go out ("I have no money", "She'll be mad at me", "I don't want to meet other girls"), he has NO AMBITION whatsoever regarding finally getting his college degree, and when it comes to outward appearances: Ten years from now, he was a good looking guy-- today he must have gained like 50 pounds (easily!), and it doesn't really look like he's making any effort to change anything.

To cut a long story short: I think you'll find a lot of similarities in what I'm describing. What I want you to do now is ask yourself this:

Did it ever occur to you that - maybe, just maybe - you're responsible for your men's development, even if it's only on a very small scale?

Don't get me wrong... I'm not trying to offend you. I'm just trying to give you another perspective. See, talking about my best friend: I didn't like his girlfriend in the beginning, today I do. I realized she changed, she's no longer that sick control freak. However, I still think it was HER that made my friend develop into some sort of chump. And now that he's lazy, fat and demotivated, I don't think he's going to do any better women-wise. That's the biggest reason he doesn't want to split up.

Anyway, sorry for bothering you if that's not what you wanted to hear, but it crossed my mind instantly when reading your topic.

As of last year, I began to come to terms with my nature as a nurturer. I love to make others happy just to see them happy. Problem is I have very quickly assumed the role of "mother" when I do this, and that is not the best thing for a boy when he's trying to become a man. I put up with a lot of BS from my exes because I hoped that my love and confidence in them would inspire them to be better men. This is not the case. It took me breaking up with them to really inspire them to get their asses in gear. This is why I'm letting my current boyfriend move to NYC without a fight. He needs this move to grow up and make all the stupid decisions I made for 2-3 years. It will also give me time to focus on building a stable career for myself now that I'm officially settled in San Diego.

So, yes. I'm learning too. Great response. Thank you so much for that perspective

[hurt_confuzd]

I lol'd. Heartily.

oh my god. it's like I'm seeing little instances of myself pop up all over LF.

Loveadmin must not be very happy about this.


Did writing that amuse you?

[lahnnabell]

A little bit. I also felt a slight swell in my chest. As though I was filling up with hot air. I think I just got another little taste of what it's like to be you.

I'm... changing.

[hurt_confuzd]

A little bit. I also felt a slight swell in my chest. As though I was filling up with hot air. I think I just got another little taste of what it's like to be you.

Lahnna.


The danger zone. You're in it.

[lahnnabell]

I seriously gotta watch that show. I think that, work, and eating ice cream will be a great way to spend my new era of upcoming singledom.

[hurt_confuzd]

I seriously gotta watch that show. I think that, work, and eating ice cream will be a great way to spend my new era of upcoming singledom.

The combination of watching Archer and eating ice cream is the best way to not look like the Lahnna in the show.

Is that what you want?

I'm a personal trainer for a living, by the way. I can give you the most effective, easiest weight loss plan you've ever imagined.

[lahnnabell]

As long as it doesn't involve suicide or acquiring some sort of eating disorder, I'll let you know if I need advice. As of right now, I'm at the lowest weight for my body type and height. Any lower and I won't be able to support the weight of the teeth in my head.

[hurt_confuzd]

As long as it doesn't involve suicide or acquiring some sort of eating disorder, I'll let you know if I need advice. As of right now, I'm at the lowest weight for my body type and height. Any lower and I won't be able to support the weight of the teeth in my head.

This is going to be you when you're single:



I'll try not to get banned before you PM me asking for weight loss advice.

[lahnnabell]

If you get banned, you can always just antagonize me via Facebook or some other soul-sucking network.

[hurt_confuzd]

When you get banned, you can always just antagonize me via Facebook or some other soul-sucking network.

You're just asking for it at this point. Like a chick in an abortion clinic.

[Charlie Boy II]

why don't you two take this somewhere more private.

[hurt_confuzd]

why don't you two take this somewhere more private.

Because I'm making the Indi/Vash/Giga/Sonrisa/Doppel hivemind jealous and Lahnna's an attention whore.

[7sins]

This thread is depressing, I hate it.