House-Mate vs. Girlfriend

[SteveM]

Hi,
This isn't directly a relationship problem but it's effecting mine a little.

I am house-mates with a friend of mine. He's a good friend and we have good fun going out. But he's being a dick lately. He is always in a bad mood and always complaining about girls.

I am seeing my girlfriend about 6 months. She calls over to the house sometimes and we go out sometimes but I don't think I ever shove it in his face or anything like that, I'm usually discreet enough in relationships and I'm not the sort to go on and on about my girlfriend or do anything like that.

She's a quiet girl, I think she's gorgeous but she isn't much of a partier.

My house-mate can be such a dick about it, he acts like I shove the fact that I have a girlfriend in his face all the time and I don't. He puts her down a lot and makes me feel really bad for seeing her.

He's always comparing her to other girls and I'm really annoyed about it. Like, I GET IT!!! He would rather a party girl and my girl isn't much of one but I'm the one going out with her and I like her.

Last night for example was her birthday. She invited people out and we got dinner and drinks and it was loads of fun. She's a stunning slim girl and she came wearing a beautiful new dress. I was blown over by her but my friend quite obviously kept pointing out all the other "hotter" girls in the place. He was going to leave with us but he stalled us even though he knew her friends were waiting at the restaurant for us and was just like "yeah yeah whatever" when I tried asking him if he could get ready cos my girlfriend wanted to leave as her friends were waiting on her, we were already half an hour later than the time I told him we were planning to leave.

Then he got all pissy because we were going to a restaurant for dinner and it's wasn't a club. Like, it was 9 o'clock... it was HER birthday and it was her choice, just because he wanted to go to a club on a Saturday night thats fine but this was her night, what is it to him what she wants to do? If he really didn't want to be there then he wasn't obliged.

He finally came and he was just deliberately being a dick to everyone. Kept cursing and talking crap then making fun of everyone for having a nice dinner and not being in a club. He got clearly drunker than everyone else there and just acted like a dick.

Finally he left and went clubbing with our other friends who didn't even bother to show up. Today all I'm hearing about is what a great time he had when he left, how he met all these "REALLY hot girls" all night. He kept going on about the other guys he met and how their girlfriends were there and that those girls were "ACTUALLY hot"... etc.. etc...

Like, I get it... he doesn't like her.

I mean sure, I like going out on Saturdays and stuff and we have fun with the guys but I also accepted that my girlfriend isn't a partier, it was HER brithday and she wanted dinner and drinks with her friends instead of a wild night clubbing. It wasn't lively enough for him but it was her choice and it was a nice night, there was no need to be a dick about it.

It was just all the little digs about how the others guys girlfriends are "actually" hot (as apposed to mine I presume he means) and telling me he men "really" hot girls (again, not like mine) and all this crap.
On top of that being pissy in general with me about her and about having a girlfriend.

Like she's a really gorgeous girl and if you say her last night she was drop dead gorgeous all done up for her birthday but he just constantly makes me feel like crap for seeing her and constantly getting digs in about how everyone else's girlfriends and the girls he meets are hotter than her.

Like, I don't care. I like her, contrary to what he says I think she is a stunner and she treats me really good.

I'm just tired of all the stupid digs and crap all the time.

I don't know what the deal is, is he jealous, is he annoyed she isn't a partier so when I'm with her I don't end up going out in town drinking until the early hours a lot. I just don't know but I'm sick of it. He just constantly points out her flaws. He doesn't say it outright he just says things like "Oh man, I hate girls who...." and then describes something about my girlfriend.

I mean sometimes I wish she as a little more up for going out more and stuff but if I weigh that up against the fact that she's totally gorgeous, way nicer than other girls I've dated and is alround lots of fun it's hard to be too upset about it. I know he wouldn't go out with a girl who is so quiet but HE's not dating her.

I don't know if this is a question or just a rant i'M just really pissed off by it at the moment.

[lahnnabell]

You may be wrong about him not liking her. In fact, he's acting like such a dick about it, that I think he really does like her. A LOT. And he's desperately trying to hide it by acting like a jerk.

I could be wrong though. I can't see any other reason for his blatantly being such a dick though.

[hello1]

I think he missed you two going out partying and now you have a girlfriend, it doesn't happen so much? He is being a pathetic little boy. It sounds like you have a very decent girlfriend. Tell your 'friend' to **** OFF.

[vashti]

Why don't you just get a new roommate? Life is too short to live with such an asshole.

[VincenzoG91]

I generally believe in "bros before hos," because a good friendship can easily outlast a dozen girlfriends. However, your friend sounds like a jerk who needs a punch in the face. You're dating her, not him, and he needs to shut the hell up and find the party girl of his dreams. You should move out and move in with your girlfriend.

[SteveM]

I do get the "Bros before Hos" thing. I mean, I really hate when a friend of mine gets a girlfriend and almost disappears off the face of the earth.

I also hate when you have a guy who goes on and on about his girlfriend and nothing else.


I hate both of those things and I avoid like the plague. I DON'T go on about her at all, if anything I avoid it unless she is somehow relevant in the conversation or he asks something.
I'm also making sure I still go out with him. I mean, for various reasons I don't go out EVERY night anymore... I can't afford to go for pints 3 or 4 nights a week these days. I'm not 21 anymore and as much as I like going out I feel there's other stuff to life too and don't want to do it EVERY night even if its still fun to do maybe less often, thats just growing up and Yeah, there's night where I might hang out with her but if I meet her on a Friday I will probably go to the pub with him on Saturday or something like that. It's not like I'm one of those guys who just disappears cos he has a girlfriend.

I dunno. I think it's just that she isn' a big drinker and isn't a big partier... he likes to drink and go out a lot. I mean, I do too but I'm trying to balance what my friends do and what she does so I do things with them individually and together too. It was just like how the birthday night was tamer than what he'd like to be doing on a Saturday night as we were getting dinner instead of getting sloshed in a club but thats her choice. I don't think it was a cause for trying to show everyone how lame they are that were at the party. He was the only one acting like that so he just came off as a dick.

[VincenzoG91]

You can't be everything to everybody. It sounds like you have grown up but your friend is still immature. It's perfectly okay for you to discover that there is more to life than getting drunk every night, spending quality time with an attractive woman who cares about you. It isn't okay to drag your immature friend along on your dates with her, or to ditch her just to make him happy. Maybe if your friend grew the hell up, he would be able to find a girlfriend of his own and get out of your face.