Don't know what to do

[crazgirl]

I have a bf, much older than me.We have the same interest, habit and views.

We have been seeing each other for 2 months and everything was cool until the last 2 weeks.
Normally, we will meet at night for dinner, cycle to work in the morning and after work, and go camping during the weekends.
However, he hardly ever reply my texts and whenever I call him, he will hung up after 4 or 5 minutes saying "I'm going to do my stuff here, talk to you later OR tomorrow.", but he never get back to me unless I contact him.

The last 2 weeks have been hell for me.

Last weekend and 2 weekends before, he bailed on me, claiming that he got tons of work to do in school(he is an IT teacher and a musician).
I helped him to do his work, but still that did not give me a chance to see him at all.
He said he got reports to submit to principal.Fair enough but it was due last tuesday, and we didn't meet during the friday, saturday, sunday and monday just so that he can make it, but even after tuesday, we only see each other at night for dinner(1 hour) and he went back home.

Today we supposed to go camping, he agreed to it. But he cancelled it saying that he leave work late today.Fair enough, then I said how about going tomorrow?Well he said a couple of friends organized a party tomorrow afternoon. He said he will bring me along.Ok, then he said "we can go camping tomorrow afterwards IF you want".Then I asked, "what do you want?",he said "actually, I wanna play my saxophone and edit some backing tracks for my music, well, the later is a priority."

I just felt so hopeless and horribly upset but said nothing after.

Am I not giving him enough time to indulge in his hobby? Or am I stupid for letting this pass?
I have no guts to tell him how I felt, scared he will be upset and think that I'm a mistake.
I can't imagine how life will be without him, but at the same time, I feel he is not treating me like I'm important to him.

Give me some advice please.. Thanks guys.

[cronini]

You have to ask him what is going on. just tell him how you feel, if he reacts in a bad way to it, then there is something wrong. the way he is treating u, he is either really busy, or is avoiding you. there is no point living in a fantasy world. ask him how he feels about you, or what is wrong and you will just have to accept it.

He sounds a bit like a loser anyway. so dont worry about it

[crazgirl]

he has been complaining lately about his troublesome co-worker and uncooperative management.
Me being a good listener, listen to every single complain he made.

He said he need time off from work to finish his work.Well, he took a leave on wednesday. I called him at the evening, asking whether he has finished his work, he said no. Kinda weird, given that he has 12 hours to do it.

I mentioned we go out for dinner close to every night. but actually we meet up after he bailed on me for 5 to 6 hours. Not a single text or phone call except when he is ready, and all he has done was playing music!


I'm going to ask him what's wrong with him later if we meet up.
But, should I also ask him whether music is more important to him than me?

[Reizach]

No, don't ask him if you think that music is more important than you. That would just be a challenge for a fight. Tell him that sometimes you feel he does not pay you the attention that you deserve. I know how strong the feeling can be, 'him thinking your a mistake', thats a terrible feeling. But on the other hand, if you are special to him he should make an effort to understand how you feel.

Also, there is an important question you need to ask yourself, not him. "Am I getting what I need out of this relationship?" It is a very hard question to ask, but I think you already know the answer and your avoiding it. If he thinks about you as just a young muse, and plaything then your better off without him. If he cares deeply about what is best for you, and tries to understand you like he would the music that he loves then he will make the effort.

I worry for you that he is doesn't take seriously the feelings you have inside and how important they are to you, and how scared it makes you. Express yourself, if he is a loving man and one you deserve, then he will respond well.

[vashti]

Older people are better able to balance relationships with other priorities. You mentioned he is older, so that is what I assume is the case here. Young girls are a lot more needy than a woman his own age would likely be.

I suggest you find some hobbies of your own if you want to stay with this guy. You sound pretty clingy, and he is too old for that.

[returnofthezro]

guys like space from time to time, dont try to see him every night, its only been 2 months, you do sound quite annoying - i agree with asking him whats wrong, maybe its something else - not a mind reader, i would stay away from the music topic, again its only been 2 months

[Incognito]

Vashti makes a good point (as she often does ) However the first thing that I thought of is him juggling two women at once. All the cancellations and only spending a few minutes on the phone seems strange. I would find ways to not be totally absorbed with your boyfriend, but I'd also get to the bottom of why he is acting the way he is.