I'm really confused can anyone help?

[Stevethedude]

Hi everyone.

Here's my story:

I got dumped by my now ex-girlfriend Valerie about 2 and a half weeks ago. She is a year below me. I am 16 and have just started college, she is 15 and is in the last year of secondary school. It was my first relationship so it was and is really special and meaningful to me. We'd been going out almost 5 months (3 days short), although really the last 2 months didn't count.

I say that because those last two months were hell. Our relationship ended purely because she didn't love me anymore. But instead of telling me this, she instead didn't say anything and just made it more and more obvious (by not wanting to meet up or being coincidently busy and making very little contact etc) until i was asking "is something majorly wrong with our relationship?" when i knew the answer was yes.

It was horrible because she not only went very silent and neutral, she started listening to a band introduced to her by her sister called "Evanescene" (and not having a go at any fans of them here) but that really wasn't good music lyrics to listen to when she said she was "unsure/undecided" about her feelings towards me. The lyrics, of what i heard (which wasn't much because it got me upset), are about either leaving something, or breaking up or hating someone or something. She said she liked them and when i asked what are some good songs by them, she recommened [URL=http://www.lyricsplanet.com/index.php3?style=lyrics&id=60530]My last breath[/URL] and [URL=http://www.lyricsplanet.com/index.php3?style=lyrics&id=60498]Everybody's fool[/URL] Check the lyrics for yourself. (N.B. She is the kind of person who would pick up and drop hints like this, she wouldn't say things like this to my face but she would give me signals instead).

Well i hadn't spoken to her in a few weeks and she was due to go on holiday and I was getting majorly upset. I spoke to her best friend who told her, that i was really upset about it all. On the night before she left she sent an email which said "I love you" "I'm sorry" "I want to get back together" "I really miss you" etc.

She got back after 2 weeks and suddenly all the things she'd said in that email dissapeared, and now i come to think about it, if her best friend Alex hadn't told her about me, i really doubt she'd have sent the email. She didn't make any contact to go out, she didn't talk, she was busy whenever i asked to go out. What's worse is that if i hadn't made any contact we wouldn't have talked. I wouldn't believe it for the longest time until a friend finally said it to me, but the relationship was very one-way.

Finally, i'd had anough of waiting (i hadn't seen her in a total of 8 weeks), and i said i wanted to talk about this face to face, see what was going on, because there were a lot of confusing signal's coming from her.

We met on a Saturday and it ended. She was very quiet, wouldn't talk, i was asking/saying stuff and she replied in the shortest of replies and answers. She couldn't even look my in the face and say "I don't love you." It was totally weird.

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Ok, sorry bit long. But that's the history of how it all came to a messy ending.

What I'm worried about now is that since then, it's been two and a half weeks and she hasn't been in contact at all. Not even on MSN Messenger (what we always used to talk with mainly). Some of my friends comment now that she never comes online ever, when she normally used to. It's like she gone into a social recluse. She's probably embarressed or afraid - she is a shy girl.

It's extra hard because i've just recently seen two of my friends get back together with their g/fs after being dumped, but i'm pretty much at the point where i wouldn't take her back now. I miss her loads, and i still love her, but it is over and i'm coming to accept that.

But on the day she dumped me I said i wanted to stay as friends, i made a big point about being good friends, meeting up sometimes but i suppose that was me just wanting to see her. But now it's as if she doesn't want to stay friends at all. Either that or she doesn't want the guilt.

I put up with a one-way relationship too long. I can't stand for a one-way friendship. What do you think? Is that odd she hasn't talked in so long? I was thinking of talking to her best friend and asking why she's being like this, but i don't want Val speaking to me, because she's been urged by Alex to do so.

Please tell me what you think.

Thanks.

Steve.

[CutestJannah]

Damn... that was kinda long.. anyway... i think your better than this Val character... yall were only together for like 3 months, right? Cuz the last two didnt count.. shes obviously not interested in you, and seeing the way she treated you.... kinda makes you wonder..? did she really love you? probably not... you have to remember that shes very very young, and probably is still "finding" herself... i think you should give her a lil more time.,.. then maybe in a few more weeks or so... call her up, and be really nice, and just ask to go to lunch or somethin... i think thats what you should do if you still want to be friends with her, if not... then forget it... there are many other fish in the sea...( especially in college!!!)

[Stevethedude]

Hey thanks for replying.

I agree she is probably still finding herself, she's probably not ready for a long-term relationship yet.

As for meeting up one day thanks it's a nice idea, but i seriously doubt that would happen. See...she's very shy, somewhat insecure with herself, and the only times we ever met up together was just before we started going out and the attraction was plain obivous. (Her being a veggie she never seemed to want to eat out either)

But I know her, even if it was just to meet up as mates she'd just politely decline, i think she'd do that even if she wanted to. sounds stupid doesn't it? but i know that's what she's like. Even if she felt something for me i honestly doubt she'd do anything about it, she'd keep it from everyone and would be too embarressed or ashamed or something to tell me.

She won't make the effort to talk to me, it's sad, but she would accept just never speaking to me again. In contrast i'd get on great with Alex (her best friend) cos she's one of my best female friends, but with Val there'll always be the constant "we were closer than this once" reminder. I think i'm just gonna try and get on with life, if she wants to know i'd say she's gotta make the effort, cos it was only me trying when we were together, and i don't see why I should have to sustain a friendship by myself.


(I always find a way of typing LOADS soz...)