Originally Posted by
ianoulla
I am 63 but my ex is 42, he thinks I am 51, that's his estimate of my age. Well, I say ex, but after 3 yrs of him pursuing me, the last 2 weeks he finally wore me down and asked me to be his girlfriend, I agreed, but warned him I wasn't a pushover or desperate. He asked about my age, I said guess, he said 51, so I smiled and said yes, he was right, adding age is just a number, which he agreed. I am often mistaken for a woman in her late 40s or early 50s, I guess I'm lucky, it's not something I try to do, it just happens. When I was younger I was always mistaken for somebody much younger.....which is quite nice. I told him I'm not desperate because I'm older than him, or that I'm easy prey. I told him truthfully I had never had an affair in my life.
I held back all this time because I knew he was younger. We are so totally meant to be together, we fit in every sense, we are both married, we both know the score, but decided to try to share some time away from the eyes of people. From the moment he made it clear about his feelings and desires, it almost became impossible, he was elusive, phoning and txting me, full of desire and love. For 2 weeks the intensity of his feelings blew me away, he was like a drug...... I held back, I didnt sleep with him, I wanted him to prove himself to me..... at least that he cared.
Then after this intense period, he just disappeared - he was evasive for 2 days after we met and our physical meeting proved the intensity of the feelings between us us. I asked him always to be truthful, if I was a disappointment or he was, we were to say. Last things he said were plans for meeting in the future days. Then. Nothing. He was supposed to contact me about a business matter that he had strung out for too long, I said I needed to know info, he didn't so I texted him to ask what was wrong was he avoiding me, he was angry, said I don't need this now. I had warned him over the business matter, not to waste my time. He kept me on a string. He then said he was at a funeral with his wife, which of course I didn't know. He's so secretive, how would I know, I'm not a mind reader.
Can anybody out there help me understand what happened. We both live in a country where open affairs or being blatant about seeing other people would be the ruin of us, in every sense. I didn't want him to jeopardise his marriage, he didn't want me to either. It was a fantasy borne out of 3 yrs of strong attraction, playful fun, I loved being around him and he me, we made each other laugh, I told him I don't want anything from you, just show me that you care, that's all. He promised me all sorts, I want to love you, discover you, take you to a dream place, meet you in Milan, Rome, or wherever, totally indulge you with everything. He said I want to be with you, I can't take my eyes off you, I want to just look at you, you have an aura..... never once did I respond in kind, I held back, because it's my nature to be sure before I reveal myself, I was nervous of all of this.
It's now more than a week since we had contact, I feel totally bereft, as if I have lost somebody through death, the sense of loss and longing is unbearable. I haven't contacted him, I want to badly. I am upset but also angry that his pursuit of me has ruined our lovely friendship, what do I do now.
Can any man tell me, what goes through a man's mind when he looks at an older woman he finds attractive and who might respond to him. Does he think she's desperate, she hasn't got any feelings, or she's old it doesn't matter.......
I am trying to make sense of this, each day passes and I feel more confused. I just want to know then I think I can move on. I am now abroad, but will be returning to this country to work in 3 weeks, what do I do when I see him, say nothing, ignore him.