So before we met, my finacee was hooking up with a co-worker. They were f-buddies. And when we met she told me, because she wanted to be honest, which i appreciate, but it drives me crazy. I know hes a good friend of hers, and has been there for her in the past, but its so hard knowing she goes to work with him everyday. She'd text him "come out and play" or "come get me" when she was drunk at the bar, and theyd end up having drunk sex.
Now, i know, that all of that happened before we met, but its still so difficult to think about anything else when i know they work together. I mean, she still talks about the sex she had with him with her friends...how am i supposed to feel? Someone tell me. It absolutely is driving me crazy. I know it shouldnt, i know that its not happening anymore, i know that nothing will ever happen...but i still think about it everyday.
I also did a huge no-no and looked through her aim conversations. One of her friends that recently just lost her v-card, said the guy she did it with was huge...and of course my finacee said "large and in charge huh? I know of a boy whos large and in charge..." and her friend said "Like your co-worker, yeah, but no, it wasnt him...". I feel like crap knowing she still thinks about him. Thinks about his size...and when we met, she told me we were the same size, which if that were true, the example of the large and in charge would have been me...not him. I know my feelings are so irrational because it was the past, and before i was ever in the picture...but how am i supposed to feel, or act when i know all of this stuff about the two of them, and that she goes to work with him everyday. U know? I cant think of anything else... I feel like im going to have a breakdown. What do i do? Its consuming me...it eats at me, and i feel like its going to ruin my relationship....please, someone tell me something good.
I really need a boost...i wont ever admit it to her, but i am very insecure...and jealousy is something i never express, i always try to keep it in, because i know jealousy can ruin relationships. And, ive told her how ive felt, and even tho she understands, she does think im being immature for thinking about it as much as i do...which i agree with, but im human, and i cant fight these feelings. If i could turn off my feelings, i would, but i cant. Do u think i need to ask my finacee straight up...what was the sex like with him? Do u think i need some closure? Cuz i cant fight these feelings anymore...they are taking over. Help...someone please help.